


Hollow Men

by distantstarlight



Series: Property of John Watson. If Found Please Return DO NOT FEED [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominant John, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Insanity, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Mental Instability, My First Work in This Fandom, Mycroft Being a Good Brother, OOC Sherlock, Separation Anxiety, Shameless Smut, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Fluff, submissive Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-31 14:22:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 93,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1032710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distantstarlight/pseuds/distantstarlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock returns after The Fall a very different man. He has been drastically changed by his experience and is stunned by the changes in John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Return

**Author's Note:**

> I imagined what it would be like if Sherlock had been pushed past enduring anything the way he used to, that his ice-cold demeanor and inhuman persona had been scrubbed away. What would he be like? What about John? What would he be like during their long separation? 
> 
> This is a reset of Sherlock and John.
> 
> This work is also incredibly long but it deals with a lot of different things I feel are worth drawing out. I've gotten the bit in my teeth now and am running wildly with it. This is the tip of the iceberg. Oh - and I totally give huge recognition to Benedict and Martin for the righteous chemistry they have on-screen. This is first FanFic I ever posted though I have written for years. I've tweaked a word here and there and tried to find all the typos. Hopefully the story will pull you in.
> 
> Not Beta'd, not Brit-picked - I own all the mistakes

The room was clean and sterile. A small figure was sitting on a bed that had been bolted to the far wall. He was dressed in loose green pajamas and his feet were covered in hospital slippers. I was uncertain but I had no strength to walk away, “Are you real?” asked John. He was staring up at my figure in front of him, obviously confused. John didn't look right. He was blank and unfocused for the most part. His eyes skittered back and forth as if he couldn't quite fix his gaze anywhere for long. I looked carefully at him. This wasn't how I remembered John at all. His hair had grown past his jaw in a messy tangle. _John never had long hair._ _He was so thin!_ John had a soft waist that he complained about on occasion. _He looked old and frail. He looked ... worn down._ _Where was my John! Where was my loyal brave soldier?_

One long shuddering breath and that small broken voice asked again. “Are you real? This time, are you real or am I imagining again? Please! Tell me! Are. You. Real?” John's voice was the same even heavy with sadness the way it was. The timber of it sang in my ears. I exhaled, not even realizing I had been holding my breath. What could I do? I reached out and stroked my fingers down the stubble on his chin. It felt strange, like nothing I'd imagined. It was coarse and almost ginger. John's hair was blond except for where gray had peeked shyly out. Now there were definite wings. His face was blank, gaunt, and haggard. I answered him plainly for once, not trying to make him deduce me like I would have  _before_. Neither of us could deal with anything but simple truth right now.

“I'm real John. I'm alive. Um. This is going to sound odd but....are you real? Only....only....I've been alone a long time and I can't be sure either. Um....I think I may have lost my mind some time ago. I was alone for so long. I didn't have John and I needed him. Are you real even though I've lost my mind?” I definitely remember it happening. I had splintered away from reality for a time and still wasn't sure I had successfully made it back. I had to tell him. It wouldn't be fair unless he knew. There could be no secrets from John, not any more, not ever again. I would tell him everything if it took the rest of my life.

“Lost your mind? Your beautiful, gorgeous mind? No. No!  _No_!” John looked horrified. He stared at me finally, his amazing blue eyes fixed firmly on mine at last. He stared into me, deep inside me and I felt a flicker of warmth for the first time in almost three years. I felt my heart. It was beating erratically and I pressed my hand over it to steady myself. His darling voice reassured me swiftly. “I'm real Sherlock. I'm real. I'm here. I think. I think I'm here. Oh god. Let this be true! Please, don't fade away again! Don't be another dream. Oh Sherlock!”

John peeled my hand off my chest, tangling his fingers with mine. We clutched anxiously. His fingers were bony and I wondered about that. We were standing so close. Somehow we'd shifted and shuffled together until our legs were almost touching but our torsos had bent away. I couldn't bear to touch him completely just in case I was tricking myself once again and he would vanish the way he had so many times before. It hurt so much every time it happened and I wasn't sure I could deal with it one more time. _I couldn't help imagining John. I missed him so much. I couldn't take it if it happened again. I needed John. I knew that now. I needed John to keep me real. If he wasn't real this time I needed to..._

“John. This may not be real but I hope it is real but before you fade again I need to tell you. I need to tell you how much I love you.  _I love you so much John_. I have since that first day. I didn't know until you weren't with me anymore. I need you to know John, before you go. Please John, I love you. If you are real, I love you. I love you John Watson and I will never leave you again.” I clung to his fingers desperately. He had to know this. I couldn't bear him not knowing. What if he faded away not knowing? What if he was real and he didn't know how I felt! My world would end for real. I knew it.

“No don't go Sherlock! Don't say those things. My Sherlock would never say those things! He's not like that. I love him with my whole heart and soul but he doesn't love me. He said he couldn't. I'm not The Work, I'm only me. Oh god, this isn't real is it? You're not really here are you! I'm imagining again. I'm wishing again. You left me behind Sherlock. You're gone. Gone. Gone. Gone,  _oh god_.” John crumpled to the floor weeping. He curled up into a ball. John's anguished sobs sounded like they were being torn out of him against his will and it ripped me to pieces.

“John!” he had to be real. I'd never seen him like this, not in any of my fevered imaginings. Never once in all the times I had lain wounded and suffering, starving and cold, never once had I seen my brave beautiful soldier undone like this. He's always been proud, handsome, strong, glowing. Not this shriveled and gray thing, with tear stained cheeks and staring ribs. This John was real and I had done this to him.

Unthinking I hauled him off the floor and onto the narrow bed. There was nowhere else to put him. _This was in the same room I had been kept all those times Mycroft had tried to get me clean. Mycroft must have put John here to keep him alive, albeit poorly._ John was a wreck but at least he was alive and I was so grateful.

My mind was completely gone. I was reacting and not thinking. I stripped off my clothes and his as well. I yanked the cover off the bed and tucked his slight form in the center and cuddled him close to me. Tugging the cover back I snugged it tight around us and held him as many ways as I could as he wept into my shoulder. I heard something over his sobs and realized I was chanting his name. “John. John. John. John. John.”

Time ceased. I closed my eyes and buried my face into his long hair, breathing him in as he wept. My eyes were dry but I couldn't stop chanting his name. How many months had I done just that? His name was a mantra to me. The sound of it kept me grounded to the world, comforted me in my loneliness and had brought me back to sanity more than once.  _My John_.

After a long while his tears ran dry and he sniffled noisily. I reached to the floor and grabbed my shirt to dry his face and let him blow his nose. I didn't care about my stupid shirt. I only cared about John. He nuzzled into my neck the way he never had  _before_. I tilted my head back and bared my throat for him. “I can smell you. I'd forgotten but I remember now. This is how my Sherlock smelled. The trace of it in the flat was torture. I cried when it faded away.” He pushed away from me, his marvelous blue eyes looking over my features with care for the first time since I'd stepped through the door. “You're different. You're eyes are the same but everything is different. You're real! You're really here!”

He sat up suddenly and stripped the blanket back. My nudity didn't surprise him. He barely seemed to notice that we were in bed naked together after an absence of three years as well as never having been naked anywhere together ever. He began to examine me instead, much the same way I used to examine interesting evidence  _before_. I lay back and let him.

He looked better already. His eyes were swollen and red rimmed but he was animated now. The blank vacant look was gone and his gaze was razor sharp as he looked me over from top to bottom. His hands followed his gaze soon enough and I listened to him ramble out loud as he took in my differences and similarities. “I remember this one; I stitched that up twice because you wouldn't slow down. I don't recognize this one though. Nice bit of sewing there. This group I remember but not these ones. Infected was it? I can see you haven't been eating right. You're thinner than ever and you weren't big enough to begin with. Turn over.”

Obediently I turned to my stomach and let him continue cataloging my scars, old and new. “Thin. Too thin. You need feeding up. Some of these are still red. Too much running about and not enough resting. Have you slept? When did you eat and sleep last?” I wasn't really listening to his words. I was too busy drowning in sensation as his fingers crept everywhere. _John was touching me all over. John's hands were on me. All. Over._ After years of deprivation where I'd had only remembrances of fleeting companionable contact I was now overwhelmed with the intimacy of his inspection. I pressed my face into his pillow and sucked in the glorious smell of him that lingered there. My shoulders heaved and suddenly I was the one being held as I cried into John's shoulder.

“Sherlock! You're here! You're with me! It's true isn't it? We're both still here and we're together aren't we? You're safe my darling. I've got you my love. I'm never letting my Sherlock go, not ever.  _Not ever_. I love you Sherlock. I've missed you. I've missed you so much. You're here my love. I'm with you. Your John is with you Sherlock. My love. I love you. I love you. I love you.” Now he was chanting and clinging to me like I was clinging to him. I couldn't stop the tears or the sobs. All my loneliness and grief poured out of me in an unstoppable storm of repressed feelings and wounded emotions. I buried my face in his neck and wept it all away. I felt his fingers petting my matted hair, stroking my back, touching my cheeks. They never stopped moving and I was so grateful once again. _My John was here and he wasn't pushing me away. My John was alive and he was holding me in his arms the way I'd hoped he would. He was here and he hadn't faded away. I was home._

I'm not sure how long I stayed like that. At some point though my tears ended and John cleaned me up. I clung to him though and wouldn't move away, not that he tried to move me. We just shifted and moved as necessary until we were lying together once more. I felt emptied and filled. All the cold darkness was gone from inside me and had been replaced with that strong golden glow I knew to be John Hamish Watson.

“I need to feed you darling. Come Sherlock, let's get up.” John's voice was tender and loving. Once again I obeyed instantly. I sat up and looked around. Our nudity still hadn't made us uncomfortable but it was chilly. John took my hand and led me to the closet where his bathrobe hung unused. I helped him into a tee-shirt and pants and he helped me into his robe. We never stopped holding hands. Leaving the room together we paced to the kitchen in lockstep with one another. It all seemed exactly right.

A note was on the counter in Mycroft's elegant script.  _The house is yours for as long as you require. Call Anthea for any supplies you may need and they shall be delivered_. We looked at one another and inspected the kitchen. It was heavily stocked with every type of food we could imagine. It was awkward making sandwiches because we couldn't seem to let go of one another but together we managed.

I almost wept again when John said, “Tea?” I nodded and swallowed hard as he put a kettle on with my assistance. We pulled two mugs from the cabinet and for the first time in three years I got a perfect cup of tea. When my hands trembled weakly he steadied me and helped me drink.

We ate at the table, our chairs tucked tight together, our fingers laced just as tight. We fed one another from the same plate. I gave John a bite then he would give me one. We ate until our food deprived stomachs could take no more. Tea cups empty we went hand in hand to the vast bathroom and stepped into the shower together.

We didn't seem to need to say anything. I took a flannel and washed John carefully all over before standing still and allowing him to do the same for me. I kissed the top of his sweet head and held him to me under the warm torrent as he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me hard. I knelt so he could shampoo my hair which was roughly cropped short. I had done it myself with a knife while on the run. When it was done I stood and he tilted his head back so I could wash his. I ran my fingers through his long locks and lifted some to kiss tenderly.

We finished washing. John shut off the water but we stayed in the cubicle to dry off. Again it was awkward because we couldn't let go but we helped towel each other off until we could step out. Behind the door were two thick robes in white, one long, one shorter. I shook my head.  _Mycroft_. Still, John needed to be kept warm so I helped him into his and he helped me into mine.

I felt so tired now. I was full of tea and happiness. We staggered from the bathroom and made it across the hall to my old bedroom. Mycroft had changed that too. My single bed was gone and in its place a king size bed was waiting with thick blankets and fluffy pillows. Our robes hit the floor. We tugged down the covers and scooted to the middle. Without speaking we simply arranged ourselves for maximum contact before covering our nakedness again with the duvet. I kissed John's head and he kissed my chest and together we fell asleep.

I woke hours later. My head felt clear for the first time in years. It was as if my body had been missing key chemical components all this time and John was their only source. My body was adjusting and resetting properly and I could feel him spreading through me, fixing all the little hurts. Light was fading or dawn was coming, I couldn't be sure and didn't really care. I kissed John's long hair again and snugged him closer to me. His breath was coming faster and I knew he would wake momentarily so I waited patiently. To have John in my arms was something I had dreamed about for years. I could hold him forever and be completely content. I felt his lashes flutter against my chest. His head had not moved from its place over my heartbeat all night long and we were both comforted by it, “Good morning my John. I love you.” I had sworn myself to tell him as often as I could. Thus I greeted him back to consciousness and felt his mouth quirk into a smile.

“Good morning my Sherlock. I love you.” he replied and turned his dear face up to mine to receive a kiss. It was unstrained and natural.  _Our first kiss_. All the barriers that had kept us apart  _before_  were gone now, irrelevant. There was only one thing that mattered and that was loving one another. We had both suffered so much and our healing had barely begun. It felt right just holding him to me. I felt better than I ever had even before _The Fall_. Being with John was like nothing I'd ever experienced and I knew it would only get better with time.

His hands ran over me again, not to try and arouse but more like a systems check. I hadn't even thought about sex but even as the thought occurred to me I knew both of us were physically incapable. Our bodies were too damaged. I had tottered in using the very last dregs of vital energy I had left. We needed to recuperate before we could express our love that way. Until then words and caresses were more than sufficient. I lay back like I had the night before and let him check me from top to bottom. When his hands tapped my shoulder I flipped over and let him check me from top to bottom again.

This time when he was done I didn't re-enter our comforting embrace. I wanted to see him too and so I sat up and pressed him back into the pillows to examine him myself. He was as thin as I was; his muscular mass wasted away, his sweet soft pot belly that I had loved so much now sunken and hollow. I vowed to make it come back. I touched his scars reverently and pressed my lips to them in worship _. He was my god, my John and I loved everything about him_. “We need to eat my darling. Come.”

I helped him up and together we rummaged through the closet. Mycroft had equipped us both with soft clothes and we dressed each other. I would thank Mycroft later. The childish spite I usually had for any of my brother's gifts now as irrelevant as the barriers that once hampered us, he was helping me to help John and I would never be ungrateful for that.

John wasn't ready to ask the questions he must have had and I wasn't ready to answer him but since we both seemed to know that we simply went back to the kitchen to seek breakfast. Mycroft must have people waiting somewhere to assist because the mess we'd left was gone. John opened the fridge and pulled out breakfast foods. We settled for me standing behind him with my hands on his hips as he cooked. Remaining close wasn't an option any more. It was necessary for both of us. I kissed his cheek often and he smiled every time.

We ate from the same plate again. He got a bite and I got a bite one after the other until every crumb was gone. We washed it all down with endless cups of John's perfect tea. When we were done we set all our dishes in the sink and went to the sitting room hand in hand. I felt tired again and so did John. Wordless we sank into the plush couch, dragging a lap blanket over our narrow thighs. I put my arm over his shoulder and he gripped my hand tight and laid his head back on my shoulder. Thus connected we drifted off once more to recuperate another tiny bit together.

For days that was our life. We slept all over the house. We ate when we woke. We showered frequently. We held one another all the time. We barely spoke unless it was to express our love. We kissed often but were mostly content to just be together. Invisible assistants cleaned up after us, restocking foods we seemed to enjoy, making laundry disappear and reappear as needed and leaving us to simply settle in.

We never left the other's side for any reason. We even waited for each other in the bathroom when it was necessary. It was as simple as sleeping had been, uncomplicated and not even embarrassing. We would shower afterward and seek someplace new to cuddle. We just wanted to rest ourselves as our traumatized bodies and minds healed of wounds that required not bandages but time.

Eventually though the questions began. John had been so hurt and I was torn apart inside every time I was reminded of how my actions had damaged my perfect John. I apologized endlessly and gave him every answer I could. Finally I told him, “If there was some way I could have brought you with me I would have John. I even thought of getting you to fake your own death so you could come with me but I was thwarted at every opportunity. I missed you so much. I would have been done so much faster if you had been with me but I could never make it work without losing certainly Mrs. Hudson or Lestrade. I needed you with me John. That man had it all worked out and he was brilliant. He had me tied up in so many ways that even though he died it has taken me all this time to free myself from his traps. I've almost died so many times without you John and you never would have known. I went insane from needing you. There were weeks when I was lost, completely lost because I didn't have you. I was captured more than once. I was tortured so many times. There was no one to help me and I needed you so badly. I started to hallucinate you a couple of years ago. I saw you everywhere all the time. It made me happy, like you were really there and so I didn't fight it. I missed you John. I love you so much.”

John wept again as I explained my situation to him. All those years left fighting alone without him had left a trail on my body. His years with me let him read my skin and all the suffering I had endured was as plain to him as it was to me, “My poor darling. I missed you too. I couldn't move on. I couldn't leave you behind even though you were dead. I couldn't die but I wanted to. I tried, just once. Mycroft was watching and Lestrade got to me just in time. I couldn't care about anything. I suppose we owe Mycroft a lot. He's kept our flat for us. He's helped Mrs. Hudson. He helped me even though I didn't want it. He brought me here and kept me. I didn't care where I was. I couldn't bear to be at home because it didn't smell like us anymore. It was lonely and filled with our life and I couldn't give it up and I couldn't be there either. I suppose I went mad too. I don't remember much of these last two years. It's very hazy. I hallucinated you too. It made me sad because I knew you were dead. It made me miss you and I never stopped missing you. I realized I loved you and that I had loved you since the day we met. I was a stupid proud fool who couldn't admit that I had feelings for you. You're the only man I've ever loved and you're the only person I will ever love. I love you Sherlock. I regretted not telling you.”

“Not even Mycroft knew I was still alive. No one but Molly did. She helped me disappear and I've been killing that man's empire one person at a time until I could come home. Mycroft didn't believe me when I finally contacted him. I was in Russia and delirious. I had to be smuggled out. I was brought directly here. No one knows but you and Mycroft. I don't care about anyone else. I needed you John. I need you.” _Honesty. I would be honest with John for the rest of my life. No lie was worth losing John._

John kissed me again. He crawled onto my lap, straddling my thighs to take my face in his hands. The kiss was sweet and beautiful just like John. My eyes fluttered shut as he kissed the lids before kissing my cheeks and then my forehead. “Sherlock.” he took my hands and I opened my eyes to gaze lovingly at him. John pressed his lips to my fingers and looked up at me again. “Marry me Sherlock. Be with me forever. Be mine and mine alone and I'll be yours, forever.”

I nodded and tried to say yes but my voice wouldn't work. Tears flowed down my cheeks and I nodded again, struggling to speak. My heart was going to explode. It was beating too fast. My face was flushed and the tears dripped inelegantly off my jaw and onto my shirt. With great effort I finally managed a broken, “Yes. God yes.” then we were both weeping. I had no idea I could feel happiness like this. I'd never considered marriage but it seemed unthinkable now to not be married to John. I wrapped my arms tight around John and kissed him joyfully. I nodded again and managed to speak a little more, “I'll marry you John. Eagerly. Happily. Right this second if we could. I want to spend every second of my life with no one but you.”

“Good. Good. I can't be any other way. I need to be with you in every way there is. I need the world to know we're together. I need you Sherlock. I love you. I love everything about you and I always have. You are utter perfection to me. You're brilliant and beautiful. You're mad and irresistible. I know for certain now that you and you alone make me live. You are my heart.” John was making me cry. I didn't cry for anyone or anything but just look at me! How many tears had I shed since I came back to him? My emotions were unlocked for the first time in my life and I would never hide them from John ever.

“You are mine! Nothing would make me happier than to let everyone know that I belong solely to Captain John Hamish Watson. Nothing would make me prouder than to let everyone know that you belong to me. No one can keep us apart, not ever again. I need you more than life. You are my life. You are my soul, you are my _everything,_ John.  _My John_.” Now we were both crying. It should have been strange for us to be so emotional. We'd never expressed such sentiments before. We were Englishmen after all. We shouldn't have been able to say such things with such ease but the desperation of our past had rendered us incapable of filtering our feelings for one another even a bit and neither of us cared.


	2. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and John begin to reach out to people they care about.

We clung to one another once again. We did it often now. Long parts of our day were spent simply holding one another tight, just in case we faded away. We couldn't bear even risking it and knew that as long as we were close, or better yet, touching, we would be alright. “We need to be better though darling. We need to get better so we can be married properly.” I kissed my darling John tenderly and he nodded his agreement. “We should go eat and then we can walk in the garden for a bit.” he nodded again.

Dinner was arranged much like most of our meals. John and I chopped and sliced things together. John did the actual cooking though and I always stood directly behind him with my hand on his hips. We didn't talk about it, we just did it. We discussed our diet as we strolled and came up with a plan to regain our physical health in a manageable way. “We're both too thin. I don't know if you'll ever be anything but thin but we're unhealthy right now. I think we should aim for something close to our previous weights. We've been doing pretty good I think. We don't look like we're on the edge of death's door anymore at least.”

We laughed. John was right though. We no longer looked transparent and wasted. We had color in our cheeks and we felt better. I reached over and rubbed his tummy. He grimaced but I shook my head. “I miss it. I loved your belly. You were always so small and so strong yet your belly was soft. I thought it was the most delicious thing.” John blushed and I leaned down to kiss the roses in his cheeks, “Charming.” I whispered.

He looked up at me, still flushed. “I'd always hated that belly. I couldn't get rid of it. I was certain you were going to start teasing me the way you do Mycroft.” I rolled my eyes at that. _Like I ever could!_

“Mycroft was a fat git with a huge ass. Only Lestrade thinks he's sexy. Your belly was adorable and I can't wait to see if we can get it back. I regret not kissing it. I regret not doing a lot of things.” I kissed John's laughing mouth happily. I had made John laugh and I was warm all over. “Can we wear matching suits?” John nodded and I was going to burst with happiness.

“Let's call your brother. We need to get our lives in order and he'll be the one to do it. We owe him a lot.” John kissed me tenderly and I nodded. I would treat Mycroft with the respect he had earned from now on. We did owe him and for John there was no price to high. We wandered through the house and eventually found a mobile in the kitchen.

John did the speaking. He asked Mycroft to come see us at his earliest convenience. He listened for a minute then just said, “Of course.” before ending the call. John looked up at me. “They'll be here in the morning, Mycroft and Lestrade. Greg doesn't know yet.”

“I'm glad they're still together.” was all I said. I'd been back and forth and had assembled something like my old homeless network but on an intercontinental basis. I'd gotten tidbits of news about my old life occasionally. I knew their relationship had taken a huge hit after my supposed death but somehow Greg and Mycroft had worked it out enough to be actually living together. I supposed we'd find out more when they got here. Now I could see why they were so good for one another, now that I had admitted that caring was very much an advantage, regardless of the Holmes Family Motto. Greg was a straight shooter, hard and tough, a perfect foil for the soft but twisty mess that was Mycroft. They balanced one another just like John and I balanced one another.

John looked up at me. “We look like shit.” I burst out laughing. Things were always fun and easy with John. I loved him so much. He ran his fingers through his hair and over his chin where a short beard now lived. “We need to clean up. I wouldn't let anyone cut my hair. I saw a kit in the bathroom upstairs. Let's go sort ourselves out.”

We went up and dug out the hair trimming kit. I read the instructions and simple hair style guide carefully. It was very straight forward and before too much time was gone John was seated on a bench and I was cautiously shaving off his locks. I kept my hand steady and used the pattern suggested. It didn't take very long. The long coils of soft gold hair fell to the floor in a heap. John looked so much better with short tidy hair. I'd kept it a little longer than he liked but only so a professional hair dresser could shape the last of it away properly. I enjoyed touching him. It felt domestic and sort of good to be helping John like this. I don't think I'd ever really helped someone groom before.

We examined my head. There wasn't much to be done for it. Some parts were hacked right down to the skin. It was uneven all over. “How did I not notice what a mess this was?” murmured John to himself. We both sighed and he simply shaved it all off. We ran curious fingers over the remaining stubble. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt grim. I looked nothing like the Sherlock I used to know. I was rail thin and now essentially bald. I looked like someone who'd very narrowly escaped death in the cancer ward. John gazed at me rapturously. “Your eyes are so gorgeous my love. Now they're more gorgeous than ever. How did I ever catch someone as breathtakingly beautiful as you?” Now I was the one blushing. I could feel myself turn red all the way down to my chest and that made John smile.

I tugged him into the shower as soon as we'd swept our hair up. I lathered his face heavily and carefully shaved him clean. John knew me so well that he didn't hesitate to shave my body bare, knowing I had no love of body hair on myself. I rather enjoyed the thatch of hair on his hard chest as well as the one nesting between his thighs. John was neat and efficient. Before long I was smooth and silky all over.

We washed up carefully and then stepped out. John pulled out a bottle of expensive lotion and made sure every inch of me was coated. “We can get you a body wax somewhere darling. I know shaving irritates you but it will do for now.” I took the bottle in hand and did the same for him. We felt better than ever. I kissed him tenderly before helping him into his robe. Once I was also safely wrapped up we went back to the kitchen for a light snack.

Once we'd eaten yet again, still sharing the same plate we retired for the night. We couldn't seem to sleep enough and took every opportunity to nap or just go to bed. We crawled into the center, naked once again and spent a few minutes entangling ourselves properly. I tucked the duvet around us and we fell asleep almost instantly, our foreheads pressed together so our breaths mingled.

We woke early the next day. After showering and shaving once again we dressed ourselves carefully. I found a suit that fitted my much leaner frame very well (thanks again Mycroft) and John found trousers and a chunky sweater that was so similar to his old oatmeal jumper that I was moved to tears. “I'm sorry I did the moth experiment on that one. I didn't know your mum had made it for you.” I hadn't apologized then but I did so now. I had a laundry list of apologies to make to the man I loved for so very many things. John just smiled and kissed me gently.

“It's all fine Sherlock. Nothing matters now except that you and I are together. I don't care about anything else.” We adjusted each other's clothes until we were satisfied then went down to eat a hearty breakfast. I didn't complain once about being too full. It was no longer about transport. I needed to be well for John so I would do what he wanted. We ate the same way we had since we reunited, first John had a bite then I did and we continued until our serving was gone. I felt better every day and wrapped myself gratefully around my John as soon as we were done.

“Should I wait in the other room until you explain things to Greg?” I wondered. I didn't want Greg to have a heart attack. I hadn't even thought of easing John into my reappearance. I couldn't wait another minute and had just gone straight to him. Now the thought of even momentary separation made me feel ill. John paled and clutched my hand.

“You cannot leave me even for a moment Sherlock! I don't care how shocked Greg Lestrade is! Not for a moment, do you hear me?” I hugged him tight and relaxed. I hadn't realized that he wasn't the only one who had paled and tensed when the suggestion was voiced. We were both breathing hard, almost panicked at the mere suggestion. I don't think I could have managed it anyway, not for Greg. I had to be near John. We comforted one another with long slow loving kisses instead and held each other close.

“Dance with me?” I whispered and John blushed again but nodded. We had no music on but I held him tight and we moved back and forth across the living room as we waited. It was awkward and stumbling at first as we both tried to lead. We giggled a lot and sorted our feet and hands out. John pressed his forehead to my chest to laugh and finally just took control until we were moving fairly easily around the furniture. We kissed often and held each other until the doorbell finally rang. John turned his head and just shouted “The drawing room.”

I smiled down at my brave soldier and kissed him once again, listening to Greg and Mycroft approach. I was anxious. My heart beat faster and I breathed John in to calm myself as he pet my back soothingly. My back was to the entryway but I could see Greg's face in the mirror over the fireplace. He was confused at first because John was dressed and dancing when just over a week ago he had been curled up and wasting away. I saw Greg's eyes move up over me, clearly not recognizing my very altered appearance but John just spun me around so I was facing my old friend.

Greg dropped straight to the floor, his mouth gaping open and flapping soundlessly. He was nearly the same as the last time I'd seen him. The silver of his hair made him look more dashing than ever. The lines on his face only added to the character in his expressions. In a flash I could understand why my brother had fallen in love with the older man despite their differences in age, social standing, Lestrade's broken marriages and his children, grown though they may be. Mycroft stood behind him for only a moment before kneeling gracefully to help his lover back to his feet. I could see that Mycroft was heavier than ever, especially when compared to the lean powerhouse that was Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade. I hadn't noticed before in my dull haze to get back to John.

“Jesus fucking Christ you're alive!” Lestrade finally gasped. “You're fucking _alive!_ What the hell man! What the bleeding fucking hell were you pulling?  _DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WE ALL WENT THROUGH YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD? DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA AT ALL WHAT JOHN WENT THROUGH YOU PRICK_?” Mycroft covered Greg's mouth with a soft hand, stifling the curses that continued to come forth. I staggered back and almost collapsed. I should have expected anger and rage but I couldn't deal with it. John steadied me and turned savagely on Greg.

“Shut your mouth Lestrade or I will shut it for you! Don't you  _ever_  shout at my Sherlock  _ever_   _again do you hear me_? He died to save your life. He died to save my life and Mrs. Hudson. Don't you  _ever_  take him to task for that. Look at him Greg. Open those dull stupid eyes of yours and look at him before I punch them shut.” John was almost snarling now. He had gone completely on the offensive, standing in front of me so John was between Greg and I. John's hand was still behind his back grasping my hand tightly. John had instantly become the feared fighter he had been back in his army days, a man who had taken down foe after foe regardless of their size or talents. I stepped forward and pressed myself to his back for a moment before allowing myself to be guided to John's side.

Greg's mouth snapped shut. He looked stunned and overwhelmed. His eyes fixed on John first, sweeping up and down as he took in John's very much improved condition before finally looking at me. His anger faded and he looked upset. He started to breathe faster and he was swallowing hard. I bit my lip then before I knew it Greg was all over me, hugging me tight to him and almost crying my name. “You're alive you bastard! You're alive and I've never been so happy. Fuck!”

Mycroft stepped closer and John reached out his hand. “Thank you Mycroft, for everything, for keeping me going, for not letting me stop, _for bringing him back_. For giving us this time. Thank you.” Mycroft simply nodded his head and placed his other hand on Greg's shoulder. At his touch the DI let me go and stepped back.

“Brother.” was all he said. I stepped forward and embraced him with one arm, my other hand still clinging to John's, laying my head on Mycroft's shoulder probably for the first time since we were children. We'd hardly spoken when he picked me up at the small private airport outside London. I had been nearly delirious and kept calling for John. Now he hugged me back tightly with both arms, a first time experience for both of us as brothers. “I'm glad you're home little brother. I'm glad you and John are finally together.”

“Together? _Together_ together or like before together?” Greg was understandably confused. John snorted out a laugh and tugged my hand. I looked over and he nodded his approval. I smiled and looked back at Greg and Mycroft.

“John has asked me to marry him. As soon as we are better we wish to be wed.” I said simply. Now Mycroft smiled and Greg looked like he was going to collapse again. His lover steered him to the large couch and seated him tenderly. Stepping back Mycroft quickly assembled a tray of glasses and a carafe of something amber and strong.

“Early I know but I feel such an occasion merits the bending of certain social rules.” Mycroft always sounded so mild, so in control. I knew him better than nearly anyone except perhaps Lestrade and I knew he was feeling strongly about our reunion. John and I sat on the other couch, hands knitted together as always and waited for all the questions to come which they did.

Greg grilled us for almost two hours. The brandy hit me hard for a short while but Greg tossed them back like they were shots of water. Mine made me feel sick so John took my glass away almost untouched and set it by his. He rubbed my back while I spoke and kept holding my hand. Questions we hadn't gotten around to were asked and answered. Even Mycroft winced throughout my story as I explained how I'd traveled the globe without help, killing our enemies and destroying their web of influence one steely strand at a time until I was finally done. I was factual when I explained how many times I had been hurt or tortured. I wanted them to have all the facts so I wouldn't need to speak about it anymore. They were the only two who needed to know as much as John. After this I wanted to leave that entire devastating part of my life behind so I could build a new life with my soldier.

John was unashamed as he wiped away tears from his face and mine during the telling. Our fingers remained woven together throughout. “I couldn't let John die because of my pride. If I had listened to him earlier none of this would have happened. John told me about being careful! That man was tailor made to destroy me. He knew all my weaknesses, how to manipulate me, how to make me dance. He knew how to hurt me the most and he knew how to cripple me. What he didn't understand though was how much I loved John and how entirely willing I was to trade my life for his. He didn't expect that I had planned for that eventuality. Molly Hooper helped me. We owe her a great deal for without her I'd be dead for real and so would you all.”

“What about The Work? Will you be wanting to go back to that?” Greg asked gently. I shivered and pulled John closer. The Work meant a lot to me but I hadn't missed it lately. My mind was fragile. I could barely function on a basic level, never mind a higher one. I was raw inside and out. I was afraid of shadows, had been hunted and been the hunter for too long. I had been  _not safe_ for a long time but now that John was with me it was  _all alright_. I knew it would be if only we could be together. Although I loved the mystery of The Work I hadn't been bored for a single second since I came back to John and felt no urge to indulge my normal pleasure.

“I'm not the same man I was Lestrade. I've been broken. I'm still not right. My mind is not the same and I'm not sure it will ever be the same. I used to focus on The Work to the exclusion of everything else but I haven't thought that way in a long time. I've used my skills to bring down that man's web but all this time I've only thought of John. Maybe in time, I can't say. We'll figure it out. John and I need time though.” I leaned on John and though I was so much taller than him he still managed to hover over me protectively and kept my head on his shoulder for a moment while I collected myself,  _my Captain_. He would always be there to lift me up.

Mycroft looked distressed for a fleeting moment but schooled his features before speaking softly as always. “I will begin the process of returning your life to you Brother. Your entire fortune will be made available as soon as I can arrange it. I am assuming you shall be returning to Baker Street and 221B?” John and I nodded at the same time, then grinned at one another. “Mrs. Hudson?”

John answered. “Bring her here. Tell her I asked to see her. She'll come. I don't want to drop this kind of surprise on her in the street. When things are more sorted we'll make a public announcement. Greg? Anderson or Donovan say one fucking word wrong to either of us and I am breaking their fucking jaw, alright mate? I'm not tolerating their crap any longer.” That wasn't a request. John was just letting Lestrade know what could be in store for his detectives. Greg explained why John was so vehement. That pair had crowed their victory for two years after The Fall. When my name had been cleared they'd spent the last year muttering invectives and denials to anyone who would listen. I suddenly hoped they would say something just so I could see my beautiful John in action.

Greg just nodded when John repeated his threat, “Whatever John. Can't say they haven't been asking for a knock down all this time. They are a poison pair, worse than ever after I was reinstated. Fuck I'm starving.”

I stood and helped John to stand. Leading the way we went to the kitchen and proceeded to make a simple lunch together while Mycroft and Greg watched in wonder as John and I navigated the kitchen as a single unit. Mycroft looked at Greg with a gentle smile before turning to John. “I will have a jeweler contact you about rings at your convenience. When do you wish to re-enter the world?”

John was stirring a pan of food. He stopped so I took the spoon and kept stirring over his shoulder while he thought. I left all decisions up to John. I was content to follow him the way he had followed me for so long. I loved and trusted John the way I did no other. I knew he could be trusted to make all the right choices while I could not think. It was John after all; he'd always looked after me the best he could. “I'll want to talk to Mrs. Hudson and Molly first. Whenever Sherlock is willing, maybe another week? We need to recuperate some more. We're both still a bit wobbly.”

Mycroft nodded. “I'll contact a stylist as well for your hair. I'm assuming you'll want that dealt with as well. Gregory my dear, shall we stay here tonight or do you wish to return home?” Greg had been lost in thought but turned to his lover immediately.

“I think we should let them be for tonight. Today was a lot and they both look like a sharp wind could blow them away. We'll come back with the ladies tomorrow afternoon, how's that?” Greg looked at John who nodded. I was content once again to allow the decisions to be made without me. As long as I could be with John I wanted nothing else. “Right babe, let's eat then we can shove off. Come on John, big plates yeah?”

Mycroft fussed as Greg loaded his plate high with food, quietly insisting that his diet wouldn't allow for it. Greg rolled his eyes, “Babe, stop it. Stop that stupid diet too. I hate it. I've told you a thousand times what I love about you and being thin wasn't on the list.” Mycroft actually blushed and John grinned at him. Greg just reached over and rubbed Mycroft's soft tummy affectionately making Mycroft blush even more than before.

I gave my brother a commiserating look. “It is strange to be loved for who we really are brother, but Greg and John seem very sincere in their regard for us. Maybe it's alright to just be ourselves with them. Mummy wasn't right about everything you know. I too am looking forward to the return of John's pot belly.” John was the one blushing now as he finished loading three big plates. That got us a short look from Greg and Mycroft but they both relaxed when they saw that I was eating with John.

Greg smiled gently as he watched how we now ate, first John, then me in our new pattern. We finished every bite that way and he scooped more onto our shared plate. “The belly won't come back without help.” was all Greg said and popped another scoop onto Mycroft's plate with a suggestive wink. Mycroft blushed crimson for a third time but didn't protest. Eventually our meal was done and every bite eaten with enjoyment.

Greg slung his arm around Mycroft's waist as they prepared to leave. He turned to me, “I really am glad you're back Sherlock. I'm glad John is back too. I've missed you both. We'll be seeing you tomorrow afternoon mates, till then.” he led his lover away but not before we saw his hand slip down to pinch Mycroft's ample behind less than discretely. John laughed as Mycroft's neck turned red and then they were gone.


	3. Next Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and John finally get down to business!

As soon as we were alone John pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. I wrapped my arms around him too and held on as hard as I could. We stood that way for a long time and then retreated to the bathroom to have a bath. We soaked together for hours, periodically adding more hot water as we relaxed. I had John between my legs, his back against my chest. We idly discussed our impending wedding, making a list of guests as we went through the people we knew that had stood by my John, and by extension me, during all these years. “What about Harry?” I finally asked. She was John's only family but I'd never liked her. Our shouting matches in the past had several times brought Mrs. Hudson running from downstairs to complain of the noise before she shooed Harry away.

John was instantly angry, “She's a fucking bitch! She's been a hateful drunken shrew all this time, blaming you for everything, hating you for everything and making no bones about telling me either no matter how I begged her to stop. It was because of her harping that I tried to kill myself. She robbed me blind while I was out of my head with grief. She told me to kill myself because she wanted the insurance money! If Mycroft hadn't stepped in and sent Lestrade you'd be standing over my grave now. I don't want her anywhere near us. I'd ask The Woman to be my maid of honor before I'd ask my sister to even be a guest at our wedding.” When I heard John's words I grew cold inside then I burned with anger.

“She did _what_ to you! She almost made you _what?_ ” I was completely outraged. I wanted to hurt her. It would be so easy for me. What kind of aberration was she? Even at my worst I never would have done such a thing to Mycroft. To drive your only sibling to attempt suicide, to aggravate an obvious problem for no better reason than to enjoy poking a sore spot was unforgivable. Harry had always nursed an unreasonable grudge against me. It hadn't been my fault John had joined the army and had gotten shot but she blamed me. She never accepted that our lifestyle had made John happy and had raged at us during each of her infrequent visits. Let her rot alone then. No one would ever make my John unhappy again, not if I could help it. “Whatever you want my love. Harry will not be invited. We'll inform Lestrade and Mycroft so if she tries to invite herself they can deal with her.”

John looked up at me, his face tender and filled with love. I couldn't help myself and I leaned down to kiss his dear face all over. “I love you Sherlock. I've never been so happy. I can't wait to tell the world that you are not only back, but that you are mine. I'll never need anything again, nothing except you.”

“My only goal now my beloved John is to keep you happy, no matter what. I've learned the hard way that I can exist without a single thing I used to think was necessary but I simply cannot live without you. The Work is meaningless compared to you. My heart beats only because you are in the world. Nothing works right with me unless we're together. It is obvious.” he grew misty as I spoke but it was simple truth. If I never worked a case again for the rest of my life it would be alright as long as I had John by my side.

He helped me out of the tub and we dried each other off, simply walking naked back to our room to go to bed. Like always we arranged ourselves so we were tangled together as much as possible. John lay his sweet head on my chest to listen to my heart and I became boneless as his warmth made me relax like I'd never been able to before. Our caresses remained tender and almost chaste, our bodies still recovering from years of deprivation. Sleep came sweetly to both of us, nightmares and other nocturnal disturbances not daring to share the same space as our overwhelming love.

We were full of giggles and laughter the next morning. I was excited to see Mrs. Hudson again and John was practically floating on air. He'd unintentionally tickled me awake but once he realized what he'd done I was mercilessly tickled until I was almost sick with laughter. He fell back on the bed finally, laughing easily as he grinned over at my now limp and exhausted form. “You have a beautiful laugh my darling. I wish to hear you laugh all the time. No more hiding that gorgeous sound my beautiful man.”

“You're the beautiful one my lovely John. I've always found you to be so very handsome. Everything about you is darling. You're perfect. You're the perfect height. You're eyes are the perfect shade of blue. Your hair is the perfect blend between blond and ginger. Your skin is like pale gold. You are perfect. I've hated all the women you've gone out with because they had the gall to not love you instantly for your perfection. Fools! No matter. You are mine now and I will never share you. I love you so much my darling John.” I ravished his smiling mouth with a hungry kiss and helped him from our bed.

We had another huge breakfast, our mysterious staff having cleaned the kitchen for us once again. _Bless Mycroft and his never ending meddling._ John was sweet and kissed me between bites. Soon I was blushing and starry-eyed as he teased me with his mouth. I bit my lip and blushed like the maiden I was as he nibbled and tormented me deliciously. I felt a stirring inside me, something I'd never experienced before and realized that I was becoming aroused by his attentions. I wasn't the only one.

John grinned at me in a way that could only be described as wicked. My heart raced as he looked me up and down as if weighing his options and finding them very much in his favor. His grin became almost predatory. “Bedroom Sherlock. Now. We have a bit of time before company and I think we need to use it wisely.” I blushed right down to my toes and his grin became toothier.

We raced through the house and into the bedroom, bursting through the doorway giggling like children. John tore off his shirt and almost ripped his trousers removing them. I tried to get my shirt off but couldn't manage the buttons so John helped me by ripping the offending item right off me. I became incapable of moving. I was bashful and shy now. He knew I had almost zero experience with human sexuality and apart from the kisses we had shared I had no idea what to expect. He urged me back onto the bed. “Don't you worry my precious darling. I'm not asking for everything right now. In fact I don't want you to do a single thing. I want to do it all. I've wanted to do this to you for so long. Let me.”

I flushed but nodded, biting my lip and flushing once again. John's eyes softened with love and tenderness. I lay back on the bed entirely nude, my body already reacting to his advances. “I'm going to kiss you all over Sherlock and then I'm going to pleasure you. I've fantasized about this for years and _today_ is Christmas.”

When he kissed me my eyes fluttered shut when the heat of it threatened to burn me alive. Our kisses up until now had been loving and tender but this was nothing like that. This kiss was filled with promise and heat. This kiss spoke of things to come, things I'd never imagined. John was in control and I loved it. I blushed all over once again.

His mouth traveled over me inch at a time as promised. John dotted kisses here and there as he tasted me all over. I shivered now, unable to stop my body from shaking. My mind struggled to catalog and understand the reactions John triggered, to process sensations I'd never experienced. I trembled as he ghosted kisses down my chest. I gasped as his tongue flickered over my nipples. I cried out when he took one and laved his tongue over the hardened tip. He kissed his way down my belly and came so close to touching my tumescent self but worked past it and down my leg. I shivered all over again. John sucked my toes for a minute and I made the most embarrassing sound when his tongue ran over my insole. John just grinned and began to work over my other leg.

I made that sound again, unable to stop myself and flushed before clapping my hand over my mouth, mortified. John chuckled and pulled my hand tenderly away. “Don't you dare my darling. I'm working very hard to make you make those sounds and I want to enjoy all of them. Don't hold back Sherlock. This is part of what we are doing and I love it.” I couldn't stop blushing but I let my hand fall to my side again as John resumed his attentions.

 

Without warning I was flipped onto my belly. I yelped girlishly and flushed again but John just growled hungrily as he ran his tongue up the backs of my thighs. I shivered and arched my back. “John!” I gasped roughly and he growled again. His kisses traveled over my buttocks and followed up my spine as I moaned and shivered uncontrollably. I felt him pull my cheeks open and yelped again as his tongue swept slowly and deliberately up my cleft to the lower part of my back. “We'll play there later.” he promised huskily. I was dizzy now, it was all so much.

I was flipped over again. John was so strong even weakened the way he was. He handled me easily. I was fully hard now and I couldn't stop the scarlet staining my cheeks as I looked down at myself. I'd never been hard in front of anyone before, barely had examined myself before. I almost never masturbated and hadn't done so for years. The end result was tiring and didn't really seem worth the effort. I didn't know what to expect when John sat back and shimmied out of the last of his clothes.

I gasped again. John's erection was so thick, so hard. His cock thrust upward out his thick thatch of pubes. For all the time we had spent naked together I had never once considered how John would look when he was aroused. Now my mouth watered unexpectedly and I wanted something. He was leaking pre-cum, a tiny trickle making his uncut head shine. I was also uncut and I couldn't help crying out again when he leaned forward to lick me from root to tip. “You're so gorgeous Sherlock. You're beautiful. You're fucking delicious too my love. I've never been with a man before, never wanted this before but now, tasting you? Oh my love, I can't wait to suck your cock. I'm going to make you come Sherlock. I want your cock down my throat, I want your come on my tongue.”

I couldn't talk. I tried to apply the words he'd just used to myself and failed. My mind was blank again. I could only shiver and moan, twitch and buck helplessly as he began. I felt the moist heat of him surrounding my glans and I shouted. His sweet mouth engulfed me one trembling inch at a time, his wicked tongue doing things to me I could barely understand. I could hear him groaning with me, could feel the vibrations on my cock and deep inside me. The sounds he extracted from me were undignified and uncontrollable. Still, the louder I was the more pleased he seemed to be.

Eventually I realized I had reached the back of John's mouth! I couldn't stop moaning loudly but then John swallowed! I almost shouted as the shot of pleasure punched right through the core of me. His clever surgeon's hands began to play over my testicles and perineum. He was humming as his head moved up and down steadily. I was losing my mind again but to pleasure this time. I actually _grunted_ at one point. I couldn't help myself. I gripped John's head tight in my hands, trying desperately to tangle my fingers in his now very short hair.

My head flailed back and forth. I was out of control. I couldn't stop how my body was responding. I drew my knees up high and wide, my feet braced on the bed and thrust upward. I held John's head steady, my hips rolling instinctively. He gagged a bit but refused to stop. I was panting now, groaning endlessly. Suddenly the world vanished. I felt my throat become harsh and rough and realized I was nearly screaming. My entire body thrashed and I shuddered hard from head to toe as my eyes rolled back into my head. _I was coming. John had made me come._ My body was flooded with dopamine and oxytocin. I experienced a high that superseded any drug that I had every sampled and I had sampled them all. I was orgasming and it wasn't stopping. My eyes rolled back again and for a long moment I teetered on the edge of unconsciousness as unprecedented pleasure raced through my every atom, taking me apart and spreading me across the universe.

Time drifted as I floated on the ether. I was barely aware of the world as I rode that high note of delight. I felt a weight at my side, a warm hand on my abdomen and came crashing back to reality. I groaned and sagged into the mattress. I realized I was chanting again. “John John John John John” I had brought myself back the way I had so many times before by using his name unconsciously to ground myself once again. I could feel the smile on my face but couldn't open my eyes. So this is what they meant in all those romantic stories. This is what all the fuss was about. Oh.

“I'm here my angel. Come back to me Sherlock. Relax my love. I'm here beside you. You were brilliant my darling. You were so perfect my Sherlock. I want to make you come like that every single fucking day.” John sounded so pleased, so happy. My smile grew even bigger.

“I had _no_ idea.” I croaked. What was wrong with my voice? John chuckled warmly. I tried again but my voice seemed to be deeper than ever and so raspy. “That was the single most incredible experience I've ever had. I have to try.”

Somehow I pushed myself up and almost fell on John. He gave a huff of surprise went I literally collapsed on his chest to kiss him messily. I could taste myself on his breath and it made me hungry again. I kissed him all over, not as elegantly as he had done but I was rushed now. I couldn't restrain myself and sooner rather than later I was hovering over his thick cock and almost drooling.

I took him into my mouth and let instinct take over. I vaguely recalled some of the things he had done to me and tried them all out one after another. John was delicious. I couldn't get enough of his flavor. I bobbed up and down ravenously. John was groaning, encouraging me, and damning me as well. His hips bucked up and he thrust himself entirely into my mouth. He pulled back with a gasp but I just swallowed him down once more, unperturbed. “No gag reflex! Fuck me!” gasped John. I swallowed as he shouted, then hummed as he had done. My deep ragged voice vibrated around him and suddenly John's hand was on the back of my head forcing me down as far as I could go. I felt him pulse inside my throat, tasted the bitterness of his semen as he came with a groan so loud I wondered if they could hear us in London. _I hoped so_.

I licked John clean before flopping onto the pillow next to him. His eyes were shut and his face was blissful and relaxed. Both of us were covered in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I tucked myself against John, my head on his chest. I felt inordinately pleased with myself. I had just given my first blow job and rather well I thought. John seemed to agree. “Fucking brilliant Sherlock. Fucking amazing. You're always amazing.”


	4. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sherlock let loved ones know about Sherlock's return.

We dozed for a while. Finally John glanced at the clock we almost never looked at and groaned. “Darling we have to clean up and get ready. They're going to be here within the hour.” I groaned too but followed my lover out of bed and into the shower. We giggled and joked as we washed up quickly. After we dried off we went to the sink. John handed me my toothbrush with a devilish wink and I blushed right down to my feet. “Can't kiss Mrs. Hudson with semen on your breath.” My face was going to burn off and it seemed to delight John. I brushed my teeth, unable to curb my blush even when John brushed his alongside me. His eyes twinkled merrily and finally I laughed and relaxed.

“You're amazing John. Thank you for today. That was simply incredible. I love you.” he stopped smirking and looked at me tenderly. I was given gentle kisses on my cheeks and he pulled my face down so he could kiss my forehead.

“You are the amazing one my Sherlock. Come now darling. Clothes.” I blushed gently again and followed my Captain back to our room to dress. We chose the nicest clothes we could find. Mrs. Hudson meant the world to both of us and we owed Molly our best as well. I ran my fingers through John's short hair, straightening the few out of place strands until he was perfectly arranged. I admired the silver that flashed here and there. It made him looked distinguished and added to the dangerous undertones he had not lost.

We were finally ready. _I felt almost nervous now._ _I couldn't bear the idea that Mrs. Hudson would be angry with me. I loved her so much_. John looked up at me and smiled gently before taking my hand and leading me back downstairs. “Should we have made a tray up? Tea maybe? She used to make us biscuits and tea all the time.” I fussed nervously but John just took me in his arms and kissed me quiet again. The world went away and before I realized it the door bell was chiming again.

John took me tight in his arms for a tight hug before standing next to me, our hands gripping each other's tightly. We heard them as they advanced to the drawing room. Mrs. Hudson sounded worried, “I hope poor John is feeling better. He looked so down when I came by last. They were my darling boys you know, like my own sons they.... oh!” There they were. Molly and Mrs. Hudson. Mycroft and Greg were standing directly behind the women and good thing too. Both of them staggered back in surprised. Mycroft caught Mrs. Hudson easily when she nearly fainted but Molly only stood herself straighter and let out a broken sigh.

“Sherlock!” shrieked Mrs. Hudson. She staggered ahead and grabbed me tight. I wrapped one arm tight around her bony shoulders and let her weep into my new jacket. John squeezed her too and she just howled as she hugged us both. My face was pulled down and she kissed the tip of my nose and then John's. She let us go and sobbed into a lacy handkerchief for a long minute. Dabbing her eyes she tucked it away. I literally saw stars when she slapped my face with all her might. “ _That was very naughty Sherlock!_ ” she shouted at me and I smiled down at her. She was alive to yell at me and that's what mattered.

John rubbed my cheek for a second and kissed it better. Everyone stopped moving and Molly sighed again, a little more brokenly than before. “Hello Sherlock. Welcome home. John, I'm glad you're feeling better.” Molly smiled bravely. We stepped forward together and embraced her.

“Thank you Molly.” we said and each kissed a cheek. She blushed and looked uncertain. John and I stepped back as one person and just waited for everyone to settle down. We had set the tea tray up so Mycroft went ahead and served everyone while Greg seated the ladies on one couch. John and I sat on the other while Greg sat in one of a pair of armchairs we had waiting for he and Mycroft.

Mrs. Hudson looked at John and I closely. After Mycroft had served everyone she set her tea cup down and folded her hands on her knees. I sighed and almost started to speak but John started before me, “Martha, Molly. Sherlock has spent the last three years saving our lives, all our lives. He's been on the move for three years hunting down Moriarty's associates so we could live.” John had spoken the name of that man for the first time. He was saving me from their wrath by putting himself between them and me by telling the story for me. My heart almost hurt with the intensity of love I felt for this remarkable person. _Always could I count on him to save me!_

I listened as he quickly explained the last three years. I couldn't keep my eyes off him but I could feel their gaze as they looked at us. I knew we must be a shocking sight for both of them. Molly had known I was alive but she'd had no idea of the level of commitment John and I felt for one another. Mrs. Hudson was misty at the sight of our interlaced fingers but Molly looked glum. Mrs. Hudson had long hoped and wished we would finally become the couple we were rumored to be. Molly had nursed a crush for me that never had a hope of being reciprocated. After a long uninterrupted explanation John finished up by saying, “Then I asked Sherlock to marry me and he accepted.”

“Oh my boys! I'm so happy for you. Congratulations John! Congratulations Sherlock! It's been a long time coming. When are you planning to wed?” bless her loving heart. We had just shocked her beyond anything, first with my resurrection and then with the announcement of our engagement and all she wanted to know was when. She never judged us, never remained angry with us. She just loved us as much as we let her and more. John looked over to me with a small smile and a raised eyebrow.

I smiled down and answered, “As soon as we're better. We're getting better every day but we still need some time. Mycroft is sorting out my return. John and I are going to stay here for a bit longer. I'm afraid I can't deal with things the way I used to and I don't think John can either. Coming back publicly is going to take a lot out of us and right now we don't have anything to give. We almost didn't make it.”

That was the bitter truth. “A few more days and things would have been very different. We were both very badly damaged.” John said softly and I nodded. Both he and I had been almost beyond saving by the time I had made it back to English soil. I looked at Mycroft and silently thanked him again for letting me come directly to John instead of sending me to the hospital the way he'd wanted to. John would not have lasted and all my efforts would have been for naught because I would have followed him into the grave. Molly finally understood completely. She burst into tears and ran from the room.

“Allow me.” said Mycroft softly. He stood and glided from the room while Greg looked on sympathetically.

Mrs. Hudson shook her head. “Foolish girl. It was never going to happen but the only one who didn't know it was her.” she sighed. John looked possessive and clutched my fingers. He'd forgotten about her crush. He looked guilty then because Molly had also helped me survive when I would have otherwise died and we owed her a lot. He glanced up at me and I was simply gazing down at him, my heart in my eyes and he melted. Mrs. Hudson sniffled as she watched us. “I'm so very happy.” she murmured again.

We sipped our tea and spoke about moving back to 221B in the near future. “I miss home.” I told Mrs. Hudson and she beamed over at me.

“It's exactly the same my dears. I haven't changed a thing. Well, you have a new fridge because frankly your old one needed to be taken away by men in special suits. Mycroft organized it. A new microwave too. Same reason.” John actually laughed when she told us this. He had been here for a long time and my heart bled a little more for the pain I had caused my beloved John. He looked up at me and saw the regret on my face. My brave soldier! He simply pulled my head down and kissed me softly, forgiving me everything all over again. So amazing. How could I have resisted him for so long?

“It will all be better now darling.” he reassured me. “We're getting better every day. Don't be upset any longer Sherlock. It's all over and behind us now. I love you.” I smiled into his beautiful blue eyes and felt his love lift me up again. He was so remarkable. I kissed his dear face and squeezed his hand tight.

“I love you too John and you're right. We're getting better every day.” I almost forgot there were other people in the room. With difficulty I stopped staring at my John and looked over to Greg and Mrs. Hudson.

Greg laughed easily. “Thanks for getting engaged! Mycroft is over the moon planning your wedding. You know how much he enjoys putting together things like this. It's his version of The Work, I'm telling you.” John laughed along with him and they began talking like the old friends they were. I sat back and just watched them interact, content to be simply near my dear John and to soak in his presence.

Both John and I were relieved that Mycroft was taking care of the arrangements. Neither of us had any idea what it would entail and probably would have ended up getting married in haste by the first qualified person we could come across. I couldn't do that to John no matter how anxious I was to marry him. He deserved an event that fitted how important he was to me. He deserved world-wide media coverage and intergalactic communications. I'd learned about the solar system while I was gone just to impress John. We'd spent many of our nights giggling over what I now recalled about asteroid belts and moons. I realized Greg was asking me a question so I pulled myself together and cast my mind back to gather up what had slipped past my focus.

“Oh, I don't really care who comes. We can honeymoon anywhere but I'd rather stay in England if John doesn't mind. I don't need much anymore, just him. I'll change my name to Watson if he wants. What do you think John?” I smiled over at my brave soldier and he grinned at me.

“What if I became a Holmes? Captain Holmes doesn't sound too shabby.” he teased me back and we both laughed. We'd already discussed this and had decided to put our names together. John and Sherlock Watson-Holmes.

Mycroft glided back into the room with a much more collected Molly in his wake. He smiled politely as they seated themselves and said, “I can't wait to see the look on our darling cousin's faces when they see Sherlock getting married. It's rankled me for years when they joked about how neither of us would wed. “Who would want to be cursed with us” they'd ask?” Mycroft very seldom got ruffled but he did seem very pleased at the upcoming change in the Holmes Brother's doomed-to-be-single-forever status. Greg reached over and patted Mycroft's knee, his eye brow raised. He was clearly asking Mycroft something wordlessly. Mycroft looked steadily at his lover and then looked away, almost appearing bored. He sighed softly and said, “Fine. Yes.”

Greg hooted and grabbed Mycroft's hand. He dug in a jacket pocket and stunned everyone by sliding a heavy silver ring onto Mycroft's plump finger. “Finally got you, you bastard.” He slumped back into his chair and grinned hugely at everyone.

John sat forward, “Did you just get engaged in front of us?” Greg nodded, his grin widening. He definitely had a cat-caught-the-canary smirk. Mycroft's face flushed slightly and he tried not to look delighted. “Explain yourselves.”

Greg slouched even more. He seemed very pleased with himself. “I've been asking this big git to marry me for almost two years now. That ring has been in my pocket the entire time. I have the sneaking suspicion that he wants to get married at the same time as you two, just to give the cousins a double nerple, pardon my French. What do you think John?”

I beamed over at my brother and he graced me with a brief bashful smile before locking down his expressions once again. John laughed and looked over to me. I shrugged my shoulders and left it up to him. “Sounds good Greg. Let's give those snooty ponce's what for. All out Mycroft. Big as you want.” Now Mycroft could not help looking pleased and nodded graciously. The British Government was getting married, no holds barred.

“The only person seriously not invited is Harry.” I noted on John's behalf. John nodded in agreement. Mrs. Hudson and Molly both looked they were going to argue but Greg just leaned forward almost in the same pose as John.

“I wouldn't have that cunt near my wedding for anything John. I haven't forgotten what she's been like these last few years. I've never seriously hated a person before but I'd be willing to hate your sister. No, Mrs. Hudson, you don't know the whole story but trust us, please. I'll make sure we have people on the perimeter to keep her from raining on our parade. We've got Holmes' to marry. That requires concentration.” John and Greg grinned at one another. They had already been good friends and were now going to be brothers-in-law. I was going to be related to Lestrade!

I looked over to Molly. She still seemed crushed by the news. I looked at John pleadingly and he nodded encouragingly. I cleared my throat, “Molly? Would you consent to being our Maid of Honor? We had discussed it last night and there's really no one we'd rather have.” Molly was so surprised. Her mouth was a perfect O as she looked at us. All her upset seemed to vanish and she nodded.

“I would be very proud to be your Maid of Honor. I would be very honored in fact.” she smiled at us now and everything was good again. I was pleased. Greg cleared his throat.

“Maybe not my place but I happen to know a certain Mike Stamford who would be very pleased if a certain Molly Hooper would even glance his way. He's been trying to catch your eye for some time now. No pressure, just consider it.” Molly blushed hard now and stared into her lap but I could see a pleased smile on her face. Mike would suit her perfectly.

John sagged back into the couch and suddenly looked exhausted. Mrs. Hudson cooed. “Oh we should get going. The boys look simply done in. Mycroft, Greg, take us back to the city please.” We all stood and walked to the door as a group. We hugged Mrs. Hudson one more time and bid everyone farewell. “Come home when you're ready my dear boys. Oh Sherlock, this has been the most wonderful of days! Welcome home my boy, welcome home.”

The house seemed so blessedly silent after the tumult of the afternoon. It was nearly tea time too so we walked slowly back to the kitchen to assemble a plate of simple sandwiches and fruit to go with our tea. I wrapped my arms around John as he put the kettle on and he leaned back into me as we waited for it to boil. “I love you John. I'm so happy.”

He tilted his head up to kiss my chin. “I'm happy too my love. What a surprise about Mycroft and Greg though. I suppose I should have expected it. Greg was always in such a twist about Mycroft, always worried that Mycroft would simply get bored and move on but he never did. If anything he chased Greg harder than Greg chased him.”

I hadn't ever paid attention to my Brother's affairs. I'd known about his involvement with Greg but had coldly assumed it was merely sexual. Unlike me Mycroft had no issue satisfying his carnal urges where appropriate. I hadn't considered that my Brother was as capable of falling in love as I seemed to be. At least he hadn't needed to die before realizing how he felt so I suppose he was one up on me in that regard.

John set us up on the breakfast bar so perched on tall stools we ate our simple meal and drank our tea silently. We still fed one another and shared sweet kisses in between. It didn't take long though and by the time we were done John was yawning. I felt weary as well and was glad we were alone. “Let's go to sleep my darling. Today took everything out of me.” John nodded in agreement and we went to get ready for sleep though it was early in the evening.

We chatted as we used the bathroom one after the other, showered quickly and brushed our teeth. We thought about then discarded the idea of pajamas in favor of possible morning sex. John remembered to flick on a dim reading lamp so we wouldn't be in the dark at any point. Yawning heavily neither of us could manage more than some tender kisses before we tangled ourselves together and fell fast asleep in each other's arms.


	5. Lovers at last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years of waiting are finally over!

I awoke in the dawn hours with John pressing open mouth kisses along my throat, his hand already busy between my legs. I rolled my hips, “You were already hard when I woke and I couldn't resist. I want to make love Sherlock.” I blushed sleepily but nodded. I would never say no to John. He was mine and I was his. If he wanted to make love, then make love we would.

John moaned and began kissing me almost feverishly. His hand stroked over me for a moment before he simply straddled my hips so he could lean down and kiss me properly. Now I moaned into his mouth as our cocks pressed together. _It felt amazing! Exquisite!_ “Lube. Drawer.” John whispered. I reached over blindly and fumbled for the small tube. I blushed hard when I realized I was about to lose my virginity. John sat back and looked down at me tenderly. “I want it both ways Sherlock. I want to fuck you but I want you to fuck me too. I want us both to have our first times together.” I gasped and flushed again as he leaned down to kiss me tenderly. I nodded, wordless.

“I don't know what to do John.” I confessed. I didn't. I had no idea what to do but my darling man just smiled down at me. “Show me?” I invited with a shy smile and he grinned down. I received a long hot kiss that had me moaning and writhing in no time.

“I'll show you my love. I want to take you right the fuck apart and watch you fall to pieces again. Don't hold back Sherlock. I want to hear and see everything you feel, okay?” I nodded, already speechless. _How did he do that to me?_

John began slowly. He kissed his way over my face and paid close attention to my neck. I groaned loudly as his sucking kisses left my neck bruised and swollen. He mouthed his way over my collarbone and over my shoulder before working his way over my chest. With hands and mouth John toyed with my nipples until they were stiff and aching for more. I groaned with every nip and bite he gave me.

John ran his hands slowly all over me, his hips mashed to mine. Tortuously he rolled his hips to make me groan even louder. “Mmm your voice is so sexy, have I ever told you that? You used to make me hard even back when I couldn't even admit to myself that I was attracted to you. I like how loud you are. I like that I'm the only one who's ever made you lose it like that. I like how you can't even talk when I'm touching you, and I fucking _love_ touching you. Your skin is so soft. You smell so good.”

John's hands never stopped moving. He had slicked one up and as he spoke he gently probed my untested entrance. I gasped as he stroked small circles around it. I gasped even more as he began to slide his finger in slowly. “Ahhhh....burns!” I whispered. It didn't really hurt but I could feel my muscles being forced open, albeit gently. John kissed me and made me forget what was happening. When I became aware again his finger was buried deep and a second was joining it.

I groaned as John sank his second finger deep into my untried body. I felt him crook his fingers in just the right way. There was no way to control the helpless sounds I was making, the desperate sounds, the begging. “Please John! Please, oh please. Yes John! Anything you want John oh yes anything!” He worked his thick fingers into me, adding more lube until he was sliding easily in and out of my body. He began to gently scissor his fingers and I grunted when a third digit was added.

My erection was almost painful. I had no idea how to react. My hands seemed to want to cling to John's biceps so I let them. My hips seemed to want to rock gently so I let them too. “Alright Sherlock? You okay?” John's voice was gravelly. I managed to open my eyes and look down at him as he prepared my body to receive him. John leaned forward carefully and kissed me lightly. “One more finger darling, I'm big and I don't want to hurt you.”

I could speak so I just nodded and rode his fingers hungrily. His crooked grin showed me he understood and I was grateful for his thoughtfulness. John's cock wasn't as long as mine but it was terribly thick. I felt hot and cold. I was nervous and anxious at the same time. I wanted this and was afraid. John understood and kissed me until all my fears melted away and left only desire behind. I realized dimly that all four fingers were now inside me, that I was ready. I nodded wordlessly and felt the fingers withdraw. I almost cried because now I felt so empty.

“It's going to be fast Sherlock. I wanted to make it last but I'm not sure I can. Don't hold back. Tell me if you want anything. I want you to feel good. I don't want you to hurt.” John was panting as he sat back between my obscenely spread thighs. He knelt back on his heels and slicked his cock with lube, stroking carefully until he was shining. He lined himself up with my entrance and leaned forward to kiss me deeply. When I was panting again I felt him begin to press inside. John's eyes locked onto my face, watching me as he took me for the first time.

My groan was so deep it was almost inaudible. We could feel the vibration of it in our chests but all I could focus on was that thick heavy heat as I was entered. John slipped himself into me with delicate slowness. I trembled hard but forced myself to relax and accept him. For a moment the discomfort was almost more than I could deal with but then I heard something. John was growling again, actually growling. The sound of it went straight to my cock and I nearly fainted with the overload of sound and sensation. I was doing this to him! It was me that was making John sound that way! I was so pleased that I almost didn't register the overfull feeling as he fully seated himself inside.

Then I was amazed. My mouth fell open. I stared at John, my eyes wide with realization. “You're inside me John. You're actually inside me!” I could feel him deep in me. His heavy thickness felt hot and comfortable. It felt right in a way I'd never considered, like my whole life had been incomplete until I was finally claimed by my lover.

John stared down at me too, the look of amazement on his face mirroring mine. “I am Sherlock. I'm inside you. All the way inside you and you feel so perfect. You're so tight. You're so hot inside. It's like my cock is wrapped in velvet made of lava. I have to move my love. I have to fuck you. I can't stop myself. I'm going to move my gorgeous love. Fuck are you beautiful. You are the most beautiful creature under the sun. I love you Sherlock.”

John rolled his hips and I shouted. His cock dragged over my prostate before he thrust back in, hitting it square on again. I shouted some more. Then John lay fully on me and captured my cries in his mouth as he began to fuck me. He tried to go slowly at first but my hands slide from his arms to his ass and pulled him faster without thinking. I just wanted it. With another growl John obliged me and after a few more poorly controlled thrusts he began to fuck me hard and fast.

The hot length of him pierced me repeatedly. The sensation was still strange but so compellingly good. I was out of control. I couldn't stop myself from saying “Oh” over and over again. I sounded broken and strange. My voice was so deep. I was a wreck. I thrust my hips up to meet John and now he cried out and shuddered. John was in me and on me and I could taste the distinctive flavor of him when he kissed me. I felt my cock straining between us, felt it almost hurt with the need to come. John arched himself up and growled out his command, “Touch yourself.”

Immediately one hand left his ass and I wrapped my fingers around my length. “Hng” was all I could say when what I wanted to scream was _I love you John!_ My Captain was swearing steadily, his eyes shut tight as he bucked and sweated above me. I was burning up. I was on fire. I was in flames. I couldn't stop myself from making loud crazed noises. My eyes slammed shut and I tried to open them.

The world went white again. I felt my mouth moving and dimly I could hear myself chanting “John John John John.” I felt stripes of something hot across my belly and chest but I was out of my body just then and couldn't process everything. I was too high on pleasure, too torn apart with ecstasy. I forced my eyes open and took in my magnificent soldier.

“Sh..Sh.... _Sherlock_!” John was groaning so loud now and his hips snapped forward hard several times. John was shaking from head to toe. His eyes rolled back and he spasmed as he collapsed on top of me. I managed to hold him tight to me as he convulsed, his cock driving deep into me. I felt a strange warmth inside me, something wet. _With a thrill I understood that John had come inside me, that his semen was in my body. I was no longer a virgin. I was now the proper lover of the amazing, fantastic, brilliant, handsome, brave, loyal, dangerous Captain John Hamish Watson_. I cried with happiness.

John sagged onto me, nearly unconscious but my sobs brought him back. He was almost panicked, “Oh god I hurt you! Oh god are you alright darling? I'm sorry!” He tried to pull out but I wrapped my legs tight around him, held him hard with my arms and kissed his sweet face all over.

“No pain. Love. I love you. I love you John. I'm undone. That was so beautiful. I'm so happy, I can't contain it. I love you John. I love you!” I kissed his face all over and he relaxed again, flushed and sweaty. I was higher than ever now and it was glorious. His marvelous eyes caught mine and he smiled as he saw for himself how very happy I was, how our act had changed me, how content I was to have him in me.

We held each other for a long time but eventually John had to extricate himself before he became too uncomfortable. He flopped down beside me and I snuggled close to him, my pleased expression making him giggle a bit. “We're a right pair aren't we Sherlock. That was so good my darling. That was the best in my life, swear.” I blushed but felt so proud. _Three Continents Watson was telling me that I was the best sex he'd ever had._ I snuggled down and felt my cheeks burn.

“We should clean up.” I muttered but my traitor body was having none of it. My eyes closed for a moment and the world was gone. We slept covered in come, sweat, and each other.

I woke John late in the morning by kissing his chest and working my way up to his mouth. We were sticky and bits of us had crusted over. I needed the bathroom desperately but I couldn't go without him. “Darling?” he whispered. I nodded against his cheek and without opening his eyes he smiled and nodded back. “One second, then we can get up.” I nodded again and waited for him to finish waking up.

John peeled his eyes open and grinned down at me. I felt him kiss my forehead then he was drawing me out of bed gently and helping me to the washroom. I was very stiff and sore. I needed to go even more desperately than before. We got there just in time. I sat on the toilet and groaned as my body took care of business. I was aching. While I went John rummaged through the cabinet until he found a bottle of paracetamol. He fished out two for me and poured a glass of water from the tap. When I'd finished I stood shakily and accepted the pain killers.

“I'll get the shower going.” I said and tottered to the stall while John used the toilet. When he finished the stall was hot and steamy. We climbed in and stood under the hot torrent. John ran his hands up and down my back and thighs, kneading gently until I relaxed and the ache ebbed away. I felt raw and sore but so very happy.

“Let me examine you darling. I want to make sure you're not hurt.” John stood me facing the shower wall, leaning forward slightly. I felt him pull my cheeks gently open so he could see for himself that I was unharmed if a bit tender. “No more for you today my love. We'll give it a day at least before we try that again. Your body needs to accept and heal.” I nodded silently. We washed each other carefully all over though, giggling and teasing one another. I realized the John was very possessive now and it made me so happy.

“You own me now.” I stated and he flushed. The scent of John was all over my skin and inside me now. He was part of me in so many ways. I felt balanced, knowing that this was how we had always meant to be but had prevented ourselves. Now it was right. _Proper_.

“I suppose I do, but you own me too so that's alright.” His marvelous eyes caught mine and I blushed with him. Sometime today I would be taking ownership of my Captain and I could hardly imagine what that would be like. “Food first my love. We missed breakfast for some reason.” we giggled again and hugged one another.

We dried each other off with towels and lots of kisses. It was romantic and gentle. John looked so proud and he took my arm in his and led me to the kitchen. We smiled and pecked each other's cheeks as we put together a substantial lunch for ourselves. We even decided to eat at the table properly, still opting to share a plate though. First John, then me and back and forth until we'd consumed everything. I realized then that I had paid no attention what so ever to anything we'd eaten in the last two weeks. If asked I wouldn't be able to name a single dish. I didn't care. We were taking care of one another and that's what was important.

“I feel so good Sherlock, almost as good as I used to. Better in fact because now I'm not tied in knots trying to hide how I feel about you. That was foolish. We never should have done that.” I nodded in agreement. We were in the solarium now, dancing among the potted exotic plants.

“I was raised to shield my feelings from the world. Mummy insisted. She couldn't bear for us to be emotional at all and got quite snippy with us when it happened. By the time I was ready to be sent away to boarding school she'd made sure that both of us were almost incapable of expressing ourselves emotionally. It was always about facts and not feelings. Caring is not an advantage.” I wasn't sure how I felt about Mummy. She was alive but I hadn't felt the urge to see her nor had Mycroft even tried to ask. I suppose I must at some point, especially since John and I were to be married. I knew Mycroft would be inviting every family member he could locate to our wedding, as well he should.

“Your mum and my sister should hook up. They can be bitter pills together and live in the Holmes Family manse like a pair of black widow spiders, just filled with darkness and misery, safely contained from the rest of the world. I can't wait to show up your cousins. How dare they tease you! Jealousy, that's what that is.” John sounded so outraged and certain I couldn't help but laugh. I could see nothing good happening to anyone who dared to say anything against me now. _John was going to be by my side. He was going to be my shield and my anchor for the rest of my life and woe betide anyone who crossed him_.

“I adore you John. I love what a surprise you are. You seem so sweet and harmless but you're not. You are a complete surprise. Remember that druggie that tried to mug us that time? He was stoned out of his mind but you still flattened him without even breathing hard. He literally had no idea how he had fallen over and kept insisting you hit him with a brick. You almost broke your hand.” we giggled together at the memory and suddenly we were both filled with “Remember whens” and reminded each other of all the times we had saved one another, how we had cared for one another to the exclusion of anyone else.

“How did we not know we were in love? Everyone knew but us.” chortled John. “Even stupid Anderson knew and he doesn't even wear lace up shoes unless Donovan stays over.”

“I guess even I can be ignorant sometimes. I've never felt concern for anyone but you John. You mattered to me right from the first moment we met. I wanted you with me from the second you walked into the morgue at St Bart's and loaned me your phone. I want you now.” I leaned down and caught John’s mouth in a heated kiss. Passion flared up and we stood there trying to consume each other. I don't know who urged who first but soon we were racing through the house again until we were on our bed, clothes torn away.

John moaned and panted as I tasted him everywhere. Taking a page from his book I flipped him onto his stomach. I lifted his hips and buried my face between his gorgeous cheeks. I swore. He was delicious! I licked him from top to bottom while he shivered, spreading him wide to probe him, tasting him as deeply as I could. I wiggled my tongue to bury it deeper inside him, humming with satisfaction. John bucked back and shuddered. “Oh fuck, that feels incredible. How do you know to do that?” I didn't know. I just wanted to do it and so I did. I had my mouth pressed tight against his anus in a completely filthy kiss and I loved it. I fucked my tongue in and out of John's tight ass, felt him loosening up and relaxing as I teased him open.

John's arm flailed for a minute then I felt a cool sensation against my knee. He'd found the lube and had tossed it close to my leg. Humming again I popped the top and dribbled a bit on my fingers. Giving him one last sucking kiss and one more deep wiggling lick I sat back and began to fuck his ass with one finger. His moans and cries were the most beautiful music to me. I felt proud and excited to make my brave soldier writhe and shudder. I added a second finger carefully. John reared back and impaled himself. I gasped and worked a little faster than he had. I added a third finger after he loosened some more. I curled my fingers the way he had done and felt the pads brush over that secret and special place, and smiled when John shouted and jerked forward.

I wasn't anywhere near as thick as John and didn't need to go four fingers with my preparations. I couldn't wait another second. I had to have him. Anxiously I almost spilled all the lube as I dumped a bunch on my hand to slick my cock with. I used my discarded shirt to quickly clean my hand off and tossed it aside again. I heard growling and realized it was me. John braced himself on his knees, holding the headboard with white knuckled hands as I lined myself up.

I leaned forward and kissed the scar on his shoulder before nuzzling his neck and whispering in his ear, “I love you John. I'm going to fuck you now.” His groan was all over the place as I began to push inside. I heard myself gasping and growling as I entered my lover for the first time. I could barely process the sensations. I had nothing in my experience to compare it to. I was blown away at how incredible it felt. John was absolutely correct. I was deep inside him and John was all velvety hot and molten.

“Sherlock! Oh god! Sherlock! Fuck! Fuck! Oh! Please! Yes! Oh!” John's voice was ragged and warbled between high and low as I began to thrust slowly in and out of him. I found that my hands were on his hips and that I couldn't relax my grip on him at all. John was still kneeling on the bed but I couldn't take that anymore and shoved him flat, laying on top of him. My hips pounded down and into him furiously. I felt my cock drag across his prostrate and John shouted. I did it again and he gurgled wordlessly.

I was relentless then. John was falling to pieces because of me. His back was flushed and his moans were loud and filled with passion. I lay full on him, clutching his shoulders and biting savagely at his neck. I was an animal and totally without control. I shoved my hand beneath him and took his throbbing cock in my hand. John bucked again and I felt the hot wetness fill my palm. I heard my name being shouted in the distance but it was lost as I roared out my release. I thrust myself as deep as I could inside of John and pulsed as I orgasmed. The world went white again and I fell forward, almost entirely senseless. We panted together for a minute and I had to close my eyes. _It was all so much_.

We woke some time later. It was dark in the room but a faint light could be seen beneath the closed door to our room. I managed to roll off John finally and he almost groaned in protest. My cock had slipped from him at some point but both of us had dried semen on us and it was itching uncomfortably. “We need to wash. Fuck, my ass is killing me.” grouched John but not seriously. I giggled and he joined me. I felt him fumbling around and soon the reading lamp was on.

John shifted himself so he was curled up in my arms and kissing my chest. I kissed the top of his sweet head and sighed contentedly. “That was incredible John. Simply incredible. Are you alright though love? I was rather rough.”

John just giggled some more and shrugged. “I'm sore true enough but not in pain really. It's all just new. All I know is that I want to do that again as soon as we can manage. Bath?” I felt hungry too but we really needed to wash and John would need to soak for a bit. I certainly had and I wasn't going to deny him comfort just to fill my belly. We helped each other out of bed amidst many giggles and tender kisses. We used the toilet again as the tub filled and soon we were settled in to soak our aches away. I'd made John take some pain killers before climbing into the water and after a while he sighed deeply and relaxed completely.

“That was superb Sherlock. I've never come so hard in my life. You didn't even need to stroke me. One touch and I was undone. That's never happened to me before. The entire experience was nothing what I expected and so much more than I thought it would be.” I blushed but felt very pleased. He shifted so he could snuggle into my chest, his lovely eyes closed as he lay contentedly against me. “I can't wait till the next time. We have a lot of catching up to do.” I nodded eagerly. Sex was a far finer activity than I had ever considered before.

My stomach rumbled loudly and I blushed while John laughed. “I think I'm hungry John.” I confessed shyly and he laughed again. How could we be so different now yet so much the same? We'd never been like this with one another before but I suppose after all the suffering we'd endured it would be foolish in the extreme to just go back to the highly repressed and closed off relationship we used to have. Now if I felt something I wanted John to know immediately and he obviously appreciated my openness.

“Up we get darling. Let's make something to nibble on and maybe put something heavier on to cook for later, yeah?” I nodded and we helped each other out of the tub. Retiring to our room we redressed and made our way back down to the kitchen. To my surprise a large meal was waiting for us and we could hear voices in the drawing room.


	6. Making Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mycroft and Greg help make plans for their respective futures. John and Sherlock articulate their love for one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I am about to begin taking HUGE liberties with various things including geneologies and general knowledge of English aristocracy. I am working with only the haziest understanding of the entire thing and have basically thrown caution to the wind in order to make the story happen. To be honest it my liberties get worse from here on out.

“Eat up you lazy bastards. We've got a wedding to plan.” Lestrade's voice was loud and clear. I could smell curry and realized I hadn't had a good curry in years. John grinned over and heaped up a huge plate with a lot of everything. I grabbed two forks and we went to the drawing room where Lestrade and Mycroft had a series of plans printed out and spread on the coffee table. Mycroft just glanced up and went to get us tea. It was nearly as good as John's.

“Dear brother, I have come up with a selection of ideas for our mutual wedding. What do you think?” John and I shoveled in food as fast as we could, still taking turns. We ate up everything as quickly as we could then set the plate on the floor. Greg picked it up and brought it to the kitchen while John and I inspected the ideas being presented to us. He returned a few minutes later with a fresh plate and two new forks. Handing it to us we gobbled down the second serving nearly as quickly as we had the first. Greg grinned at us and took the dirty dishes away once again, returning to go over the plans with us.

“I seriously don't give a fuck what you choose babe. As long as those whiny ponces you call family are eating crow you can have whatever you please. My ring on your finger is all I'm interested in.” Mycroft gave a small pleased smile at his lover's blunt words. Greg was so different from the sort of people the Holmes family normally associated with that even someone as common as John would be closer to fitting in with their society. Not that Greg or John cared a whit for doing that. Neither of them were interested in the constant jockeying for positions of power within the ranks of anything political and cultural.

John sat back, considering. He had a military background and I could see that he was viewing our impending wedding the same way he had considered the invasion of a foreign country. “Lots of understated power. The cousins clearly have no idea how important Mycroft is nor how famous Sherlock is. I'll ask my army buddies to attend in full uniform. Anyone object to a lot of uniformed soldiers as a wedding arch?” Mycroft and Greg both smiled broadly so that idea was penciled in. “Ambassadors. Lot of them. Every country you can think of, especially those that Sherlock has helped with their less public problems. They've always wanted to show their gratitude but we haven't been interested until now. That should help nicely.”

“Ask Auntie Lizzie if we can use her place for the reception. That should raise some eyebrows.” I said and Mycroft made a note after nodding.

“Auntie Lizzie?” asked John. “I didn't know you had living aunts. I thought it was just cousins.”

“He means the Queen of England John. We're about to be related the fucking Queen, god bless her.” Greg wasn't kidding. Auntie Lizzie was still a cousin through my father's side of the family but preferred to be called Auntie Lizzie and _not_ Your Majesty. John looked stunned and turned his face to mine. Mycroft saved me from a tongue lashing.

His voice was soft like always but proud, “Auntie Lizzie did not approve of Sherlock's life. She hadn't made an effort to reach out to him but she was about to just before The Fall. She was the one who provided the headstone and even had that dreadful reporter – Kitty whatever – lambasted and hung out to dry after she began the hate avalanche against Sherlock's professional reputation. Apparently Her Majesty couldn't stomach those lies knowing full well how clever Sherlock really was. Indeed, the entire family would be hard pressed to produce a single member that Sherlock has not offended with his brilliant deductions.”

Now John laughed heartily. I blushed a bit but Greg just reached over and clapped me on the shoulder. “I don't imagine they could, right Sherlock. You've offended nearly every soul that's come in contact with you.” Now I had to laugh because that was true enough. I had never made an effort to be pleasant to anyone really except Mrs. Hudson, and eventually, John.

Mycroft's phone chimed and he glanced at the text. “Dear brother, the jeweler is waiting in the driveway. Do you feel up to discussing rings or shall they send a sampler for you to look at?” It was faster than I expected but John merely motioned Mycroft to send them in. I sat back, well pleased at how John was taking charge. It felt right. He also at least had a faint understanding of these matters and I certainly did not.

A dapper man dressed in dark gray and a cravat came in bearing two large briefcases. Greg cleared off the coffee table and took Mycroft's hand while he set up. When he was done there were four large trays of rings set out for us to look at. John leaned forward and cast his eye appraisingly over them. I looked carefully over the selection and found several to my taste, one in particular. It was a heavy rounded ring, simple but also had an incision carved into it that gave the impression of an oroboros. I smiled to myself when John zeroed in on the very same one. My magnificent soldier. Of course he would choose that one.

I was beaming at him when he glanced at me and we both laughed. “Okay then. That was easy. That one.” The jeweler huffed fussily and made a show of sizing John's finger. John rolled his eyes and yanked his hand away. The man gripped a little too long and it looked a little like he was holding John's hand, a decidedly unwelcome intrusion.

“And for the ladies?” inquired the man looking around with ridiculous ostentation for the women he felt were missing from the equation. John pinned him with a very unkind stare, one matched by the stare Greg was shooting into the man's back. I extended my slender hand to the jeweler, my face blank and watched the confusion then disgust play out over the man's face. _How had Lestrade and Mycroft dealt with this business before? This man had no professionalism._

John was very firm when he spoke. His voice was crisp and heavy with reproval. “There are _no_ ladies involved. If that is a problem for you I'm sure the British Government can produce someone else to provide our rings.” the man blanched and looked ill for a second but smoothed his expression over almost quick enough. He quickly sized my finger, not lingering over my hand the way he had done with John. To lose a commission like ours would be devastating. The man set aside his opinions in favor of love or more to the matter, his love of money and reputation.

“The rings are unique. We never offer the same style to more than one couple. They come with matching engagement rings. We can have those ready for you in two days if you wish, the wedding rings will take a bit longer though, especially if you wish them to be engraved.” The man sounded dry and snooty as if he hadn't just been seconds away from throwing up. John looked at me and I shrugged.

“Fine. Rings in two days in silver mind you. I'll forward the engravings to you then.” John decided. He was using his Captain's voice too and it affected the man who stopped his posturing, becoming almost servile when he realized he was aggravating someone who could snap him in two. _I was so proud_.

We were surprised when Greg leaned over without consulting Mycroft and just pointed out a different set. “Those too. There's more than one wedding going on remember.” the jeweler nodded stiffly and dared to glance questioningly at Mycroft who remained expressionless. He sized them both swiftly, dropping the dramatic act he had drawn out with John and me. He looked at Mycroft again. Receiving no hints the jeweler nodded and packed himself up. It had only taken half an hour for the entire process. Before he left he looked uncomfortable and opened his mouth as if to ask a distasteful question.

“You may bill my office for the rings. That will be all.” the man departed at Mycroft's prompt and we all relaxed. “My, he was uptight. You'd suppose that a man in his job would be a little more pleasant and less judgmental.”

“Homophobic fuck head. I've half a mind to mention his shop to some of the breakers still on the street. After we get the rings maybe, what d'you think babe?” Mycroft just smiled at his fiancé. John and I laughed knowing that the jeweler would be experiencing a higher than normal amount of robberies after our wedding as payback.

“Mycroft, a word?” John asked. Mycroft nodded. John kissed me and whispered that he would stay in the room. He then asked me to try and not listen before he reassured me that he wouldn't leave me for a second. I nodded and felt my heart beat anxiously as John stepped away from me for the first time since we reunited. I hummed loudly to myself but kept my eye fixed on John's back as he leaned forward and whispered into Mycroft's ear. Whatever he said made Mycroft smile and nod briefly. It only took a minute but I was feeling light-headed and almost sick until John crossed the room again and took me into his arms. “Better?”

“Better.” I exhaled deeply, grateful to have him back. Greg looked at us almost tenderly and took Mycroft's extended hand before standing. “We will need a tailor brother. Bespoke suits for the wedding.”

Mycroft nodded again. “Tomorrow little brother. You can expect a visit in the afternoon.” We nodded as they took their leave, hand in hand. I wrapped myself around John and he wound his arms tight about my waist.

“That was strange wasn't it? I mean, we weren't more than six feet apart and I thought I was going to stop breathing.” John confessed. I felt better immediately.

“I thought I was over-reacting. I think it's going to be a while before we can even consider being apart.” John kissed me tenderly.

“I don't want to consider it. As far as I'm concerned we've spent enough time apart. I just wanted a surprise for you my darling so I'm getting Mycroft to arrange it for us.” I kissed my darling soldier's face and refrained from asking him what he planned. He understood, of course, and kissed me appreciatively.

“So. We've picked our rings. Suits to be ordered tomorrow. We've eaten. What to do now?” I mused coquettishly. John's predatory grin nearly split his face in two.

“Well I think I own a certain consulting detective one hell of a rogering.” John said bluntly and pinched my behind. I laughed and he chased me all the way back to the bedroom, slamming the door firmly behind us and locking it for good measure. “My ass is still sore Sherlock. Good thing our med kit is so well stocked. You're about to find out what that feels like.

I shivered at the dark promise. I had fucked John so much harder than he had fucked me but I was no longer afraid. I was eager. John pulled me into his arms and kissed me until I was gasping for air and then he deliberately tore my clothes from my body. He tossed the ragged remnants to the floor and made me sit at the edge of the bed to watch him unbutton his clothes slowly. When he was bare he stepped between my knees and just said, “On your knees beautiful.”

“Oh.” I shivered again but turned myself around and got on my hands and knees, my feet hanging off the edge of the mattress. There was no foreplay, no build up. John leaned forward and licked my ass from top to bottom, causing me to jerk ahead. John just pulled my hips back and rammed his tongue deep into my ass. I squealed like a girl and he chuckled. He then proceeded to tongue me for the longest time until I was dripping with sweat, begging him to fuck me already. My cock was so hard I thought it would explode if we just didn't start already and pre-come was dripping onto the sheets between my knees.

“Yeah? You want it gorgeous? You want my cock in your ass? You want me to fill you with my come?” John sounded dark and hungry. The way he spoke to me thrilled me. I shuddered and responded by thrusting my ass high in the air, shameless and anxious for him to just get in me already. He tongued me again instead and I felt myself loosening, becoming receptive and pliant. “On your back Sherlock, hands on the headboard.”

Oh! I crawled shakily ahead and lay gingerly on my back, legs spread wide. I raised my arms and hung on to the wooden shafts that made up the headboard as tight as I could. I was already panting. John slowly dribbled lube onto his fingers and stroked his cock. He let his head fall back and moaned as he pleasured himself for a moment. “John! Please!” I begged again.

He gave me a crooked smile and moved to kneel between my thighs. His gorgeous blue eyes burned with lust and desire. I couldn't look away and softly sighed for him when his slick fingers broached my entrance easily. He slide them in and out, never blinking, never moving until his hand was sliding all four fingers deliberately around my prostate. “That's it my lovely man. I'm going to fuck you now Sherlock. I want you to be loud for me darling. Don't hold back, not one little bit.”

I blushed but nodded. How did he do that to me? I was known for my icy control over my baser urges as well as my cutting eloquence. I had spent nearly my entire existence in complete control of myself but here I was. All it took to flip my switch and reduce me to a groveling sensation starved sex hungry trollop was the simple words from one short, plain and very ordinary seeming army doctor. He was anything but ordinary. That was his greatest disguise. He seemed to be normal, just a regular bloke, but he wasn't. He was John fucking Watson and he made me fall to pieces.

John gave me another crooked grin as he withdrew his fingers and lined himself up. I simply wailed when he drove himself deep inside me without further warning. He had been serious. He was going to fuck me through the mattress. All I could do was respond mindlessly, my moans and cries spurring him to fuck me harder and harder until our bodies were nearly bouncing off the bed as he drilled into me with all his strength. “That's it you beauty. Scream for me Sherlock. Fuck that's hot. Only me my treasure, only me! No one will ever, ever make you scream like this. I'm making you mine and only mine. I'll never let anyone lay a hand on you, not for a moment! You're mine Sherlock.”

I was indeed screaming. Each thrust made me shout as loud as I could. I couldn't help it. He was hitting my prostate head on with every thrust. His hands roamed over me, pinching and teasing. Suddenly he leaned over and bit my neck hard. I wailed again and the world went away. I was floating in the ether once more. My body shook. I trembled all over. My come splashed over my belly and chest as John crashed down on me and bucked once, twice, three times before I felt him empty himself inside me. “John John John John John John John John” I was mindlessly chanting again as I came back to reality, his perfect name once again helping me return.

I was being kissed tenderly. I could feel his sweet mouth on my face. He was dotting little kisses all over and slowly my chanting faded away and I was able to open my eyes. John was shining. His face was tender and suffused with love. His eyes were teary and he was so happy. “I bring you home don't I.” he said simply and I nodded.

“You always have John. You've kept me in the world this entire time.” I pulled him tight to my exhausted form and kissed him. Our tongues slide over one another's as we tasted each other deeply. The blind lust was gone but the overwhelming devotion had not ebbed at all. “You are my _everything_ John. I'm only sorry it's taken me so long to be able to see that. My pride has caused us to suffer so much. I'll never let that happen ever again. Nothing matters more to me than you.”

“Why me? I've never understood Sherlock. I'm nothing special. I'm not remarkable. I'm not smart like you are. Sometimes I barely understand what you're talking about. I've never understood why you tolerated me but I was always grateful that you did. Even when you've driven me right around the bend with frustration I've always been so happy to be with you. Anytime I've ever been cross with you it's because I didn't understand.” John was sincere! I felt terrible. I'd never explained my love to the one person who should know.

“My darling John. You are my conductor of light. I've said this to you but never explained. You make everything in my world clear. You filter out everything that isn't important, give meaning to the facts I possess. You calm me in a way I've never managed, not with The Work, not with drugs, not with anything. My family gave up on me years ago. Indeed I was very unwanted. None of them wanted to understand. To them I was just a petulant genius who unfeelingly caused nothing but discord. When you look at me though I feel for the first time that I'm worthwhile, that what I do matters. That how I think matters. To you I am not an ex-addict with a penchant for trouble. To you I've always been brilliant, amazing, marvelous. No one has ever felt that way about me. Even Mycroft who understands me better than most doesn't understand me the way you do, the way you've done since our very first moment together. There's something about the way you are that makes me work the way I should have worked on my own but can't. You are all the little pieces of me that were absent.”

“What? I'm a broken soldier who's addicted to adrenaline and danger. I'm scarred and shattered. I still suffer from war flashbacks and I've been in a rubber room for over two years!” I shushed John as he began to bring himself down.

“I've said it before my darling. You are a puzzle to me and no puzzle can exist without cracks and breaks. You are an endless fascination for me. I've never grown tired of your mystery. You are the ultimate delight for me, a constantly renewed adventure that never ends. You _overcome_ , don't you John. You always persevere and overcome. You ask for nothing. You want nothing in return for all the care you pour into the world and it's amazing. I worship you John Watson. You are the religion I will never be swayed from. I will kneel forever at the altar of John Hamish Watson and glory in you.” John's eyes filled with tears at my words and I kissed each of them away.

He held me tight for a long time before helping me out of bed. We went to the bathroom and got ready to shower. As the water coursed over us and ran my fingers over John's scars. “How can you bear them?” he asked. John hated his scars, thought they made him ugly and untouchable. He very seldom wore anything that revealed them. I knew none of his previous lovers had caressed them the way I did.

“Your scars are beautiful to me John. Each of them is a testament to your selfless bravery. Each of them is a step you took to get closer to me, to us. How could I ever see that as ugly? You are my brave soldier, my glorious Captain. Your scars are magnificent. Plus I've always thought you were so cute; those little arms, and your short legs, and that cute, cute ass.” I squeezed his bum, making John laugh.

“Are you calling me short?” he demanded, fake anger in his voice. I nodded somberly. I stood to my full height over him and looked down at him through my lashes. He had to tilt his head back to look into my eyes, his eyes flashing with mirth but narrowed as if he were angry.

“You are very short John. Tiny even. Not quite a midget but....” I would have kept going with my teasing jut John pulled me down for a laughing kiss. Our teeth clacked together because we were both grinning. That just made us laugh some more before we managed to kiss properly.

“You're too tall that's what. You're all arms and legs.” John noted. I nodded in agreement. I'd always hated how lanky I was. I couldn't seem to bulk up. I was mostly knees and elbows with acres of pasty skin. I had no shape really. My body had always been narrow and lean. My face was strange. My eyes were too cat like and my stupid cheekbones were sharp and impossible to hide. I didn't know how John could find me appealing but he seemed to.

John stood back a couple of inches and looked me over carefully. I couldn't read John the way I read strangers but he could read me like I was printed in extra-large type. He knew exactly what I had just been thinking of myself and he shook his head. “You are the most beautiful man I've ever seen. You take my breath away. You're tall and graceful. Your skin is like cream, perfectly flawless. Even your scars aren't mars. They only accentuate your beauty and you are so beautiful. Your eyes are magic. I can't even think when I look at them. I love your face. You're exotic and rare, a treasure. I love how slender you are. You're not bulky and overwhelming. You're a dream really, a sexy dream at that. Your ass is incredible. I know I'm not the only one who thinks so. It used to drive me spare when I caught people admiring it. Men and women mind you so I've got a lot of rivals in the world. Your hands! Watching you do things, even simple everyday things has always made me weak inside. Your fingers are long and talented. The most beautiful thing about you though my love is your mind. I am in awe of it. The way you understand things, the way you cut to the core of things, that's beauty and art and god all rolled together. I wish I could kiss your brain sometimes.”

“Oh John!” I hugged him tight to me and kissed him passionately. I loved his mouth, those thin spare lips that were always so dry but so filled with love and lust. John was earthy and solid. His body was filling back out, his ribs no longer jutting out. He was still so strong, something he proved to me by simply picking me up and pressing me to the shower wall. I wrapped my abnormally long legs around his hard waist and felt him sigh contentedly against my mouth.

“You are a dream Sherlock. A fantasy. A perfectly debauched angel with wicked eyes and a devilish mind. How could I resist you? I couldn't. I never will.” he kissed me again and we made love under the water. John entered me slowly and fucked me against the wall for the longest time. By the time we came together the water had gotten cool. We giggled as we washed quickly one last time and left the bathroom. It was so late now so we tumbled into bed after we dried off. Our room smelled of sex and come and love. Cuddling tight together we wrapped ourselves up and fell asleep happy.


	7. So much to do

The next afternoon we were visited by a small team of tailors. They wheeled in several large cases of fabrics and reams of designs. We spent a happy few hours choosing and laughing with the very friendly team who had nothing but good things to say about us as a couple. “Discretion is guaranteed with us good sirs. Our business would not be the success it is without it!” we were assured by a man name Devin.

“Mr. Holmes specifically indicated you were to be provided new wardrobes, not just wedding clothes.” said one small man. He was dapper and plump but also smooth and professional. He crooked a finger and another assistant brought in a long garment bag. “We were instructed to keep this available. It has been cleaned and mended.”

It was presented to John and me with some ceremony. We looked at each other in confusion. I reached out and pulled the zipper down and we gasped. It was my coat! “The _Belstaff_!” said John with wonder. “I thought it was ruined and long gone. It broke my heart to think it was gone. Have you had it this entire time?”

Devin nodded. “Mr. Holmes brought it to us three years ago and instructed us to repair it until it was as close to new as we could make it. You can barely tell where it was stained or torn. We put our finest people on it.”

John pulled it from the bag reverently and held it up for me. I slipped my arms into the sleeves and for the first time in three years I felt like the old Sherlock Holmes. John grinned with pride. “There's my darling!” the tailors all beamed at him.

“We've always believed in you Mr. Holmes. Indeed there is a sign at work that says as much. We've never cottoned to the stories that said you were a fake. _Impossible_! We're glad you've returned and look forward to your return to the public. They'll never hear a whisper from us though and that's a promise.” Devin came back with a small list he had drawn up. “Our entire team is at your disposal. Your wedding suits will be made first of course but it won't take long to alter the rest of the wardrobe you've selected. We will have you completely outfitted within two weeks, guaranteed. Your clothes will be delivered to you as they are completed.”

With those final words they retreated and left us in silence. John barked out a laugh. “I've never owned a single bespoke suit in my life and now I'll have a closet full. How do we afford that Sherlock? Is Mycroft getting this for us?” I shook my head.

“I'm paying for it all John. Remember Mycroft said my fortune would be made available to me as soon as possible? Well it has been and we're rich. I suppose I always have been but I've been living through the trust fund for most of my life because I couldn't get past my addictions. Mycroft took control of my money and only gave me enough to get by on. The Holmes family is old money and there's a lot of it. Mycroft has the lion's share as eldest but my portion should be more than enough for us to live on for the rest of our days, even if we're not careful with it.” John gaped at me.

“Rich? You've been rich all this time and we've scraped by on my locum work and whomever could actually afford to pay for your services? You cheap bastard!” I laughed with him knowing full well he was teasing me about being cheap. John had loved his job but he loved our Work too. Everything was different now and it made no matter to him if I was rich or not. It was just convenient.

“I'm personally grateful for the money now John though I didn't care at all before. I'm comforted knowing that if we choose to work it will be because we want to, not because we have to. We have our whole lives to enjoy any way we please. We can travel or retire to the country or anything you want.” I kissed my beloved tenderly and he grinned up at me.

“Right now my only goal is to watch your family squirm. Petty I know but I'm not a genius like you, I'm just a regular person.” John looked content and I laughed.

“You're anything but a regular person and I love you for wanting to torment them. Perhaps I'll point out the particularly hateful ones during the reception. Maybe we can make a game out of how many we bring to tears.” now we both laughed.

“It's a deal my love. Now if I can just punch Anderson and Donovan my life's goals will be met.” we laughed again. We went to have dinner together, putting meat and vegetables together for a sauté that was divine. I'd always enjoyed John's cooking, simple though it was. He made everything taste good and I never objected to his choices for meals, not even when I was at my fussiest. He'd never forced me to eat ever. He merely presented me with options and if I felt that it was appropriate I would eat. I always stole bites from his plate whenever we went to restaurants too.

“Oh, idea. We should get Molly and Mrs. Hudson something special to wear. We should have thought of that. How do women go about getting fancy clothes to wear? Greg probably knows. He was married more than once.” Three times. Mycroft would be number four. I wonder what Mummy thought about that. John nodded and we made a note of it. Mycroft and Greg were to come visit us the next day for more wedding consultations and we would present the idea then. For now though I was incredibly weary. Now that we'd eaten I found my legs leaden and my eyes heavy.

John led me to our room and we were pleasantly surprised to find that it had been cleaned while we were occupied with the tailors. Our rather filthy sheets were crisp and clean, our duvet exchanged for another that didn't have sex stains on it and our pillows were plumped and waiting for us. John walked to the dresser and pulled the drawer open, extracting a new bottle of lube that had been left waiting for us. I blushed crimson at the thought of other people being aware of our activities but he just laughed easily. “We were running out anyway.” After washing up and brushing our teeth though I was completely done in. I hazily recalled John tucking us into our clean bed but I was out the second my head touched the pillow.

I woke up the next morning wrapped around John. His back was pressed to my chest and his delightful behind was being poked by my morning erection. I eased back an inch or two, just enough to grasp for the bottle of lube. As soon as I was slick I eased into his relaxed body. I felt him groan as I seated myself completely and began to rock gently back and forth.

We kept it slow and tender, dragging it out for as long as we could. Eventually the position we were in wasn't good enough. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rolled to my back keeping myself buried in his tight body. John knelt on the bed and began to ride me. His cries echoed throughout the room and became shouts when I reached forward and began to stroke him in time with my thrusts. I crooked my legs, my feet planted on the bed and shoved upwards as hard and fast as I could manage. I could see myself disappearing into his flesh. “Sherlock! Sherlock! Oh! _Oh_!” he cried and I watched as John's head fell back, his skin pink and flushed all over. When he began to shake all over I felt his come running over my fingers and the world went away again.

When I came back John was laying on me, still impaled, his head flopped weakly over my shoulder and his legs still bent at the knees. I reached up and hugged him tight, rubbing his chest and belly slowly as we caught our breath and cooled down. “That was the best wake up ever Sherlock. You have my permission to fuck me awake any time you want.” We giggled then and he slowly rolled himself off me after I pulled slowly out of his body. He lay face down on the bed. “Fuck that was hot.”

We lay there for a while then got up to shower and have breakfast. We were tender with one another but the shower went on for a while when I decided to give John a blow job just to see if it felt different doing it while we were wet. “Fuck. I haven't had this many hard-ons since I was a teenager!” groaned John as I swallowed his thickness down over and over again until he came in my mouth. I made a note to do this again sometime with the goal of seeing how long I could make it last. Hours maybe. I loved the feel of him in my mouth and the pleasure I felt at the taste of John was more addictive than cocaine. _If I'd only known how good sex was I would have spent our earlier years sucking John off all the time_.

I stood again and held him up until he recovered his strength. I felt proud of myself and kissed him tenderly until he was able to stand on his own. “Breakfast?” I asked with a small smile as I led him from the cubicle. He laughed weakly and nodded. We dried off and got dressed before making our way hand in hand to the kitchen. John made omelets today, cheesy and filled with bits of tasty things. We ate a huge stack of toast with it and lots of jam. I managed to make a pot of decent coffee and we enjoyed cup after cup with our meal.

Afterward we went outside to stroll in the garden, enjoying the fine summer morning together. We had been trying to go for a walk every day and it got easier each time. Our weak and weary bodies were recovering nicely. The last of my wounds had faded and left behind only a tracery of scars to remind us. My hair was growing fast too and though only a few days had gone by the stubble was long enough to want to stick about in all directions trying to curl up.

Finally we heard Greg calling for us. He and Mycroft had arrived and so we went back inside to greet them and go over the next stage of our plans together. “We brought food again. Mycroft won't give up the diet so I'm protesting. It's pizza. Nice and greasy.” John laughed and I smiled at Greg. Mycroft simply rolled his eyes and looked disgruntled.

John eyed Mycroft sagely, “Stop it mate. He loves you. Don't take that lightly. Just give in alright? Don't be like us. How much time did we waste before we accepted?” Mycroft visibly deflated but Greg just stepped up to him and gave him a saucy kiss on the mouth.

“Listen to the man. He's a doctor.” teased Greg. Mycroft replied by taking a slice of pizza right from the box and taking a huge bite. Greg beamed at him. “That's my boy. Eat up love. I like having something to hang on to.” Greg was probably the only person in the world to call Mycroft a boy.

John and I shared our slices, feeding each other bite after bite until all of it was gone. Greg thought that was a fine idea and began to feed Mycroft the same way until we were all taking care of our lovers. It was sweet and lovely. Four years ago I would never have been able to stomach even the idea of such a sentimental scenario for myself, never mind my brother! He was even more well-known than I was for his dispassionate demeanor. When our meal was concluded we settled in the great room to discuss our wedding.

“Little brother, your paperwork should be complete some time tomorrow. It was a little difficult bringing you back from the dead but it's been managed. We will return with all your documents and a barrister tomorrow. You'll need to sign various things and get your photograph taken for your identification. Of course we can update those at a later date when you look more like yourself.” He glanced at my hair which had been one of the features most readily identifiable as Sherlock Holmes. My shaved head would take a while to recuperate but there was nothing to be done for it so I simply nodded and thanked him.

“I suppose we can't get married until all that is done so thanks again Mycroft. I appreciate it.” said John sincerely. I'd been back for just over two weeks now and was feeling almost like my old self. John had made huge leaps forward and looked absolutely scrumptious as far as I was concerned. His eyes sparkled and he glowed with happiness. “Molly and Mrs. Hudson. We want to get their wedding clothes for them but quite frankly we have no idea how to go about that.”

“Ah. Leave that to me gents. I know a little something about that.” offered Greg immediately which is of course what we were hoping for. “White or cream, that's all I need to know.” I shrugged but John said cream so I guess that meant something. Greg simply nodded and said he'd take care of it.

“Might I suggest some spa time beforehand? I've heard that ladies seem to enjoy such activities.” I nodded. Whatever it took to make this experience special for everyone involved was fine with me.

“We need people here too, someone to trim our hair and do some waxing.” said John without missing a beat. Greg looked startled though and darted a curious look my way. “I'd like to get spruced up before we announce to everyone that Sherlock is back and I know he would like to look his best too. Thanks for the Belstaff Mycroft. That was a lovely surprise.”

“That brings me to my next item. Gregory my dear, if you would?” Greg grinned at his fiancé and left the room for a minute. He came back with another garment bag and handed it to John who took it with knitted brows. I unzipped it and together we extracted a beautiful woolen coat. John gasped. It was clearly similar to my beloved Belstaff but shorter. We stood and I helped John into it. It covered him down to just below his bottom and was roomy enough to wear when he got the last of his weight back as well as accommodate his jumpers. “You are different men but complimentary. It seemed fitting.”

John got up and hugged Mycroft and Greg. I was smiling hugely and graced both of them with a hug of my own. I couldn't wait to be seen now. John and I would make a distinctively cutting pair when seen side by side from now on. “When do you want to come out to the public darling?” John asked as he twisted around admiring himself as much as he was able.

“I suppose the sooner the better my love. We need to get our lives back entirely so we can move forward. This time has been lovely but I miss 221B. It's our home.” John nodded. “Mycroft?”

“We can arrange a media event as soon as your ID is ready. How does three days from now sound?” I looked at John who nodded absently. He was checking out all his many pockets now. I laughed softly and nodded as well. “Three days it is. Very well gentlemen, shall we continue with our plans?”

We sat down and spent several hours discussing logistics and guest lists. Most of John’s army friends would require travel so I made sure to ensure everyone would be treated to first class tickets from wherever they were at my expense if necessary. John was still a little taken aback at my wealth but it was his as well now and he would have to get used to being rich. Once we were done with the wedding we'd probably go back to living like we'd always had, cramped together in 221B eating take-away or one of John's many hot meals. Our lives had always been filled with the enjoyment of simple pleasures like quietly sharing a cup of tea. I looked forward to it.

“I will make sure to have appropriate cards issued to John since he tends to handle your finances anyway.” Mycroft made a small note on his phone. John opened his mouth to protest then shut himself up. Even _before_ John was always the one to pay our bills, do our shopping and take care of our income. I was hopeless with things like that and he knew it well. I'd made him take my debit card right away and heartlessly exploited his good nature just to avoid ever having to navigate the dairy section ever again. Mycroft looked over his other notes then continued, “I will also engage a small hotel for the event so we can house our guests together. That will make it simple for everyone. I will also retain a limo company to ferry people back and forth from the ceremony to the reception. Auntie Lizzie was more than happy to provide us the space we asked for though she will not attend the wedding. She will however make an appearance at the reception, if only for a few minutes.”

The guest list was tremendous at this point. There would be several hundred people there. Mycroft and I didn't bat an eye at the expense. We had been wealthy even as children. Mycroft had done nothing for the last few decades but increase our wealth until it was several times its original vast size. We could pay for this event and barely make a dent in the overall mountain of money we had at our disposal. “When can we have it?” I finally asked. Mycroft pondered for a long minute.

“Less than a month from now? That will give time for the ambassadors to adjust their schedules and for John's friends to acquire the leave they need to attend. Anthea of course will make sure the arrangements are made satisfactorily. That will make our wedding occur at the summer Solstice.” We looked at each other and finally Greg nodded. “Very well. Three weeks from now it is.”

“Media?” I asked. “Who has been kind to us during this time? They should be rewarded by being invited to cover this event.” Mycroft nodded, well pleased with this idea. That would seriously limit the amount of press that was involved but would give me the opportunity to praise John the way I wanted to.

“Oh! We forgot Angelo!” said John with a start. I nodded eagerly. He had stood steadfast beside us all this time even though the reputation of his restaurant had suffered for it. He was the first one to call us a couple so Mycroft simply added his name to the growing list of attendees. He had even brought food to 221B after The Fall, anxious to help John survive my apparent death. He deserved to be a part of this. Greg was inviting at least half the force. They would be in uniform as well or suits if they were not in uniform normally. This would be the safest wedding this country had ever seen since it would be crawling with police, detectives, Ambassadors, their bodyguards and most of the available MI6 agents that could make it.

“Where are you honeymooning?” John asked Greg who shrugged. We'd only generally discussed this. I'd had my fill of travel for a while so I left our honeymoon plans to John.

“Don't care mate. Myc can bring me wherever he wants. As long as there is a bed there or at least a bit of privacy that's good enough for me.” Mycroft blushed as Greg spoke. His lascivious tones were unmistakable. Greg wanted somewhere to fuck Mycroft senseless and that's all that mattered to him. John nodded thoughtfully before turning to me.

“What about your summer cottage darling? It's still in England. We've only been there the one time. Maybe we can go there for a couple of weeks, what do you think?” _Bless John_. I nodded eagerly. The summer cottage was small and isolated on the coast but easily close to at least three communities and only a few hours from London.

“I was thinking of the villa in France for us Gregory. The chalet is seldom used and offers many amenities, beds included.” Mycroft sounded almost shy as he made the offer but Greg just nodded.

“Wherever you want love, you know what I want.” the hungry look on Greg's face and his grin reminded me of John's toothy grin. I was happy for Mycroft. He'd finally found someone who loved him for himself and not for what he could give them. Greg seriously didn't give a toss for money or influence. He was a straight arrow. Well, he was relatively honest but apparently bent as fuck when it came to bedroom matters. I suppose that's what it took to keep Mycroft interested which he clearly was. Mycroft's affairs had been numerous but none of his previous lovers had lasted more than a few weeks at most. Greg on the other hand had kept Mycroft's attention firmly on him for at least five years already and that was something to be amazed at.

I looked over at John and saw he was beginning to doze lightly on the couch. Mycroft and Greg simply gathered up their papers and laptop. They gave me a nod farewell and just left without a word. I gathered my soldier up in my arms and carried his slight form back to our room. I stripped myself first then managed to get his clothes off without waking him up. We could eat whenever we woke. I cuddled to him and pulled the duvet tight around us. Closing my eyes I fell asleep instantly.


	8. You and I together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last days of their respite are winding down. Getting ready to face the world.

I woke moaning. John's head was between my thighs moving up and down with delicious regularity. I gripped the sheets and threw my head back only a minute later, emptying myself in John's mouth. I couldn't move or even think for the longest time. I just lay there gasping and shaking. “You are beautiful when you come. I've never seen anything like it,” whispered John. He was very pleased with himself and stroked my chest and belly gently as I recovered. “You make the most delectable sounds. I can't get enough.”

I blushed, something I seemed to do all the time now. My cheeks seemed to be permanently scarlet these days. When I was able I rolled toward John and kissed him deeply. He sighed happily and then made an interested sound when my hand began to wander. “I have an experiment I'd like to perform John.” I said facetiously. “I suspect though that we should get up to make some preparations first before I begin.”

“What sort of experiment darling?” John sounded confused but began getting up. He was on the floor and helping me out of bed when I answered. I pulled him in for a kiss and ran my hands down his back.

“I want to see how long I can suck your cock for. Unfortunately I think we need some food and perhaps a shower before I begin. I was aiming for quite a long period of time and I don't want our bodies to give out on us first.” John stopped moving entirely and his eyes glazed over. I smiled and continued kissing his frozen face.

“I'm sorry darling can you say that again? I'm afraid my brain just shut down.” he said after two or three minutes. I giggled against his mouth.

“I said...I want....to see....how long...I can....suck...your...cock.” I kissed him as I spoke and he groaned into my mouth. Suddenly I was pushed back onto the bed and was being kissed deeply and roughly. After a long and satisfying snog John helped me back up, his toothy grin firmly in place.

“Well let's use the bathroom and go have some breakfast. Far be it for me to prevent Sherlock Holmes from doing a bit of research.” with a laugh we snatched up our robes and went to the washroom where we got ready for our experiment. After we were done we left to go make a hearty breakfast. “I don't want you to run out of energy John.” I said, adding items to the menu. He laughed and we made a full English breakfast, enough for four and ate as much of it as we could. After we'd finished our coffee John took me by the hand and led me back to our bedroom, locking the door behind us. There would be no interruptions for this experiment.

“On the bed John, make yourself very, very comfortable.” I helped him peel out of his clothes and slowly undressed myself in front of him. He was already half hard even before I began to crawl across the bed on my hands and knees. I tilted my head up and he kissed me lovingly before leaning back on a mound of pillows he had arranged for himself.

I was excited. I pushed his knees apart and set his feet firmly on the mattress on either side of me. I knelt between them and lowered my face until I was hovering over him. I moved up and down, eyes closed just taking in the scent of him. I moved back down and extended my tongue, licking him from balls to head in one slow motion. He moaned softly and hardened further. Gently I took the head of his cock in my mouth and ran my tongue gently around the crown, earning another moan. I flickered across the slit and he gasped. Finally I allowed myself to push downward, enveloping him slowly until my nose was buried in his coarse curls and John was moaning softly again.

“How the fuck can you even breathe?” he whispered. I shrugged casually and made him cry out when I swallowed then coughed slightly. “Fucking hell! Fuck Sherlock. Do that too much and this isn't going to last long at all.”

I would have smiled if that had been possible. My mouth was fully engaged with devouring John. I let my eyes flutter shut for a while and simply concentrated on his responses. I changed my movements in small increments, testing different motions, different levels of suction and the prudent application of teeth. I used my hands or just my fingers occasionally, playing with his testicles and perineum, pressing along his cock gently and even toying with his pubic hair. I cataloged everything and noted the degrees of his responsiveness.

An hour had gone by and John was mad with pleasure. He had gotten louder as we'd gone on, his moans and cries now completely unrestrained. My jaw was beginning to ache though so after a bit of planning I began my grand finale. I sequenced all the movements he'd seemed to like the most and choreographed them into an oral dance that made John go wild. I rolled his balls gently with my fingers as my tongue fluttered over the frenulum of his penis. I sucked him all the way down until the head of his cock was in my throat and began to hum deeply. John went insane. His hips bucked uncontrollable and his hands gripped my head hard. He shoved downward and I felt his come jetting against the back of my throat making swallowing almost unnecessary.

“Sherlock! Oh fuck! Sherlock!” was all John seemed to be able to say. He melted into the pillows and slumped heavily afterward. He was dazed and weak, covered in sweat and panting hard. I sat back on my heels to admire my handiwork. John was completely out of it for almost ten minutes and I was bursting with pride. Finally John recovered enough to peel his eyes open and look at me blearily. “How long?”

“One hour twenty minutes John.” I answered promptly. “I'm sure I can make it longer now that I know what I'm doing. My jaw is a bit sore but with practice I'm positive I can improve my results.”

“Fucking hell that was incredible. I had no idea that could even be done and _I know_ you've not done that with anyone but me. You really are brilliant Sherlock. Genius at everything you try. How did I get so lucky.” he pulled me over and kissed me lazily. I was very content to cuddle in the pillows with him and bask in his admiration.

“By being absolutely perfect and you are John. You are absolutely the most perfect man in existence. I enjoyed that and look forward to next time.” I had enjoyed it very much. It had given me such a sense of satisfaction, very much like the satisfaction I'd felt when doing The Work. I had pleasured John with skill and had made him feel good for over an hour. I had also been erect the entire time but a lifetime of ignoring my transport allowed me to set the discomfort aside.

I was surprised when John pushed me flat onto my back and straddled me, grinding his ass down on my still hard cock. “Well darling, I think that deserves a thank you. I'm not sure I can make it last an hour and twenty minutes though but I'll see what I can do.” John slid back and forth before leaning over and fetching out our bottle of lube. With a crooked smile he drizzled some on his fingers and reached behind himself. His eyes fluttered shut and with a groan I realized he was fingering himself open for me. I groaned again when his small hand grasped me, coating my turgid length with lube.

“Ready gorgeous?” he asked softly and I nodded, biting my lip. We moaned together as John settled down on me, sliding cautiously until I was completely buried within him. I was already breathing hard. There was no way in the world I was going to last over an hour. I wanted to come right that second!

John knew of course and grinned wickedly at me. He was still soft but that didn't trouble either of us as he began to ride me slowly. When John rolled his hips and swirled a bit I nearly passed out from the shock of pleasure I felt. My head lolled back and a deep groan echoed around the room. “Like that did you?” he said softly and twisted his hips again. He tore another groan from me, his crooked grin become broad.

Now I was in John's experiment. He lifted faster and slower, twisted and rolled until I was nearly cross-eyed. I couldn't form words. I grunted and whined, keened and mewled as he rode my hardened flesh. Finally John arched back and settled his hands on my thighs. His hips thrust upward, his soft cock bouncing lightly as his hips dropped down faster and faster. I was gasping for air and exhaling nonsense sounds until my cries peaked together into an orgasmic struggle for breath. When I came I felt like I was emptying my entire being into John. I throbbed and shuddered the entire time before I was able to come down from the heights by mindlessly chanting his name again.

“I fucking love it when you do that. I love seeing you completely undone Sherlock. It's gorgeous. I hope you never stop letting me.” I could feel John kissing me tenderly all over my face and chest. He was now cuddled up to my side and was petting me gently to calm me. I had a smile plastered across my face and I curled into him as soon as I could.

“I'll let you do that to me forever John. Whatever you want to do to me, you can, forever.” he kissed my smile softly.

“Good. That fits in with my plans to keep you happy for the rest of our lives then. Excellent.” I giggled with him now and we hugged happily. I was pleasantly sore now and felt alive and focused. “Shall we get cleaned up? I think everyone is going to be here soon, we've used up most of our day somehow.”

I laughed again and we helped each other wobble out of bed on shaky legs. The shower was necessary. We reeked of sex and if we were going to be doing photographs and other official things we really needed to clean ourselves up. We washed up, brushing our teeth extra carefully and dressing in our robes we chose clothes for later that were conservative. We tottered downstairs and made a late lunch and drank as many cups of tea as we could manage to rehydrate. The hairdresser and body stylist showed up first and took care of our appearance. They came and went in less than an hour, just enough time to wax me smooth everywhere but my head and to trim John's hair until it was perfectly back within military standards. The body stylist was a little put off by not being able to whisk me away for my session but one steely look from John shut her right up. The woman did her task in full view of the hairdresser who was more than a little shocked but both managed to do their jobs regardless. John and I were both re-shaved perfectly as well and dressed ourselves afterward. By the time our company arrive my almost permanent blush had faded and we looked very presentable.

Right after they left the others arrived. Mycroft was alone and was testy about it. “Greg got called back to work early.” was all he would say. “We'll come back together tomorrow.” John clapped him on the arm and even I set my hand on Mycroft's shoulder in sympathy. John and I had not even tried to be in different rooms yet so knowing they two needed to be apart so frequently made us feel queasy.

The barrister had some long boring name to go with his affiliates but I didn't bother remembering it. Mycroft obviously knew who the barrister was so it didn't matter if I did. John sat between the strange man and myself, providing a safety zone for all parties. A fat sheaf of paper was produced and one after the other we went through them and I signed off on everything that attested to my being really alive and still Sherlock Holmes. John was also required to sign a large quantity documents since he would be my husband soon enough and most likely to be in charge of our lives.

After the last signature was obtained John and I were equals in everything and the wedding itself was merely a formality for others to enjoy. I didn't care about financial authority but John liked know the bills were paid and Mycroft knew that. A photographer had been waiting outside as we concluded the legal matters and in a few minutes he had snapped off a variety of pictures that would make their way to my new identification cards, all of which would be ready that same afternoon thanks to Mycroft. When all was said and done I was officially alive, officially wealthy again, and officially ready to meet the world.

The photographer and lawyer left. A messenger, likely Anthea, would be sent back later on with all my cards. Mycroft pouted for a while then gathered his normal calm reserve back together. “When would you like to return to 221B?”

John and I looked at one another. Our public return was inevitable but I wasn't looking forward to the cessation of our time together. Still, if I wanted to be married I needed to do this. I looked at John pleadingly, silently begging him to decide for us. He nodded. “Give us a couple more days Mycroft then call the circus. We'll go back to Baker Street on Monday. Thank you again for everything. I know it wasn't easy and I appreciate it.”

Mycroft softened, knowing full well that John was as sincere in his thanks as he was in his criticisms. John never pulled punches, especially with Mycroft. He'd earned my brother's respect all on his own by knowing when to stand firm and knowing when to accede graciously. Mycroft bowed his head slightly in acceptance. He looked at us and brought a small box from his pocket and left us with a small smile.

John looked at it for a long minute before picking the box up and flipping it open. Nestled on scarlet silk were two silver rings. Extracting them gently John took my left hand in his and slid my engagement ring on. He raised my hand to his mouth and kissed my fingers lovingly before raising his head, “I'll be with you forever Sherlock. All I want is to be allowed to stand with you until the end.”

I took the other ring from his hand and slid it on. Repeating his gesture I kissed his ring reverently and looked up at him, “We will never be parted. _You_ live and _I_ live. Together. Always.”


	9. Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Private time is now over. It's time to let the world know the truth.

We were as ready as we could be. There was nothing more to be done and we finally realized our clock was running out. We had only two more days of privacy. Two more days before the world knew about us. Two more days to be with one another without consequence. We went to the kitchen and ate a large meal with determination. We finished dinner almost grimly but soon we were kissing passionately and moving towards our room.

Our clothes were discarded. We hit the bed without rational thought. The rest of the night was spent pulling each other apart and falling to pieces over and over again. When we finally slept it was near dawn. When we woke late the next morning we got out of bed long enough to wash up before eating another large meal and retiring right back to our room to make love until we had to get ready for lunch with Mycroft and Greg. A large package of ID and a new wallet had been waiting for us on the breakfast counter so while John cooked I packed my new wallet after we examined everything and set it aside.

During the visit we planned the wedding further, though Mycroft had everything well in hand. The pair of them just wanted to visit with us and it was pleasant, even enjoyable. I had always liked Lestrade and John got on well with both men. I suppose I got on better with my brother now too since we were no longer busy sniping and picking at one another endlessly. Perhaps we were maturing. John shook his finger at them though and insisted there be no more visits arranged for Sunday. It was agreed.

The rest of our time was spent making love. That's all we did. We kissed and caressed every minute we were awake except for meals which we were religious about having. We needed to be well and healthy and we couldn't do that without food so no matter how tempting it was we still got in three good meals a day instead of having sex every second the way we wanted to.

Monday morning began with a long loving shag before a very detailed shower. We packed up quickly and made out on the couch until Mycroft's car arrived to usher us back to 221B.

We stayed only long enough for tea with Mrs. Hudson after leaving our bags on the landing. She was so happy to see us back but understandably upset about the frenzy that was about to begin. “Mycroft is sending me to my sister's for a week. I'll be back soon enough my dears. That should be long enough for the worst of the reporters to have come and gone.” We nodded and thanked her again for being so wonderful. She kissed us both and then we returned to the car to be driven to Mycroft's office.

We were delivered to a private parking bay and smuggled to a large conference room where a large assortment of reporters were milling around trying to decipher why they had been gathered. I was wearing my Belstaff and John was wearing his which he kept calling 221. “You know, 221 Belstaff.” his jokes were awful but like always I couldn't help but laugh and now that's what we called his coat, 221. We wore nearly matching suits underneath and our silver engagement rings were firmly in place. I had considered re-asking John to marry me in front of the reporters but he had deduced me and threatened to cancel the wedding if I tried to one-up his proposal. I was pretty sure he was joking but decided to take no chances. Mycroft was across the staging area on the other side of the podium. His well-cut suit did it's best to minimize the roundness of his stomach and the width of his behind but the tailors could only do so much to disguise the fact that Mycroft was fighting a losing battle.

Mycroft went to the podium, entering from the far side of the stage where we were still hidden. He began somberly, “Three years ago my world was destroyed by the death of my little brother, Sherlock Holmes. He was driven to apparently commit suicide by the mad-man known as James Moriarty also known as Richard Brook. The death of my brother not being good enough, his character and achievements were then smeared by an initially successful campaign launched by a local media personality. The fallout from that fiasco tore this city apart and it was years before all was sorted and sifted, proving without a doubt that my little brother was not only innocent of the crimes attributed to him but he was also the unparalleled genius that Mr. Moriarty hated enough to destroy. The backlash of that anger and hatred was so severe that it nearly claimed the life of Sherlock's dearest friend and companion, the inestimable Doctor John Watson. For those of you who contributed to this may your shame be everlasting.”

Reporters darted looks between one another and shuffled around where they stood until a handful were being obviously avoided like they carried the plague. Mycroft looked balefully at them and we could see them nearly cringing in the unexpected limelight of disapproval. “What the world did not know or perhaps, did not wish to know, was that James Moriarty's dark influence wasn't just felt in London, or indeed just in England. His web of treachery and manipulation was global, touching every major country and utilizing thousands of criminal elements of every description. For those of you who are aware you may have noticed that many of these key organizations have all toppled one at a time until they have all disappeared forever. In whom do we place our thanks?”

Everyone was murmuring now. Heads were craning back and forth, shoulders were shrugging but each and every one of them had the sense to know something big was happening. You couldn't drag them from this room if you had tied them to a lorry. “What the world also did not know was that Sherlock Holmes did not commit suicide. He was driven off the roof of St. Bartholomew Hospital by James Moriarty in exchange for the removal of assassins who had been engaged to kill all those nearest to Sherlock. It was a simple choice. Sherlock could save himself or he could save his friends. To his credit Sherlock did not hesitate. He flung himself from the building to save the lives of those who meant most to him and for that valiant act he was repaid with vile rumor and innuendo.”

The circle around the disgraced reporters grew significantly larger now. Mycroft stared at them until the circles grew even wider then he spoke again. “Nearly three weeks ago I received a call I had not expected. A bit of news, a tiny piece of information that altered everything. A missing piece of the puzzle that no one could have expected. This piece of information explained everything. Ladies and gentlemen -” Mycroft merely extended his hand in our direction. John gripped my fingers tightly and we left our hiding space with our heads held high.

The gasp of disbelief was deafening but not as deafening as the roar of questions that began to be shouted from all corners nor as blinding as the camera flashes which bombarded us. We reached the podium where Mycroft stepped back and allowed us to take his place. One reporter, louder than the others shouted, “You're alive?”

I sneered down at him, “Obviously.” and John snorted out a laugh. The questions began to fly at us in a hailstorm but I ignored all of them. “Three years ago I was given a choice. I could die or my friends could. This was no choice at all. Sadly for my rival I had taken into account that probability and planned for it. I had no idea at the time what the end results would be nor could I have imagined how incredibly long it would take to finish my end of the job. So very many of you were willing to cash in on my supposed disgrace though weren't you. It was only due to a very large amount of luck and my unwavering determination to return to John Watson's side that I persevered to stand before you today.”

I looked down into the crowd and saw Mycroft's people handing out thick white envelopes with the injunction to merely hold them until I was done. Only a small percentage of reporters received them and all of them looked uneasy. When it was finished John squeezed my hand one more time and I continued. “Some few of you have never strayed from the real truth. Some few of you dug and dug and dug until the lies fell apart and the real story emerged. To those few I give you thanks by way of this invitation. Open your envelopes please.” We waited for them to obey. When each shocked face turned our way John stepped forward.

“For those of you bearing the envelopes you are invited to attend and report the marriage between Sherlock and myself at the date and location indicated. For those of you without, well, you had your chances didn't you? Though you didn't directly participate in the tear down of my fiancé's reputation you actively and knowingly benefited from it. I look forward to seeing those particular few on my special day. This statement is over.” John took my hand and led me firmly from the staging area, ignoring the storm of questions we'd left behind.

Mycroft was smiling grimly when we rejoined him. “That was very satisfying. Thank you Sherlock, John.” John barked out another laugh and shook Mycroft's hand. My brother looked almost charming as he smiled down at John. The red in his hair was accented by the flash of cameras still exploding in the background though we were all out of view. I grinned at him, pleased that he was pleased.

“Anytime you want to devastate the local media, and make Sherlock look good, you give me a call, right mate?” now we all laughed. Mycroft smiled again and let us leave. John threw me a boyish smile, “Dinner? Angelo's?”

“Yes darling, wherever you'd like.” I smiled down at my lover and let him lead me from the building and back to our private car. Mycroft had assigned it to us until after our wedding since getting around London in cabs or on foot would be unfeasible for the next while. It slid away smoothly and left the mayhem behind. Our driver parked in front of Angelo's. We soaked in the view of it first, both of us overcome with sentiment. John eventually moved first, getting out then reaching in to help me out as well.


	10. Easing back in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and John begin their new lives together.

When we stepped into the restaurant Angelo nearly fainted. “My friends! My dear, dear friends! Have I died? Have I gone to heaven? Can it be? Sherlock, you've returned to your dear Doctor?” I smiled and nodded. I couldn't help but notice the sign on Angelo's door, now old, worn, and very graffiti ridden that said “I believe in Sherlock Holmes”. Both John and I stepped forward and embraced the teary man who was a greasy and plump as ever. He was nearly sobbing with happiness as he led us to our favorite table. John stopped him before he could dash away for a candle and our menus. He extracted Angelo's invitation from inside 221 and pressed it into the restaurateur's hand.

“We are back, we are getting married, and you are invited.” was all John managed to get out before we were being crushed in another emotional embrace. Angelo actually yanked a napkin off our table and wept into it.

“I knew it! I knew it the moment I saw you Dr. Watson. I _knew_ you were the one for Sherlock! This is a great day, a blessed day! Anything you want, on the house, anything at all. I haven't fed my two favorite people for years. Sit gentlemen, sit. I will serve you myself.” he hugged his invitation to his chest and mopped his tears away without success.

I had to have the ravioli. I had pined for it. John smiled and agreed so we placed our order. “One plate Angelo, we'll share.” Angelo just about burst into tears again at the romance of it. He nodded and rushed away to oversee its creation personally. He came back with a large bottle of wine and poured us each a glass. A large basket of bread arrived next along with two more candles. When the ravioli arrived we had to laugh. The serving was obviously double its normal allotment and arrived along with several side dishes not normally included but that we had enjoyed many times before.

We dug in and took turns feeding one another. Angelo was beside himself with happiness and sentiment. He refused new customers seating until the restaurant held only Sherlock and myself. We nibbled our way slowly through everything, reminiscing about times we'd enjoyed certain dishes, laughing about how I had always stolen food off John's plate rather than order my own. _How blind we had been! We had always been a couple, deny it though we tried._ The wine was crisp and delicious, the food was savory and perfect and so was the evening.

When we finally got up to leave Angelo brought us two tiramisu’s wrapped to go. “For later, you will need energy, yes?” I blushed like a maiden again but John shook Angelo's hand and the poor man nearly dissolved into tears again. John took my arm proudly in his once again, the bagged dessert on his other arm and led me from the restaurant back into our car. Angelo had delivered a take-away meal to the driver who had been very pleased to be remembered. We were back at Baker Street a couple of minutes later.

We stood at the entrance to 221 and unlocked the front door. We were anxious to be home and made certain to lock the door firmly behind us. We wanted no unexpected visitors our first night home! Our bags were still on the landing so I unlocked the door while John gathered everything up. We walked inside and stopped cold. We looked around at our flat for the first time in years.

It was spotless. Mrs. Hudson had clearly spent her free time scrubbing our flat from top to bottom. There wasn't a speck of dust anywhere. There was a vase of red roses on the coffee table and a note on the kitchen table. With a smile we saw that the bison had a new pair of headphones and someone had stuck a candy cigarette into our skull's mouth. Even the smiley face was still present on the wallpapered wall, bullet holes included. I felt warm all over as I soaked in the familiar surroundings. John read the note. “Mycroft. He filled the fridge and cupboards for us and left my surprise waiting.”

 _Oh. John's surprise. I'd managed to forget about his whispered request_. He turned and flashed me another boyish grin and my heart leapt in my chest. He opened the new much larger fridge open to put our dessert away and laughed. Inside were two cartons of milk and all of John's favorite breads, cold cuts and other foods including beer! I opened the cupboard where there was a selection of expensive teas as well as John's favorite supermarket blend. There was also an abundance of biscuits, all our favorites. Another cupboard was filled with all the canned foods John also enjoyed. “There's nothing special for me.” I pretended to whinge.

“You only eat what _I_ eat so _all_ of it is for you, you bastard.” said John mildly and I laughed. He was right. I had no idea what I ate before he moved in with me. He provided all the food and all the treats all the time. I supposed I lived on take-away before that, at least whenever I remembered to feed myself. John bustled around and put a shiny new kettle on. I took his coat and hung it carefully next to mine. I realized then that I had walked away from John without feeling anxious.

I turned and looked at John. He had come to the same realization and we looked at each other in surprise. He grinned once again. “I guess we're home now.” I grinned back at him. I guess we were. We were safe in 221B and we were together. I flowed across the floor and back into his arms. We kissed until the kettle sounded off then went to the living room to cuddle on the sofa while we enjoyed our perfect cups of tea.

After we had sipped and cuddled for a long time we decided to walk through our old home. I missed everything, recalled everything. I mentally went over all the minute changes, unable to set aside the part of myself that insisted everything be just the way I wanted it. It was John though and not me that made the few corrections that were necessary, “You like that stack of books here and not there.” He slide them over to the right location without asking. He also shifted things that weren't exactly where we'd left them until the room was finally in order. We both sighed and relaxed some more.

“Come on my handsome man. Your place or mine?” I winked boldly at John and he smiled up at me.

“Your place beautiful. You lead, I'll follow. I like looking at your arse.” I winked at him again and led him back to my old bedroom. I was surprised when I pushed the door open and saw my single bed was gone and in its place a double had appeared. “Surprise!” said John.

I turned and smiled at him. He explained, “I knew I wanted to stay in your room but there's just no way we can be in a single bed and my room much smaller. We can't fit a king size anywhere in this flat but a double would do us nicely. It's supposed to be very quiet too since we're fairly active. I don't want to hear the neighbors complaining about whatever they think they are hearing.” I smiled even more and examined our new bed carefully.

It came with a frame and headboard but it was all so sturdy I would guess that we'd need the assistance of several burly athletes to get it to make any noise at all. The mattress was plush as well and fitted with matching sheets and a new duvet. “How hard do you think you can fuck me?” I asked breathlessly.

“Don't really know. Let's find out.” John came up behind me and ran his hands over my chest and hips at the same time. I shivered. I let him peel me out of my clothing and stood there mutely as he stripped himself. I was bashful again, frozen and blushing. John was commanding and in charge. I wanted to kneel at his feet and worship him for being so incredible so I sank to my knees and took him in my mouth without another thought.

“Sherlock! God! Fuck, do you _ever_ have a filthy mouth.” he thrust his hips forward gently, fucking my mouth as I slid him in and out slowly until he was hard and throbbing. I released him with a loud pop and smiled up at him through my lashes. He growled softly, “Fucking beautiful you are my lovely man. Up on the bed darling, hands and knees.”

I scrambled up and presented myself eagerly. John growled possessively as he leaned in to taste me. I quivered as his tongue speared me and hung my head low as I moaned. John ran his tongue all over me before he resumed his deep kiss to loosen me. I rocked back and forth gently. I tried to keep still but I couldn't quite manage. Finally John pushed me forward until I was on my stomach and kneed my thighs as wide as they would go.

I heard the pop of the lube container opening. I was moaning softly, thinking of John's fingers which would be teasing me open soon. Instead what I got was John's cock braced against me. “Scream all you want my love.” said John almost harshly and then he shoved himself deep. I cried loudly and almost came. Pain and pleasure exploded through my sensitive body. I nearly wept at the perfection of it. John was relentless and unforgiving. He straddled my hips and rode me deep and roughly.

I panted and arched my back. My body twisted and shook but John never stopped or slowed. When my struggles became too aggressive he simply wrapped his arms around my waist and held me to him while he plundered my behind savagely. My cries became louder and more debauched sounding the rougher he was. John allowed one of his hands to roam and his fingers began working my nipples. I gasped and shuddered with every twist and pinch.

“Fuck you are tight! You're so hot inside my darling. Fuck can you take a cock. I'm going to split you in two my love. Right in fucking _two_.” John's thrusts became fearsome and he dragged me up onto my knees with him. He was sitting on his heels and my back was pressed to his chest. He was almost lifting me right off the bed, making it impossible for me to wiggle away. I could hear our bodies slamming together and heard myself emit high pitched squeaks each time John shoved himself deep. He twisted his hips just a bit and my voice shrilled off in registers I'd never attempted before. My cock throbbed and emptied onto the bed without a single stroke and John vibrated as he came deep inside me.

He let go of my waist and I collapsed forward bonelessly onto the bed, wide-eyed and gasping for air. He sank fully back onto his heels, his head hanging back and his cock dripping onto the bed as he struggled to breathe. I shuddered all over and hugged my pillow tight as tears flowed out of me. “Oh! Oh god! Sherlock! Are you alright? Oh god, I've hurt you. No!” John sounded panicked again but I just shook my head, still speechless so he cuddled me close and let me cling to him.

“No darling, no hurt. Good. Too good. Sorry.” I gabbled. _I couldn't put together a coherent sentence to explain how I was feeling. The passion of the moment had overwhelmed me. The orgasm itself had melted me down and made me mindless. I was weeping because of the powerful love I felt for John, that he and he alone could bring me to such heavenly heights._ I tried to speak again, “Love you John. Was good.”

“You sure darling? I'll never do it again if I hurt you even a little bit. I can't bear the idea. Be straight with me Sherlock, are you alright?” he sounded so worried and I couldn't have John feeling guilty for no reason. I pulled him close and kissed him deeply for a long time.

“As soon as you are ready you can fuck me exactly that way again. I'd love it.” I kissed him again and ran my hands hungrily all over his delicious body. My body was humming with pleasure still. It was almost more than I could bear but I wanted to try anyway. “I was a drug addict John. I get hooked easily. You're what I'm addicted to and you've just given me the sexual version of heroin.”

He laughed softly with me then and kissed me back. “You little _tramp_. I should have guessed. I don't know if I can manage a second round like that tonight without seriously injuring myself but it's definitely something I'm willing to build up to.” I smiled broadly at him before curling into his chest feeling very satisfied, and much loved. I almost purred like a cat when John began stroking and petting me all over. He held me to him and we just snuggled together, content to let sleep claim us for another night.

We woke up early the next morning. Coffee in hand after a solid breakfast we inspected our flat from top to bottom. We went up to John's old room and I sat on the bed while he went through his few possessions. Apart from books and a bit of memorabilia he didn't own much. His clothes were worn and out of date now, most having been unused for the last three years. “I was at the house nearly this entire time. I sort of remember the first year. I don't think I left the flat even once during that time. I was lost to grief.”

“I'm so sorry John! If there was any way for me to take that suffering from you I would do it. You know I would.” I'd never been so emotional but now I wanted to cry all the time. I realized that I actually had always been very sensitive but had been trained since I was a small child to repress everything like that. Starting my new life with John when we were both worn down to our bones was forcing me to begin afresh with a full packet of feelings I had no control over. Fortunately for me John seemed to think that was a very good thing indeed. He came right over and wiped the tears from my eyes.

“Don't fret my angel. You were doing what you needed to, trying to keep me alive. I'll never be angry with you for that so you never need to ask my forgiveness. You did what you needed to for the man you loved and it’s probably the most romantic gesture since Tristan and Isolde.” I sniffled ungracefully.

“Can I be Tristan? Isolde was much shorter than he was.” and John barked out that delightful laugh of his and kissed me solidly.

“Yes darling, of course you can be Tristan. He was a great knight who had a great heart, just like you. If you think you're getting me into a wimple and shift though, you've got another thing coming.” now we were both laughing and John went back to sorting out his clothes. The keep pile was incredibly small, only a few of his favorite jumpers and a couple of sentimental tee-shirts. The rest went in a donation pile to be given away. “Our new wardrobes will be here at the end of the week. I guess I don't need to keep my tatty old things anymore.”

“I liked your clothes John. Especially your jumpers. I liked the way you looked, all soft and sweet. No one ever expected you to go off on them. You've surprised so many criminals. It's always been a delight.” I smiled up at my sweet lover and he smiled down at me.

“You did? You always made fun of my jumpers. You said they were hideous.” He was still smiling warmly and kissed me as well.

“They _were_ hideous. I made fun only to deflect. Every time you put one on or worse, took one off I wanted to kiss your tummy. It made things rather awkward after a while.” I wasn't kidding. I'd had to leave the room if it seemed like John was about to shed his jumper for any reason.

“I can see how that would have been awkward. I can't imagine how I could have held back from ravishing you if you came over and unexpectedly kissed my stomach.” John's smile warmed me right down to my toes. I helped him gather up the things he wasn't keeping and together we bagged them up. I packed what he was keeping and placed them reverently in what was now our wardrobe. I heartlessly rooted out several of my old items, displacing them cruelly to make room for John's things. “What shall we do with my old room darling? I was thinking we could make it into a lab. Maybe get you one of those bar fridge models to keep your body parts in.”

“That's a marvelous idea John. The bathroom is just down the stairs so there's no issue with water and you won't have to worry that the milk is part of some experiment or wonder why your left-overs taste strange.” that had happened many times in the past and we both laughed. It would be odd not to work on the kitchen table. That's where I'd always worked. I was used to it. I saw tears in John's eyes though and immediately stood to take him in my arms. “Darling? What's wrong?”

“So many times I opened the fridge _after_. So many times I was simply crushed because there was nothing untoward in there. No feet. No fingers. No internal organs of mysterious origin. It was one of those things that made me miss you the most. I broke down nearly every time. I don't know how many times I cried on the kitchen floor clutching a packet of biscuits that I couldn't share with you or how many cups of tea I poured away because I'd made two without thinking.” I embraced my dear doctor and felt horrible all over again.

“Fucking Harry decided I _needed_ her. She started coming over every week to help. She was drunk nearly every time and her idea of helping was to list everything about you she didn't like, as if that would convince me not to care about you. All it did was remind me of how much I loved you and how I'd never get a chance to tell you. It was crippling.” John kissed my neck and led me back to his room. We stood looking at his narrow bed. “I was going to kill myself here. I had my gun out. I'd taken to leaving the bullets at work so I couldn't get to them easily. I guess Mycroft knew that so the day they weren't there anymore he chased Lestrade over here. Greg got to me just as I was putting the barrel in my mouth. Harry had been to visit earlier and wouldn't leave until she'd recited her entire fucking list and told me to die. She was happy to make me weep, told me it was good for me.”

“John! Oh John. My darling! I'm so sorry for making you suffer. I'm so sorry John. I missed you too. I couldn't think right without you near me. Your bitch of a sister! Curse her! To think of all the times we had to go find her passed out in bars or at strange people's homes. How many times did we rescue her? How many times did we pay her bills when we had no extra money just so she wouldn't end up on the streets?” I hugged John tight and kissed the top of his head. “There are so many things I could do her John but I can't. I could but I can't.”

He turned his head up and kissed me softly, “Mycroft brought me to your detox room that same night and I stayed there ever after. I didn't care where I was. I didn't care about anything. I was lost in my mind, reliving everything we'd ever done together. I went over all the times I should have told you I cared, all the near misses we'd had, all the times we nearly died together. You made me feel wonder Sherlock, did you know that? When I watched you work I knew there was divinity in the world because you existed. Your mind is a marvel, a wondrous treasure that no one but I seemed to appreciate. I felt humbled because you tolerated me in your life, that you allowed me to watch you think and learn. I didn't even really mind when you experimented on me or my things because it was me, plain old John Watson that had interested you, or at least my jumpers had.”

“I didn't just tolerate you John. I needed you. I needed you beside me to help me focus, to clear the dross away. You were the only one to ever care what I did or how I did it. You never made fun of it, never put me down or thought I was abnormal. You would just try to help me understand where I went wrong even if it made you angry. Even when we argued you were never deliberately hurtful. You have no idea what your attention did for me. I've struggled with my drug addiction since I was a young teen, did you know? That's why that room was in our family home. The day we met was the very last time I ever even thought of doing drugs because after I met you I didn't need them anymore. I never thought about them. Not once. Even _after_ – I couldn't. I haven't used in over five years, not since before we met, even when I was alone and desperate.” I kissed my darling doctor again and blushed. “I'm resisting the urge to torment Harry somehow. She doesn't deserve our attention but I want to hurt her. I'm sorry.”

John just chuckled. “Cut her off her booze supply. That'll sting.” He might have been joking but I couldn't help but figure out how to do just that. I explained to him a minute later and he burst out laughing.

“Tell you what Sherlock, Harry makes a scene _one time_ on her own and I'll unleash you on her, no limits.” he was sincere and I beamed down at him. I wouldn't even need to hurt her. I could just make her life a constant annoyance a thousand different ways. She deserved to be tormented. She was a loathsome thing.

“Thank you John. I promise to do nothing until you give me the nod.” it was nice to have an enemy, albeit a drunken sot of one. I'd be doing Greg a favor too. He had no love of Harry. I wondered if Mycroft cared at all. We heard shouting and looked out John's bedroom window to the street below. There was a crowd of reporters there and Lestrade.

“Shit! We have to go get him. Follow me down and hide in Mrs. Hudson's doorway. I don't want those vultures catching one glimpse of you!” I stayed behind John as we descended those seventeen steps to unlock the front door and allow Lestrade in. He stomped on someone's foot when they tried to wedge the door open and locked it behind him. Greg followed John up.

“What a bunch of fuckers.” said Greg as he sank into John's chair. I sat on the sofa and waited for John to make us all some tea. When he came back to me we sat side by side and looked at Greg. “It _is_ better back here isn't it? Well good, we were hoping for that. Here, from your brother.”

Greg slid two new mobiles over to us. “Wonderful. I gave my phone to Mycroft when I got back. It was filled with information he needed.” Greg nodded.

“That's why he arranged for these. Our numbers and a handful of others are already programmed in. We need to be able to get a hold of you, especially now before the wedding. I don't imagine you two need them to be in touch with one another like before but why risk things, yeah?” Greg sipped his tea and indicated his head toward the street. “Those bastards are swarming the city, asking everyone who's ever worked with either of you about what's happened in the last three years. Of course nobody knows. You should come down to the Yard. Lots of folks want to say hello and John just might get a chance to let out a little steam.”

 _Greg was wicked. No wonder Mycroft loved him_. John smirked and nodded. “We can do that. I'd like to say hello to everyone. We can go to Bart's too and see Molly. What do you think darling? Feel like getting out into the world?” I nodded. _I had John with me and I could face absolutely anything_. We got up and helped each other into our coats. Hand in hand we descended and let Greg shove the door open without warning. Reporters toppled over and pushed each other out of our way giving us just enough time to duck into our car without being forced to answer a single question. We all giggled as the driver pulled out smoothly and drove us the Yard.

When we got there officers and staff came up to shake our hands. John remembered everyone of course and called most of them by their first name. I hazily recognized the odd face but had never really paid attention. Thank goodness for John whose people skills I could never hope to rival. We made it to Greg's division relatively happily and were greeted by his entire team.

Anderson and Donovan scowled at me, outright hatred in their eyes. They were standing in the middle of the room and stood out amongst the smiles of welcome. John stood relaxed and at ease, not even looking their way. Anderson stalked over almost spitting in fury. “What the fuck! _You sick bastard._ You really are a freak! How the fuck did you...” He went flying. With scarcely a pause John had turned on his foot and plowed the much taller and heavier detective right in the chin. An audible crack was heard and everyone stopped moving except for Donovan who was shrieking for help. Anderson was nearly out cold on the floor, his jaw very clearly broken. John just shook his hand out and ignored the man on the floor.

Lestrade shouted at the downed detective. “Shut the fuck up Donovan. Anderson, I told you not to drink at work. Now you've fallen over and hurt yourself. I should sue you for damages, you could have really hurt someone. You're suspended, one month. You too Donovan. Fucking drunks.” Now Greg was scowling and all the other detectives were nodding and looking furious.

“Watson _hit an officer!_ ” screeched Donovan. She looked around for allies. No one moved. No one spoke. John spared her a bored glance that would have made Mycroft proud, “Arrest him!”

Everyone in the room looked at each other in mock confusion. One man raised his hand tentatively, “We all saw Anderson fall. We can all smell the booze. Just leave before you embarrass yourselves more.” Donovan helped Anderson up. He was wobbly and moaning, clutching his broken jaw. No one helped at all, not even to open the door as they tottered out. Greg looked very satisfied after the door swung shut behind them.

The rest of the detectives flowed over and soon John and I were having our hands shook and our shoulders clapped. “Welcome back Sherlock! Well done man, well done!” I was touched when I received a small round of applause. John beamed around at everyone, his hand firmly in mine. A female officer, (Carol?) came up and made much over John's engagement ring and the congratulations were renewed, this time about our upcoming nuptials.

“It's about time someone made an honest man of him Sherlock! You can't let a soldier like that roam free. He's a threat to romantic relationships all over the planet!” everyone laughed. John's reputation was well known and he hadn't earned the title _Three Continents Watson_ by accident. I swelled with pride and love. He could have anyone but he was mine and I was his and everyone knew now.

John cast an eye around, “So who is coming to see me get hitched?” everyone raised their hands and John laughed. “I expect you all to wear your best. Sherlock's family is snooty enough to make him look like he's from Cheapside. I expect lots of bragging from the lot of you, nothing but the good stuff.” John received lots of approving nods and soon the room was buzzing with stories of our past escapades, things that had earned admiration from everyone except the pair who had left.

“Give us a kiss! Come on lads!” someone called and suddenly the room was filled with catcalls and hoots. I must have blushed crimson again but John just took me in hand and kissed me so hard I almost stopped breathing. I was dazed afterward and everyone was clapping like mad. “John give me your camera. We need pictures.”

Suddenly we were part of a photo shoot. John and I were posed at one end of the room while the detectives took turns with our phones snapping picture after picture of us together, making us kiss more than once until they were satisfied that they're memorialized the moment enough. My cheeks were burning off again but John just looked pleased. Deciding in a second I bent him back and kissed him with everything in me while his arms drooped limply to the floor. We got a whole new round of catcalls and everyone was taking pictures now. When I let John stand finally he was wobbly and blushing as hard as I was.

“Leave off you perverted bastards. This isn't a girly show!” shouted Lestrade at last. Everyone laughed but we were given our phones back and were able to face the smiling crowd with our dignity almost intact. “Right. Okay lads, what do you want as a wedding present? They're clubbing together to get you something.”

I was stunned. I hadn't expected that anyone from the Yard would care to give me a present but all of them looked eager. I was so moved I couldn't speak but John saved me yet again. “No presents mate, we don't need a thing. If you want though, why don't you donate to the homeless shelters here in London, or lend a hand at one of the facilities. Better yet, keep an eye out at our wedding and make sure my sister doesn't get in. That would be the best present of all.”

“Fucking Harry Watson. What a cunt.” muttered someone and everyone nodded grimly. I saw then that all of them knew how John had fared and how his own sister had nearly nagged him to death. “Right mate but we're taking you both out for your bachelor. There's no getting out of it.”

John just nodded but hung onto me tightly, “Alright but Sherlock and I are not to be separated no matter how funny you might think that is. I'm warning you all. Anyone tries a trick like that I will fucking break your jaw too and then I'll let Sherlock have at you.” there was silence then but a lot of nodding.

“You need a vacation mate. You sound stressed.” someone quipped and then everyone was laughing again. John and I smiled at each other and just stood there. I could see everyone was as relieved to see John up and around as they were to see me come back to life.

“I'll be taking John on a honeymoon right after the wedding and we have nothing planned until then. I'll make sure he relaxes. Somehow.” that earned us more jeers and catcalls as well as some surprising advice. John blushed down to his collar and that made everyone laugh all over again. We left with Greg, feeling like we had a lot of friends for once.

“Mycroft's speech about what you'd done abroad really affected the lads.” said Greg as we climbed back into the car for the drive to see Molly. “Most of them had been in your corner already but when they found out you'd been taking out criminals around the world alone you became almost like a super-hero to them. They're all bursting at the seams with pride that they know and work with the Great Sherlock Holmes. They're even fighting over who got insulted the most by you, like that's something to be proud of.”

I had to laugh. No one received more condemnation from me more than Donovan and Anderson but only because they were on nearly every case I was given. John just nodded in approval. “It's about time they recognized him. I saw it that very first time and was always astounded that no one else seemed to. He's amazing, really amazing.”

I loved my doctor so much. He never faltered. He never hesitated. He loved me so much and it was so clear in retrospect that he always had. I was so lucky to have him. We laughed as we went through the pictures now on our phone. I made the one where I was kissing John my desktop. I emailed one of John and I gazing with love at each other to Mrs. Hudson, knowing she'd want to show her sister and eventually Mrs. Turner who would no longer be the only one with married ones.

 


	11. Greg has a message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and John are slowly getting in touch with everything and everyone they left behind but that also means that they need to confront things they'd rather not. Still, Sherlock uses his power to be annoying for good.

We pulled up the St. Bart's and parked. John sat there silently and wouldn't move. Finally he took a deep breath and opened the door. He looked serious and I felt his hand tremble. When we got out we were on the street and I felt him shaking. Ignoring everyone around us I wrapped my arms around him and hid him inside my coat as best I could while he hyperventilated into my shirt. I kept my voice low and soft, “Shh, it's okay John. Shh, it's okay John. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. _I'm here_.”

Greg stood close by and glared at anyone who looked too long or tried to linger. I could feel my shirt getting damp as John sobbed silently against my chest, his arms locked tight around my waist. I stroked his back and his head until he calmed and hung limply in my arms. When he was able I led him gently into the building and into an unused corner. Greg got him a box of tissue so John could blow his nose and dab his eyes dry. “Sorry.” he whispered, sounding ashamed of himself.

I kissed the top of his head. “Don't be silly John. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry. I should have considered this. I'm sorry my darling, so sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you so badly. I'm sorry for being gone so long. I'm sorry for not being able to take you with me when I left. I'm sorry for so many things but you haven't a single thing to be sorry for. Not now. Not ever. You're perfect John. Absolutely perfect.”

I heard Lestrade sniff behind me. “Fuck.” he said and grabbed a tissue from John's box to dab his own eyes. “You big romantic Sherlock. Your brother has nothing on you mate. Shit.” That made John laugh in a watery kind of way. I smiled tenderly at my lover and kissed the top of his head again.

“Come darling, let's go see Molly.” John nodded and hugged me tight one last time before tilting his head up for a reassuring kiss. I felt terrible. _I never should have brought him here. We should have asked Molly to come to us instead of mindlessly parking right near the spot where I had faked my death. I would have kicked myself if I hadn't been holding John up. I was a bastard. I didn't deserve John and I said so_.

“Shut up Sherlock. Don't ever say that. Not ever. No. You gave yourself to me and I'm not giving you back so shut up. I'm sorry I had a moment there but it was going to happen sooner or later. We can't avoid the hospital forever, not with our track record. It's only a matter of time before one or both of us is admitted again. We spent nearly half our time here.” John was standing straight and proud again, his hand firmly in mine. His eyes were red but he was clear and determined once more. He gazed up at me. “You're mine and I'm yours. Don't ever forget it.”

Greg took another tissue. “You fuckers made me cry twice. I can't think of the last time I cried, never mind twice in a row. I'm getting old. Too old to be starting new with a husband and two annoying little brothers. I can't deal with feeling feelings at my age.”

“Caring is not an advantage.” intoned John seriously sounding just like Mycroft and we all burst out laughing. “Fucking Holmes', right Greg?”

Greg nodded and we laughed again. John took my arm in his and escorted me down to the morgue looking proud and happy once more. Molly was thrilled to see us. She had finally dropped her attempts to flirt with me and for the first time ever things were easy and natural between us. “Sherlock! John! What a lovely surprise. Thank you so much for the shopping spree. I've never had so many lovely things!” We looked at Greg who motioned that he would explain later. Molly did look well put together for once. I glanced over her and deduced. Mycroft and Greg had gotten her wedding clothes but had also gotten her a new wardrobe as part of their thanks. I was glad they'd thought of it. There really wasn't enough good things we could do for her.

“How's Mike?” asked John with a wink and Molly blushed prettily. Mike had introduced me to John. I had thanked him for that after a few months of living with John. That he was interested in Molly was something I approved of a great deal.

“He's very well thank you. He'll be escorting me to your wedding in fact. Speaking of, what are my duties?” She tried to cool her blush but it wasn't working so she gave up pressing her fingers to her cheeks and tried to collect herself.

John produced a small box from the pocket of 221 and handed it to her. “Guard these with your life. No one _especially Sherlock_ is allowed to see them before we're married.” Molly took them and tucked them into her bra. I laughed. Well, that was one way to keep me from picking her pocket. I'd cut off my own hand before reaching into her blouse. “There isn't much. You'll help us coordinate back and forth when necessary. It probably won't be because Mycroft is organizing everything. He has nearly everything arranged already. You'll show up and hand us the rings when we take our vows and be our witness along with Mrs. Hudson. We're just waiting for confirmations from our guests. Those just went out and after that we're really at sea with what to expect.”

Greg cut in. “She'll need to meet the family. Sorry Molly. You'll also be holding these.” he handed her his own small box and she tucked it into her bra with the other one while Greg laughed. “I know you didn't realize you were pulling double duty but who else has earned the right to give away the Holmes boys but you?”

Molly's jaw dropped and even I was surprised. _I'd had the hazy idea that Mycroft and I would walk down the aisle alone but apparently not. Our family was old and powerful but not close. We had no male relative that would be willing to do it. Our father had passed away a long time ago and I couldn't imagine Mummy doing it. Oh god. Mummy_.

Greg looked at me as I finally really thought about what he had said to us. I looked horrified and Greg nodded, looking as hopeless as I felt. “Must we?” I asked in a small voice and he nodded again.

“Myc tried to delay it but Mummy's insisted. Tomorrow evening we have to go have dinner with her. Fucking hell what a nightmare.” I tottered over to a chair and sat down weakly. John came over and kissed me with concern.

“Oh John. I'm _so_ sorry. I love you my darling. Don't hate me for this. You know I never wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry darling, I'm sorry!” If there was any way out of this Mycroft would have found it. I still hadn't seen her and I was dreading this meeting. Greg had endured her before and clapped John on the shoulder as he squeezed Molly's hand.

“You'd think we were meeting Satan or something.” said John who looked as bewildered as Molly did. I gripped his hand and held it to my cheek. _Oh John! I wasn't ready for this. She would ruin us_.

Greg scoffed, “You wish it was only Satan. That would have been the preferable choice. Imagine a woman who appears to be an elegant old lady but is actually just a female shaped package of spite and unpleasant observations. Think of Sherlock when he's at his snottiest but amplify that by about a million then cover yourself in paper-cuts and douse yourself with lemon juice.” Greg sank down onto a bench next to me and I put my arm around his shoulder. “I've seen her five times Sherlock. _Five times_ I've had my soul extracted, stomped on, shredded then handed back to me.”

“Oh Greg. I'm so sorry. Yet you still asked Mycroft to marry you? Why?” Greg laughed a bit and looked over to us.

“Why did you agree to marry John when you had to know she'd be involved at some point? I love the fat git and I can't live without him. I'd even go on vacation with Mother Holmes if that's what it took to marry him, that's how much I love him. You'd do it too if it meant you could have John.” Greg sounded hopeless and determined at the same time. It was horrible that he was right.

I looked over at John and sighed raggedly. “I'm so sorry my love. So very sorry. I've avoided Mummy as much as possible since I was old enough to leave home. Oh Molly! Whatever you do don't bring Mike! He won't survive. You shouldn't even have to come. What is Mummy playing at? Try to say nothing. Wear your absolute best and try to think good thoughts. Alcohol helps. Did she even notice I had died?”

Greg nodded and looked grim again. “She was very put out about it. Said you'd shamed the family by taking the coward's way out and killing yourself indecently. She tried to remove you from the family tree afterward but somehow Mycroft managed to convince her it was too late. Even after your reputation was restored she insisted that you had still shamed the family by becoming nothing more than a common detective, a calling unworthy of any true Holmes.”

John was furious. “She said what about my Sherlock?” He drew himself up, rigid and proud. “My Sherlock is amazing. If she's too foolish to understand then that's completely fine. I'll meet her, I'll endure anything she has to throw my way and I'll marry him despite her. Sherlock my love, we'll see her when we have to but I will never force you to confront her on my behalf. I've invaded a country, I can deal with some old harridan.”

I was bursting with pride once again. _My brave soldier! How I admired him._ I folded my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest. He petted my hair, soothing me and Molly sighed. “You both are so sweet together. I'm very happy for you.”

I was worried still. They had no idea, they could not possibly have any idea how devastating tomorrow night would be. “Molly. Call up the most exclusive salon in London. Get an appointment for tomorrow. Here's my card. Use every service they offer, no expense spared. Wear the best dress you own like armor, _armor_ do you understand me? Wait – just give me the name of where you'd like to go and I'll arrange it personally. We have to protect you!” She paled and nodded when Greg urged her to find the number immediately.

I called the exclusive salon Molly named while John and Molly chatted. A woman answered. “Claire's, how may I assist?” The girl's voice was filled with the expensive sort of doubt handed out to customers who might not be eligible to be helped due to their lack of important things like excessive wealth or power.

“This is Sherlock Holmes. I need an appointment for tomorrow afternoon for one Molly Hooper.” I was still talking when I heard a tinkling laugh on the other end. I should have expected this. I should have gotten Mycroft to call.

“ _Sherlock Holmes?_ Please sir, this is not a _joking_ matter. We do not accept appointments from fakers and dead men. Good day.” She hung up and Greg laughed at my expression.

“Don't worry Sherlock. We'll just go over there. Molly? We'll email you the details later okay sweetie?” he gave her a peck on the forehead and I realized that Greg was old enough to be Molly's father. He was so virile and charismatic though his years were seldom apparent despite the heavy gray in his hair. John took my arm again and after kissing Molly goodbye we left.

Our car slid to the front of Claire's thirty minutes later. We went inside and the woman at the counter glanced at us briefly. She took in the coat. She looked at my face. She blanched and almost fell over. “Oh god. That wasn't a prank call!”

I looked down my nose at her and John just chuckled. “No it was not. Tomorrow afternoon you will be receiving Molly Hooper. She will be requiring every service you have available for an incredibly important appointment tomorrow evening. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that the reputation of your entire business depends on how well you do your jobs. We will accept no one but your best staff. You will treat Molly with as much respect as you would the Queen, whom incidentally will also be told about your work.” the woman staggered back but recovered graciously. “Molly has my credit card. Spare no expense.”

With a swirl of my Belstaff John and I departed in a storm of offended sensibilities. We waited until we were back in the car before cracking up and laughing uproariously. “Sherlock that was amazing! I thought she was going to wet herself. Would you really have told the Queen?” John chortled.

“Of course John. Molly is the single most important person to me outside of you. She is responsible for helping me live, for giving me the chance to save you, Mrs. Hudson and Greg. If intimidating some shop girls is what it takes to make Molly feel good then I will happily stomp my way through every salon in London.” Greg clapped me on the shoulder and John kissed me tenderly.

Greg laughed but said, “Good on you mate. Molly deserves the best. That reminds me. I'll get Mycroft to hook Mike Stamford up with a new suit as well. Can't have him making Molly look bad at the wedding, can we! Tell you what, I'll get the lads to throw your bachelor this upcoming weekend to offset the horror of tomorrow night. I can't even imagine what kinds of fresh hells you mother will have in store for us.”

We dropped Greg back at the Yard and went back to Baker Street. There was still a crowd of reporters there but since none of them were one's we'd invited to our wedding we felt no need whatsoever to speak with them. Camera's flashed but with no story pictures weren't going too much for them. We made it back inside relatively unmolested. John just took me by the hand and led me back upstairs.

“Fuck the world Sherlock. It's you and I now. Nothing else matters.” he said before he kissed me. I melted into him and before I knew it we were back in our bedroom, our clothes being stripped away. John's hands were all over me, teasing and caressing. I was already beginning to burn with desire. His mouth matched his hands and I felt like I was being adored from all angles simultaneously. “My beautiful, amazing, remarkable, gorgeous man. I love you so much Sherlock. Never doubt it. Never question it. You are mine and I am yours and that's all that matters.”

He made love to me then. It was slow and delicious. He took me apart one piece at a time until I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. When I came I nearly passed out and returned to reality the same way I always did now, by chanting John's name. He was sated and relaxed afterward and my neck sported a rather garish love bite high up where it would be impossible to hide. By tomorrow it would be purple and blatant. He licked it appreciatively. “There. If your mum thinks you're unlovable she'll have to explain this away.”

We spent the rest of the night relaxing. John dug out my violin and begged me to play for him. My fingers were out of practice and sore but I played for over an hour while John sat in his chair and listened. His eyes were shut and a smile graced his loving mouth as the notes poured out to express my love for him. “That was gorgeous my angel. Just gorgeous.” I led him to bed and we fell asleep tangled together naked much like we had during our first days together.

 


	12. Mummy Dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner at Holmes Manor. Confrontations are imminent as battle lines are drawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mummy Holmes is an enigmatic character who has been revealed many different ways. I've chosen to represent her in a less loving manner.

The next morning I let John sleep in late then woke him by sucking him off for as long as we could bear. He returned the favor but I couldn't last and I ended up coming down his throat only five minutes into it. We showered together and took turns shaving each other carefully. During breakfast I began to tell John about Mummy.

“She's very proud to be a Holmes. She raised Mycroft and myself to the highest Holmes standards. She's simply dreadful. She never allowed us to celebrate anything, not birthdays, not holidays, not achievements. We were urged to be better all the time but she constantly raised the bar. She was disappointed all the time. I've only seen her happy after she's destroyed someone else's joy. I'm convinced Father died just to escape her. She's used her influence heartlessly our whole lives to get ahead. When I became an addict she had nothing to do with me. If Mycroft hadn't decided to defy her and care for me anyway I probably would have died the first time I over-dosed. I just couldn't deal with things. The world was too much for me.”

I was clinging to John as I told him about Mummy. He listened carefully and kissed me often. When we'd eaten lunch and couldn't put it off anymore we began to get dressed. I nervously took one of my new bespoke suits out and put myself together but John just stared at our wardrobe while standing there in his red pants. With a quirk of his mouth he hung his suit back up and pulled out a pair of dark slacks, his sensible shoes, a shirt and one of the new hideous jumpers I'd gotten for him as a joke. It was cable knit and had little woolen knobs all over it. “John?”

“I can't battle this woman on her own ground. I have to use what's familiar to me. I'm not letting this person dictate who I am and who I should be. This is the sort of thing I wore when you fell in love with me. These are the clothes I'm comfortable in. She's going to be throwing her best punches tonight. Count on it.” _My brave soldier! He really was too remarkable. I'd never met anyone willing to face Mummy Holmes head on but there he was, frumpy clothes and all, ready to tell her to give him her best shot_.

“I love you so much John. I can't tell you what to expect tonight except a lot of dirty tricks and manipulation. She's a black widow spider and everything she touches is poisoned.” _I had no defenses against Mummy. She had shaped me right from the beginning. She was responsible for who I was_. John listened calmly and nodded. We crept down the stairs to the front door then shoved it open suddenly, dislodging a wave of reporters. We dashed to our car and laughed for several blocks until the gravity of what we were about to do settled us down.

Mummy lived in a mansion just outside of London. John didn't ask why we had never taken the relatively brief journey to see her before this. Instead he chatted about little things, “How many homes do you own?” John asked. He knew about the house where he'd stayed, my summer cottage, our villa in France and now Mummy's. Mycroft also had inherited a home where he and Greg lived. I shrugged.

“I'm not really sure John. My father was fond of purchasing properties. I think we have a home in every country in the European Union, possibly elsewhere. We can ask Mycroft. Maybe we can spend a year traveling and just looking at all of them, what do you think?” John smiled up at me, his eyes tender and filled with love.

“That's sounds lovely Sherlock. We'll do that.” we sat in silence after that and watched the city change to exclusive properties until we were finally being buzzed through a wrought iron gate. I shivered and felt sick but John just leaned over and kissed me hard until my head was spinning and a foolish smile was plastered across my face. “You're sexy Sherlock. Fucking _beautiful_. If we weren't throwing ourselves into the pit of despair I'd be doing other things with you tonight.”

John made me blush again. Another car was waiting in the driveway and when we stopped Greg, Molly and Mycroft emerged. John barked out a laugh then said, “Hiding eh? Well, unto the breach go we.”

In we went. The mansion was elegant and soulless just like I remembered. The finest artists had their work displayed in every part of the house but nothing could detract from the coldness which could be felt with every step we took inside. A well-aged butler took our coats and Mycroft's umbrella and another one escorted us to Mummy.

She received us in the largest drawing room. A fire was crackling in the fireplace and John asked me in a whisper if that was my mother's door to hell. I almost laughed except that she was there. Where Mycroft was clearly my father's son I was my mother's. I'd gotten my dark looks from her, as well as my slender physique, my grace and most certainly my charm. For a woman of a certain age Mummy Holmes was silvered and elegant as she glided towards us in her floor length gown. She was as resplendently beautiful as a fabled elven queen and about as human. Her hair was swept up in a careful chignon and her eyes were already looking at us with her trademark disappointment.

“So it _is_ the DI. Oh _Mycroft_. Of all the bugger boys you've taken to your bed why did it have to be _this_ one you married? Surely there was someone out there more qualified to be your companion? Or someone younger? After all you've done to prevent our line from continuing did you really have to sift through _commoners_ to find a husband?” Greg said nothing and Mycroft merely leaned forward to press air kisses to Mummy's cheeks.

She cut her eyes at me then pinned John with a faintly disgusted look. “What do I call you exactly?” she spat gently. She couldn't even pretend to not know who John was. Her voice almost gentle, the toxins within her amber tones were well honed and hidden to nearly all. John just smiled at her.

“Doctor John Watson, formerly Captain of the RMAC, 5th Northumberland Fusiliers.” his gaze flickered up and down her. _He spoke clearly and as softly as Mummy but she didn't hear the steel in his words the way I did. He may as well have taken the Sig out and pointed it straight at her head while wearing his sweet smile. Once again I felt protected and very loved_.

“I didn't realize they allowed fags into the army.” she smirked but John remained gentle and his expression was unchanged. In my head I heard the handgun being cocked and could almost see John's finger tighten on the trigger. _Mummy had no idea, did she!_

“Oh, I'm not gay. Never have been.” John smiled again, still mild and inoffensive. John wasn't interested in other men of any description. Mummy was actually taken aback at his apparent denial and inside I cheered.

“You are theoretically marrying my son. For many that would seem to indicate a definite lifestyle choice.” She looked at John more carefully, her sneer barely suppressed. She was trying all her usual tricks and getting nowhere!

“Not necessarily. We could just be doing it for tax purposes. Civil union comes with some lovely savings incentives. We've got a flat together. It's expensive to live in London. He's my best friend and we get on. Also, only a fool would pass up the chance to marry _Sherlock Holmes_. He's entirely brilliant.” was all John said and Mummy practically salivated at the word 'fool' but found no way to work it into her next volley.

“My sources tell me you have lusted for my son's fortune for ages. How many times did you have to fuck him before he said yes?” Mummy's face was a terrible parody of pleasantry but John's expression never changed. If anything he looked gently amused. Mummy's eyes hardened. She knew she had taken the wrong tact with John but there was no retreating.

John sounded as lightly amused as he looked, “Sources? You must have the worst contacts in the world. I didn't know Sherlock even had money until recently. I used to pay all the bills except for the rent and he only paid half. As for my proposal, not that it's any your business mind, but when I proposed Sherlock neither of us was interested in intimacy of that sort. ” Technically that was true. We hadn't thought about sex at all those first few days. John was clever by not lying at all. He gave honest clear answers yet the truth remained shrouded. Mummy couldn't mask her offended expression. “Who'd you hear this tidbit from?” Now she twisted her face into an expression of dark glee.

“Bring my guest in.” she commanded. An attendant left the room and returned a minute later with a well done up but already tipsy Harry Watson. John's laughter pealed across the room, entirely stunning Mummy who was not expecting him to react in any of the ways he'd reacted. _Oh John! How I love you_.

“Her? My drunken cunt of a sister, _she's_ your source? Oh my heavens, was that the best you could do? Here I thought I was meeting an adversary the likes to make Moriarty cry like a baby but my old sister? That's rich. Hey Harry! If you can focus it's me, John. Your brother? Try to kill anyone close to you lately? What about Clara? Finished destroying your wife yet or does she still have a shred of dignity left that you haven't trampled?” _John actually laughed hard again. He was smiling. Grinning even. I swelled with pride and love all over again. My soldier. My magnificent doctor_.

“Shut up you revolting shirt-lifter! Of course you'd take _his_ side. Of _course_ you'd love that sick pervert more than you love your _own_ sister. I'm your _only_ family John and don't you forget it. Who are you going to come crawling to when he gets bored of you again? Who are you going to cry on when he breaks you again you stupid little...” Harry's voice was rough with drink. She was screeching but John just rolled his eyes and ignored her and the hate filled rant that didn't stop until he began to speak.

“Harry, may I remind you that _you_ are married to a woman? That _you_ are gay? _Openly_ gay? May I remind you that you have fucked _every_ woman you could get your vagina on for the last thirty years, even _after_ you were married? Mrs. Holmes here has probably had a bit of you, am I right? You've got _that look_ on your face. You're a drunken tramp with no morals and nothing to talk about. Look, there's a tray of alcohol right there. Why not finish that bout of cirrhosis tonight?” _John was smiling softly but I recognized that look. That was the same look he had on his face when he broke Anderson's jaw, the same look he had on his face when he punched that mugger, the same face he had on when he faced down James Moriarty._ John looked at Mummy who was entirely offended and completely speechless with rage. Harry's mouth was hanging open in shock. _John had been right. Mummy had bedded her_. “So, what's for dinner? I'm starving.”

He took my arm and I led him to the dining room. I leaned in close and whispered, “I love you so much Captain Watson. I'm all fluttery inside.” He gave me a tight smile and a wink.

“I can't believe she brought _Harry_ here. What's the bet she invites her to the wedding despite my request?” _Good point. I'd have to speak with Mycroft and Greg later_. Molly trailed behind us, mercifully ignored by Mummy who was being escorted by Mycroft. Molly was entirely beneath Mummy's notice and with luck she would stay that way. Greg offered Molly his arm and she almost swayed where she stood until he helped her get moving. They clutched each other for a moment then followed us.

“You're doing so well John. No one has ever withstood Mummy this long. No one. I've clearly picked the right man to marry.” John grinned again. _I sounded fatuous but then I was. I was head over heels in love with this amazing man_.

“Oh she's not so bad. Unless she's serving babies I think I can handle this evening well enough.” John's voice was light and pleasant. _With a shiver I realized that he was the single most dangerous person I'd ever met. I'd seen him more flustered taking on the chip and pin machine at Tesco than he was by Mummy's orchestrated attempts. My heart was racing and I wanted to kiss him_.

John glanced up and smiled up at me. “You look beautiful my darling, simply breath-taking. May I?” he pulled my chair out for me and seated me graciously. Harry stomped to a chair and looked at John pointedly, clearly waiting for him to seat her as well but John managed to not see. When Mummy was in view John casually leaned over and kissed me on the mouth tenderly before seating himself next to me. Greg seated Molly first, then Mycroft whom he also kissed but not with the understated ease that John managed. A server came up and helped Harry to be seated and the aged butler from earlier seated Mummy at the head of the table.

The meal was served in dreadful silence. John tucked in with good appetite though, offering me sips of his soup or bites of his meal. He managed to completely ignore Mummy and Harry while still maintaining a cheerful conversation about absolutely nothing with Greg, Mycroft and Molly. John then discussed the weather. I was astounded. He brought up interesting points about the latest weather patterns in London and over England. As the meal progressed we all learned about fog, rain, sunshine, wind factors and everything to do with English weather. He just didn't stop. I had to force myself to remain expressionless. It was glorious. Mummy had enough of it. She slammed her spoon down and John lay his by his plate to look at her politely. “You have entirely ignored your sister throughout this meal. Have you no manners?”

John leaned back into his chair and regarded the Mummy and Harry calmly. Harry looked darkly pleased to have her brother called out in front of others. John set his cutlery down and looked politely at both of them, “What would you like me to say to her Mrs. Holmes? Would you like me to thank her for her tender care when I was grief-stricken from losing your son, _the son_ whom you have yet to say one kind word to? Harry, _dear_ sister, is there something you'd like me to say to you? Do I owe you an explanation for where I've been for the last two years you haven't spoken to me? I see that your interest in visiting me sharply decreased when I had no money to give you. I distinctly recall two occasions where you came by long enough to riffle through my clothes to check my wallet for money I no longer had and credit cards I no longer possessed. On the last visit you couldn't find them so you deliberately left me laying in the dark, out of my head with grief and told me I should do everyone a favor and just die so you could collect the insurance.”

I stared at Harry with outright hatred as I listened to John and _then_ Mummy deigned to notice me. Her first words to me were, “Sherlock it is rude to stare. For heaven's sake cover that unsightly mark on your neck. I didn't raise you to be vulgar or low. If you hadn't wasted your life with drugs and playing _detective_ you could have done so well for yourself. Now look at you. You're useless. No one wants to work with you, you have no job, no career, you live in a flat in a disreputable part of London, and you've decided to marry our family to a lowborn man who couldn't even stay in the army! He doesn't practice medicine anymore, can he even call himself a doctor? I know you had such a crush on that Trevor lad when you were a youngster and that this Watson fellow looks just like him but really Sherlock? Are you that desperate for a bedmate that you'd marry the first person to pay you any mind?”

John's head whipped around and he stared at me, “I seriously look like your first crush? That's so sweet!” John leaned over and kissed me, smiling happily. _He was actually pleased. I hadn't even thought of Victor Trevor since that summer so many years ago. I nodded. John looked a bit like Victor, but only in that they both had blue eyes and blond hair_. John turned back to Mummy and smiled that smile again.

“He is using you to replace someone else Doctor Watson. I would have thought you'd find that interesting. His feelings for you are falsely placed.” She sounded sure of herself.

“That is very interesting Mrs. Holmes, especially coming from a woman who spent her children's formative years emotionally eviscerating them. No wonder Sherlock turned to drugs. Hey Harry, why don't you tell Mrs. Holmes about our awful childhood and how mum used to force us to bake cookies and go ice skating. What a bitch right? Good thing she's dead already, that gives you one less person to blame your drinking on. Oh wait, you _do_ still blame mum and dad don't you. Why was that again? Oh yeah, they caught you going down on mum's best friend and told you she was too old for you. You _like_ the old ladies don't you. You became a whore or don't you charge anymore? Oh that's right. You said you weren't a whore if you didn't accept cash. You did trade your body though, didn't you? To anyone. That kept you in drinks for years until Clara decided to clean you up. As for the army Mrs. Holmes, I don't think you really care why I'm not still serving, since you clearly don't even care what Sherlock has been doing for the last three years. Why should my activities interest you if Sherlock's do not? I won't even guess what you think Mycroft does. Hey Myc – you've officially become my hero. You are one cool person, especially now that I've met your mum.”

Greg was laughing soundlessly as John tore into Mummy. He hadn't raised his voice a jot. He could still have been discussing the weather. Mycroft inclined his head in John's direction in acknowledgement and Greg clapped John on his sore shoulder by accident but John didn't even flinch.

Mummy was outraged. Her eyes flashed darkly and I saw an unpleasant flush in her cheeks even as the rest of her face paled and grew tight looking. “I _refuse_ to allow someone like _you_ to marry into the Holmes family. I will not give my blessing to either of these unions.” hissed Mummy. My heart sank but John's laughter pealed out and broke up the tension of the room.

“ _Give your blessing?_ Why the fuck would I need your blessing? I'm a grown man, independent and free to choose. So is Sherlock. You have no way of stopping me from marrying him.” John just stared Mummy down. She was floundering and made her next mistake. She wasn't prepared for someone like John, my magnificent, amazing, brave and brilliant John.

“I will remove Sherlock from his fortune. See how well you fare after that!” she spat again. Using my inheritance against me was a ploy that had brought me to heel time and time again. My heart sank and John opened his mouth to retort.

Mycroft cleared his throat softly, “No, I'm afraid you won't Mummy.” John's mouth snapped shut. Everyone looked at Mycroft who seemed uncomfortable. He reached out blindly and Greg took his hand and held it tightly.

“What! How dare you attempt to defy me Mycroft? I can ruin you too. I am the head of this family! You owe me _every_ allegiance.” Mummy was outraged and Harry was smirking now. _How infantile. Both took joy in the suffering of people they saw as weaker than them. I might have been weak at one point but John had made me strong. I could feel the anchors on my soul tearing away_.

Mycroft looked sadly at Mummy. He had not wanted to do this and I could see it all over his carefully controlled face. “You are unable to dictate the family fortune Mummy. I have allowed you to offer suggestions previously but to cut to the heart of the matter you need to recall the fact that you are _not_ a Holmes anymore. Papa divorced you before he died but asked me to look after you. I have been generous because you are my mother and I respect our family. You can complain again but you know no signatures were necessary because you signed a _prenuptial_ agreement before you wed. In fact, you were to be removed from this residence and settled in a small house in Spain. I still have all the proofs he'd gathered to justify his actions, as well as many, many more. After the wedding I am removing you from England and beginning the life you should have rightly begun more than fifteen years ago. I'm sorry Mummy but I really have no other options, not if I want to begin my life properly.”

Greg grinned at Mycroft proudly. The grin fell away sharply though when he looked at Harry, “You, Harry. You're a right bitch. You almost killed your brother, did you know that? I'd ask if you care but I know you don't. I was the one who took the gun from his mouth. You take one step near our wedding and I will hand you over to every criminal I know and I will indicate my eagerness to see them express themselves as creatively as possible as they pass you around for a free ride. How does that sound? In case you're too fucking stupid to understand that _was_ a threat.”

Greg now turned to Mummy. “You, you're a right bitch too. When you come to my wedding you will keep your fucking trap shut. Your sons show you more respect that you deserve but _I'm not your son am I?_ No, I'm the man marrying the most powerful person in England and I can fuck you over so many ways it will become a game for criminologists for decades to come to find out how many different ways you've been screwed. I've put up with your shrewish tongue in the past because of how much I love your son. Do you even know them? Sherlock is one of the most famous detectives on the planet. He speaks seventeen languages, has brought down global crime empires single handed and is nice to little old ladies and homeless people. Not so good with hamsters but you can't have everything right? He got offered a spot at Julliard for violin when he was nine, did you even know that? He wasn't interested but they called him a virtuoso. He's done all these things despite your maternal love or lack thereof and you care more about that piece of shit dress you're wearing that you'll throw away tomorrow. _I've_ been more of a parent to him than you have! I'm proud to call him friend and soon, brother. He's managed to land John Watson as a husband and that's no small feat because people on three continents have been trying to do exactly that for over twenty years without success. Keep your ears open at the wedding reception. Maybe you'll learn some things you should have known already. Good evening Mrs. Holmes. Harry, feel free to drink yourself to death. Mrs. Holmes, Harry has never been checked for STDs.”

 


	13. Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After living through dinner with Mummy stress relief is most certainly in order!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am about to take some strenuous liberties with my understanding of military rules of conduct as well as many other things. Pretend I made it all up and go with it.

Both women stood there in open mouthed shock. John stood up and extended his arm to me, helping me out of my seat with loving devotion. We helped Molly up and then Greg and Mycroft followed. We all turned and left without another word. We got our jackets somehow and all piled into a single car, the other following behind us. I turned to John and kissed him passionately. “I can't believe that just happened!”

John kissed me again. “ _I know!_ I've never been to a dinner where you haven't said a rude word. You could have knocked me over with a feather.” Everyone roared with laughter, especially Molly.

“I thought I was going to _die_ and she didn't even glance my way. I've never been so happy to be ignored in my life!” Molly fanned herself dramatically and we all laughed again. Greg was busy kissing Mycroft within an inch of his life. I'd never seen my brother in such an impassioned embrace but luckily for me Greg's broad body hid a good deal of Mycroft. Molly just smiled and texted Mike. “Let's go dancing. We're all done up and I think tonight deserves a bit of celebration.”

I nodded enthusiastically and John gave me another short kiss, “That sounds marvelous Molly. Anywhere you want, just tell the driver.” she gave the man an address to go to and handed my credit card back to me. I sagged back into my seat. “You look divine Molly. I should have said right away. I was so nervous though.”

“That's alright Sherlock. I wouldn't have heard. I've been having a bit of a moment this entire meal. You did very well tonight.” good old Molly. She was one of the few who really understood how socially challenged I was and always complimented me when I figured something out. Now of course she and John completely understood why I was this way.

John beamed over to me. “I feel almost high.” and he giggled. I giggled too and soon we were all laughing hysterically with one another. “Well done Mycroft. Hey Greg, pull your tongue out for a second so Mycroft can talk to us.”

“Fuck off Watson. We don't get lots of chances, alright!” grumbled Greg but he did reluctantly stop kissing Mycroft who was flushed and openly happy looking. I reached past Greg and John to grip my brother's hand tightly. Greg was still admiring his lover, “You did good babe, real good. I know that was a raw deal but I also know you've tried your best for a very long time with that woman.”

Mycroft sighed. “Mummy has always been exceptionally difficult. I took the precaution of removing her from all points of authority some time ago. If she tries anything she will be immediately extracted from her residence and forcibly relocated, even if that means she misses the wedding. I hate to do it but I will if I have to.” I squeezed his fingers sympathetically one more time and he squeezed back. We'd never been openly affectionate with one another.

“Sherlock. Are you alright Brother? Mummy has always been particularly cruel to you.” I felt heart-broken for a minute and it clearly showed. I had loved my mother so much when I was a small child and it had crushed my spirit when I finally understood that she didn't care a jot for me. I was nothing to her except insurance for the Holmes family, the spare. Mycroft had been awarded what few positive comments she had been able to manage but I had garnered nothing but criticism. John petted my hand and kissed me again.

“I love you Sherlock. Things will be better from now on, right? We've put _Mummy Dearest_ in her place and we'll never have to have dinner with her again. If she comes to the wedding she can sit at one of the guest tables, alright?” John was so sincere but Molly couldn't stop giggling and neither could Lestrade.

“Mummy Dearest! Did you ever watch that movie? Oh my.” Molly tittered and tried to control herself but she was awash with nervous energy. The car stopped moving and we realized we were at the club. We opted to leave our Belstaffs along with jackets and John's jumper in the car so tucking our phones into our pockets we went inside. I removed John's tie as well and unbuttoned his shirt a tiny bit. He winked at me and did me the same favor.

It was loud, garish and already crowded with people. The music blared and lights pulsed in tome with the beats. We wove our way through the crowd until we jammed ourselves around a small table and caught the eye of a server. Molly was waving her arm energetically and I saw Mike Stamford making his way from the bar to us. He kissed Molly on the cheek and shook everyone's hand.

“Sherlock, I am so happy to see you back! I was floored when I heard you were alive then I thought, who else would have the cheek to come back from the dead? Apart from Jesus only you mate!” everyone laughed again. Our round of drinks arrived as well as a large selection of shots. Greg was in charge of getting us all drunk since he had the most practical knowledge so we slammed back the tiny confections and chased them with our taller drinks. After a couple of repetitions the music was sounding better and better.

“Dance with me beautiful.” John then dragged me to the floor. We were giddy and silly and we were soon moving all over the place just having fun. John was a surprisingly good dancer. We did goofy steps and laughed a lot. When the music slowed we melded tight. We fit well together on the floor. Some man was making eyes at me, trying to entice me away but John just put his hands on my hips and slotted our legs together. I dropped down a bit and put my hand on the nape of his neck and let him move me around until the man went away. “You're sexy Sherlock. Hot.”

John eyed me up and down and I laughed. “M'not. You're sexy. You're delicious and I want to eat you up.” Some woman had been giving John the eye, shimmying and shaking near us. She totally ignored me but not as hard as John ignored her. His eyes were only for me. The beats picked up and we broke apart to dance all over the floor with one another. Molly and Mike joined us after a bit but nothing surprised me more than seeing the normally staid Mycroft dancing with Lestrade. They were amazing. Greg really knew how to dance and Mycroft seemed like it was very natural for him to be bumping and grinding against the older man.

Soon we were together in a small collective of love struck stares and appreciative glances. Another man tapped on John's shoulder and asked to cut in, “Fuck off mate, he's mine.” said John without looking. I sidled closer and smiled down at my lover proudly.

“I don't think so short stuff. A pretty like that needs a _real_ man not some sawed-off jump-start like you.” said the man rudely, and then he laughed. John spun around angrily but stopped cold.

“Holy shit! _Bill!_ ” a tall and heavily muscled man laughed deeply, bent down and picked John up for a bear hug. He patted John on the head affectionately after he put him down and reached out to shake my hand.

“Bill Murray. I used to serve with the little one here.” Bill was huge, towering over both of us at something like six and a half feet. He was massive too, a virtual wall of a man. “Little bastard kicked my arse all over the place. You can't trust the small ones, no sir.”

I laughed and believed him. John had surprised more than one criminal when they'd decided his size wasn't a threat. “Bill saved my life a couple of times by being unable to slowly move himself out of the line of fire. I've stitched him up nearly as many times as I have you darling.”

“I hear you're getting married John. This your fella? I didn't know you took it up the bum you randy medic! If I'd only known I'd have taken a run at you back in the service.” I could tell from John's expression that Bill was only teasing. I could also tell that Bill wasn't joking about everything. I felt the searing sting of jealousy for a moment but I could also tell that Bill was sentimental and devoted to a young woman somewhere if the tiny ring hanging with his dog tags was any indicator.

“Like you'd ever have a chance getting _me_ in the sack. I don't sleep with empty-headed steroid junkies.” Bill roared with laughter and whacked John on the back. I noted that he carefully avoided John's bad shoulder. My opinion of him rose. He clearly cared for John and knew enough to be considerate.

“Your tiny bum couldn't handle my weaponry anyway you little git. I'd have torn you apart. Now your man, well his arse is just lovely isn't it.” and Bill gave me a completely saucy wink before ogling me blatantly. That made John laugh so hard he nearly choked. I blushed, unaccustomed to being flirted with, even in fun.

“Keep your eyes off my fiancé's ass before I scoop them out and hand them to you. I'm very possessive.” Bill laughed again but stopped even pretending to flirt with me.

“Hey I'm getting married too. Next year, same girl.” Bill was proud and happy.

“Darla wasn't it? Said she'd wait forever didn't she?” John was amazing. He remembered all these little things about people and Bill beamed while he nodded.

“I'm in the service until then. I wanted to get married before but she said she didn't want people to think she was marrying me for the money.” they laughed heartily together. Soldiers didn't get paid much.

“What are you doing in Town?” asked John who was leading us off the floor and back to our marginally quieter table. We ordered another round of shots and drinks.

“On duty here mate, some bigwig is getting married at the end of the month and a bunch of us have to prance around looking dangerous. Orders you know. I don't know who the poof is but I hear he's marrying some complete tosser.” Bill was grinning past my shoulder and I saw Mycroft come into view.

“Murray.” said Mycroft softly and Bill reached over and squeezed my brother hard. Mycroft seemed unperturbed. “You are acquainted with my little brother?”

“No mate. John. We served together back in Afghanistan. Different companies but he didn't care who he stitched up. He was real good that way. Where's your little darling?” Bill made a show of looking around before deciding to notice Lestrade who was chuckling. “Hey man, condolences. I hear you're marrying the Ice Queen.”

Now Greg roared with laughter. “ _The Ice Queen!_ Myc, why haven't you introduced me to your friend before?”

“Yeah Mycroft, introduce me to the little woman.” Now John was laughing hard enough to almost choke. I was fascinated and hadn't said a word. I was too busy observing their interactions.

Mycroft rolled his eyes. “Sargent Bill Murray may I present my fiancé Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade.”

The two burly men shook hands, instantly liking one another. “How'd you meet Mycroft?” asked Greg and Bill spun off in a story about international coups where British civilians had been caught in a cross-fire and needed rescuing. One man had kept the entire group of ambassadors safe until they could be rescued. Greg turned to Mycroft, looking impressed.

“That was _you_ babe?” Mycroft nodded slightly and Bill just shook his head at Mycroft's inability to remark so Bill bragged for him sounding incredibly proud of his friend.

“He beat the crap out of at least half a dozen angry terrorists, disarmed a mountain of bombs, shot two different men in the knee, and helped a woman deliver a baby. Not too bad for someone in civil service. He had a neat suit on the entire time and carried a fucking umbrella. Where is that thing anyway? I thought it was surgically attached to your hand!”

“I left it in the car.” said Mycroft mildly. _I'd given Mycroft that umbrella when he first entered civil service. He brought it with him nearly everywhere if he could manage. Sentiment. Now I recognized it_.

“How'd a _DI_ get involved with the Ice Queen?” said Bill. John giggled again and slung his arm around my waist, still very territorial. I didn't mind and put my arm around John's shoulders _. Let everyone see who I'd managed to catch_.

“Helped get his little brother to become occupied gainfully solving the grittiest crimes in London. The kid's brilliant.” I smiled gently at Lestrade. _He had literally saved me from myself when he'd dragged me out of flop-house and directly into rehab. I was covered in my own vomit and could barely remember my own name. Greg hadn't even known Mycroft back then, didn't even meet him until I'd called Lestrade back to tell him how to find the drug baron responsible for all the sales in that part of the city_.

“John, how do you fit into that world?” Bill looked at me before turning his surprisingly intelligent eyes back to John. I read him quickly _. Military obviously. Still in the service. Said he was retiring soon but would have been a lifer. Shot multiple times, but nothing debilitating. Marksmen. Leader. Favored his right foot. Ankle gun – how old school. Still it impressed me that he was so casual about John and myself when so many others would not have enjoyed finding out that their doctor was gay and not straight as they had thought. Not that John was gay I suppose. It was just me. That thought made me warm inside_.

I answered proudly, “John is also my work partner. He helps me solve crimes and occasionally rescues me from kidnappers.” Bill looked impressed and looked at John who was smiling warmly at me. I gazed back at him totally lost in his beautiful blue eyes.

“That's impressive. Hey wait. You mean all those stories you write online, those are true? Fuck me! I thought you were just good at imagining things. You're real? Sherlock's real? I thought you made him up!” John and I laughed.

“Sherlock's real, he's the real deal, yes those stories are all true but the website doesn't give you even half the story. My life with Sherlock has been pretty incredible right from the first day.” John's look of love warmed me inside and out. “Bill, meet my fiancé, Sherlock Holmes, _Consulting Detective_.”

Bill shook my hand warmly. “ _Sherlock!_ Pleasure mate, pleasure! John here is a real hero you know. He's saved me and so many others we can't even keep count. He's like a lucky charm he is. Everyone fought to have him ship with them. Had the highest return of any medic anywhere. Gritty little bastard never gives in and he's always up for a challenge but I suspect you know that already. He was always the first in line to throw himself out of airplanes or run right into a firefight.”

“John has saved me many times with his bravery, more times than I can remember. He's become my entire life.” I said softly and Bill looked approving.

“Shit John. We need to sit down and visit! Me and some of the boys are meeting tomorrow. Can you and your fella make it? Six at _The Balls_.” John looked at me and I nodded. We had lots of free time now, we could do pretty much whatever we pleased. Mycroft was looking at his watch so I was assuming it was time to go.

“Okay. Six tomorrow at _The Balls_. We'll see you there.” Bill clapped us both on the shoulder roughly. We kissed Molly goodbye. She was staying with Mike to enjoy some more dancing. She lived close by so he would bring her home. We went out and said goodnight to Greg and Mycroft who were obviously very anxious to get some alone time.

 


	14. After the club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After drinks and dancing is there a better way to finish an evening?

As soon as we were in our car John was all over me. “You are so _gorgeous_ Sherlock. I've been wanting you all night long. You're an amazing dancer. Of course you are! You're incredible at everything you do, how'd I get so lucky?”

I gasped and moaned softly as he kissed me hard and bit my bottom lip the way I loved for him to do. “By being perfect John, I already told you. You don't even need to try, you just are.”

We arrived back at Baker Street in no time. We took a deep breath then charged out of the car, key in hand and made it through the door before too many reporters could shout questions at us. John locked the door carefully and then raced me up the stairs, both of us laughing like loons. I was still tipsy from the club and I was still overwhelmed with how John had handled Mummy!

“John, John, John, John!” I couldn't stop myself. I was kissing him all over and trying to get his clothes of at the same time and it wasn't working. He giggled and pulled away, winking at me.

“Give me a tic darling. Let me hang our coats up and then we can get rid of the rest of this.” I nodded and peeled out of my coat in record time. We locked our door firmly, even using the deadbolt for once, and for good measure we locked our bedroom door too.

I was almost panting. I wanted John naked instantly. I kissed him again and unbuttoned his shirt hastily, forgetting my own. He undid my buttons with a soft laugh and tried to slow me down but I shook my head anxiously. “No John, don't tease. I need you darling. I need you.”

John's smile grew crooked and wicked and I smiled back in delight. In a flash we were naked. He was adroit at removing our clothes and gratefully I wound myself around him, touching him in as many ways as I could while I moaned into his mouth. “Someone's pleased with me I see.” I nodded and pushed him back onto the bed. I reached into the drawer and yanked out the lube. Dumping some in my hand I straddled John and reached between his legs to stroke him from being partially erect to being completely hard. As soon as he was I lined him up and pushed myself onto him with no further preparation. The burn was glorious and I groaned deeply.

“Sherlock!” John tried to protest but I was already riding him hard and moaning. I braced my hands on his chest and threw my head back as I lifted and dropped over and over again. I rocked my hips and groaned louder as he hit that sweet spot over and over again. I twisted and shimmied as well and soon John was shouting and thrusting up as hard and fast as he could manage.

“Oh John! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!” I couldn't control what came out of my mouth. All I knew was that I needed him inside me. I needed John to take me. I needed him to possess me. “Hard John.” John took me by the hips and rolled us so I was on my back. I groaned deeply as he began to slam into me. “Yes John! Yes, just like that. Oh yes!”

“That's it my gorgeous man. Fuck, I _love_ the sounds you make. You want it hard Sherlock? You want me to fill you up?” John's voice was dark and sexy. I nodded, desperate for his attentions. I was almost weeping now. I needed this. John did not disappoint. He forced my legs up and as wide as they would go, braced himself on my inner thighs and began to pound into me. “You're so beautiful. Just look at you. So beautiful. So tight. So strong. So fucking brilliant. You make me so proud. You make me so happy. You make me feel so very lucky. I love you Sherlock. You're brilliant. Marvelous. Wonderful. Perfect. Just perfect. So fucking perfect.”

John was driving me wild with his moves as well as his words. He was ramming into me with all his considerable strength, bottoming out with each thrust. I couldn't talk again. I was emitting all sorts of strange cries and gasps. I squeaked. I groaned. I sighed. I gasped. I cooed. Finally I yanked John against my chest and mashed out mouths together and grunted with every thrust until I arched backwards with a high pitched sound as I came so hard my semen shot on my shoulder, and nearly onto my pillow. John shuddered all over and I felt him come inside me, his voice breaking as he cried out in ecstasy.

He rode me gently throughout the waves of our orgasm before he collapsed on top of me, both of us panting raggedly. He shuddered all over again and began kissing my chest softly. I felt his tongue and with a weak smile I realize he was licking the mess he found there. Eventually he removed himself and rolled to my side where I immediately curled up and cuddled to his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and held me tight. “No one can ever take me from you Sherlock. I won't have it.”

“Thank you for tonight John. No one has ever stood up to Mummy before, certainly not for me.” _I was so moved by that. It was the single most wonderful thing anyone had ever done for me. No one ever thought I was worth anything. My accomplishments had always been ignored or reviled. My skills were unappreciated and dismissed. No one had ever loved me for those parts of me, not even Mycroft but he had at least tolerated them. Only Greg and John had thought I was worthwhile and only John ever thought I was always amazing. I loved John so much_.

“Anything for you Sherlock. I know what it's like to be bullied by family. Well, you saw Harry. She was bad enough. I can't even imagine what it was like for you to be bullied by your own mother, especially with you being so sensitive. Your feelings must have been so hurt so many times! No wonder you locked them away. I wouldn't show my feelings to anyone if I'd grown up like that. I feel privileged that you share them with me. I'll never take them for granted.”

“You think I'm sensitive?” I was surprised. No one ever said that and John just looked at me. He'd said so before but I still couldn't fathom why.

“Darling of course you are. No one as brilliant as you could be otherwise. You feel things so deeply your only choice is to shut yourself off or fall apart all the time. The Work would suffer and I know you can't accept that.” John was sincere! He kissed my forehead tenderly, “I can't believe your mum tried to use my sister against me. Harry has been a pain in my ass since I was a kid. I can handle her. Your mum really showed her hand tonight when Harry came out. She deliberately tried to ruin our relationship for no better reason than she thought she could. She didn't care that you were her son and that broke my heart. How can any mother not love a son like you? And you landed a doctor. Most mums would be pissing their pants to hear that.”

I giggled with him when he said that. “Greg was amazing too. You really inspired him tonight. I'm so glad he ripped up Harry as well as Mummy. I wonder what they're doing now. Probably eloping and going to hell for their honeymoon. Papa divorced Mummy because he caught her with one of the female servants more than once. She tried to say it wasn't adultery because they were girls. Then Mummy decided to lash out at Mycroft and me when she discovered we were gay. Mycroft got it worst there though. He was supposed to be married to some blue-blood and have six children by now not getting married to some divorced DI with two children. I wasn't important enough for her to do more than toy with. I can't believe she slept with Harry! I am sorry she mentioned Victor Trevor though, I would have told you about him eventually, I just hadn't thought of it since then.”

John just shrugged easily. “Betty Moran. She was my first crush. I was in short-pants still. You look nothing like her. She had a little button nose and bushy red hair. I thought she was the most adorable girl in the world. I pined for her for two whole weeks until summer break started. Then I forgot all about her because football practice began and I met my next crush. I think her name was Jennifer. I fell in love every few weeks.”

I laughed. “Fickle! You're _fickle_.” John just laughed with me and hugged me to him. John was anything but fickle. If any of his old crushes needed help he would help them. It was how he was, and one of the many reasons I loved him so very much.

“No, I was looking for you and I fell in love with you the second I finally saw you, and I haven't stopped loving you since.” John shifted around until he could look at me seriously. “I love you Sherlock Holmes, not in spite of how difficult you are but because of how complex you are. You aren't run of the mill. You're extraordinary. You are astounding. You thrill me every minute. I can't get enough of you. I'm addicted to you in a way that shouldn't be possible. Anything I can do to make you feel loved I will do. Anything that makes you happy is something I want for you. Anything that brings your joy or comfort is something I will seek for you. I want to care for you, devote myself to you. I want to support you in any way I can so you can be free to be yourself. I want you to be unconstrained and unbound. I don't want anything to hamper who you are. I hate anything that stifles your genius anything that holds you back. I want you to shine as bright as you can for as long as you want. If you want to hide away I will covet you like a treasure and let no eye fall on you and no hand touch you. Name it Sherlock and if I can I will make it happen. I love you. I love you entirely.”

I was stunned. This was everything I could have ever desired, nothing I'd ever thought I'd gain. To be loved, really loved, and completely accepted by someone who wanted to know what I had hidden away inside me was dizzying. I was in the arms of someone who wasn't afraid of my brilliance or threatened by it. John adored it and wanted me to flaunt it so he could proudly watch from the sidelines even if he didn't understand, even if no one ever understood. He'd protect me from the world! All I needed to do was ask.

“John. I don't know how many more ways I can say I love you but I do. I've never felt such happiness, indeed, I did not know there was happiness in the world made especially for me. You are an eternal wonder for me. I feel so many things for you, I can't even explain them. I'm so new to this, so far behind you when it comes to understanding how to feel. I worry about making mistakes, hurting you by accident or worse, hurting you on purpose because you know I can be stupid about things. You've seen me do it. I want you to know that I will always try hard to keep you happy, to keep us together but I will get things horribly wrong. It won't ever be because I don't love you entirely. It will most likely be because I've convinced myself of something totally wrong even though I have the facts but truly, facts aren't feelings and I will err. I'm counting on you to understand when I derail us by accident for it will always be an accident. I'm counting on you to lead me out of dark places where I've gotten lost and lead me back into the light. I trust you John. I trust you with my heart and everything that entails. I am open to you one hundred percent. I'll let you know anything you want, you only need to ask. I will never lie to you, never intentionally hide anything from you but there is quite a bit in there so please don't be upset with me for not mentioning things. I'm not doing it deliberately but I have been studying rather hard since I was a toddler so understandably it would take a lot of time to reveal it all.”

John was kissing me quiet now, tears falling from his eyes as he pushed me back onto the pillows and tried to devour me. “Sherlock, you make me so happy! I'll never betray your trust, your heart is safe with me. Thank you for letting me be the one that gets to enjoy you completely. Thank you for letting me be the one who stays by you until the end.” He kissed me again and I felt my body stirring.

“John. I want to make love.” John nodded and kept kissing me. He caressed me gently and stroked my body into a state of readiness with tender caresses and delicate kisses. There was no part of me he didn't worship with his mouth and no part of him that I did not taste with equal ardor.

We knelt on the bed together until our bodies were straining together, begging to be united. We had a strange argument then, both of us urging the other to take, both wanting to give. Finally John made the winning argument, “I already fucked you. Get in me already.”

I was pushed back onto the pillows so John could straddle my hips to take me inside him. We both groaned loudly as he pushed down. “That's so good John. It feels so good.” I wanted to be eloquent, to tell John in the most poetic ways how I felt but I could barely manage the words I'd found.

John nodded his understanding regardless, his face flushed and sweaty. He pulled me up so I was sitting cross-legged and his legs were spread around my waist and braced on the bed. Together we began to thrust and twist, our chests pressed together as we kissed each other deeply. John had his arms over my shoulders, almost cupping my head as his tongue delved deep. I had my arms wrapped around his waist and ribs, keeping our bodies close while we writhed.

“I've never had a lover like you Sherlock, never been this connected to someone. When we make love it's like I've never made love before. Everything I used to think of as pleasure is so pale in comparison to what you make me feel. I want you to understand that what we have isn't for everyone. What we're feeling right now is nearly impossible to find, even people who have been married for years don't get to feel this like we do. I'm glad I'm your only lover but I'm also glad I have past experience so I can tell you for sure that we are special. You and I make something special, something greater than normal love. I love you Sherlock Holmes. I love you.” I was gasping with John as he spoke his beautiful words. With cleverly timed thrusts and perfect twists of his perfect hips John made me come so hard I fell back onto the pillows. He arched back and groaned deeply, using my hand to stroke his cock as he came. He managed to make himself slump forward so his head was on my chest. We panted together for long time before he pulled himself off me and lay down for a minute.

I wanted to sleep then but John had other ideas, “We really need to shower. Come on darling. Up we get.” I moaned reluctantly but didn't actually fight too hard. It would be more relaxing to sleep clean and not covered in an assortment of dry fluids. John got the shower going and we stood under the hot torrent sleepily and washed each other carefully. After a good rinse we stepped out and dried ourselves off. A pair of pajamas later and we tucked ourselves into bed, tangling ourselves together tightly. I fell asleep smiling, completely happy and content.


	15. The next day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's always a price to how much fun you have.

I ached all over the next morning. “We're hung over darling. It won't last long. Come on, up we get.” My head throbbed but John insisted I take two paracetamol, and drink two tall glasses of water. He made coffee, and a large breakfast of toast, and omelets. I didn't want to eat but he made me have some food anyway. With sips of coffee in between bites I was soon feeling better and sagged onto John's shoulder weakly.

“If we're going to drink tonight I think we need to laze around today. I'm not a young man anymore.” said John who sounded tired. I nodded and we just went back to bed. We cuddled and dozed until lunch time. Our phones buzzed, Mycroft and Greg were coming by.

“I'm not getting dressed.” I sulked on the sofa but John just nodded gently and kissed me. He went to our room and brought back our dressing gowns so I flopped bonelessly down and just lay there. John made tea and helped me sit up against his chest so we could sip from our cups. I was smiling and nuzzling into his neck by the time the call to open our front door rang through. I watched from the landing as John went down the steps to unlock the outer door just long enough for Mycroft and Lestrade to enter. I quickly went back inside and hogged the couch. Let Mycroft and Lestrade sit in the chairs. I wanted John beside me.

“I will see to the reporters John. They'll be gone from your door by the end of the day.” Mycroft was irritated.

“Thanks, tea?” Offered John. Mycroft and Greg did not move quickly. They looked tired and even all of Mycroft's careful grooming didn't hide it.

“Oh my fuck yes. My head is killing me and we didn't even drink that much.” groaned Lestrade. Mycroft looked pale and puffy. I sat up slowly after they sank into their seats. “Why don't you look like fried fucking hell Sherlock? You look like you just came from the spa. That's so unfair.”

John came back smiling with a tray of tea. “He's handsome all the time. He can't help it.” I preened for John to make him laugh and laugh he did. I grinned at him and happily sipped his perfect tea appreciatively.

“D'you want company tonight? I know you're meeting your army mates. I can have the Yarders meet at the pub for your bachelor. I woke up feeling like shit and I don't want that to be our wedding morning. I'm old enough to need a lot of recovery time so two extra weeks sounds about right.” John nodded at Greg and we all chuckled. Mycroft smiled softly at his lover.

“Tonight would work well for me as well John, closer to the wedding becomes troublesome if only because the guests we are expecting will require at least some personal interaction from us. Our time will be precious then.” I just squirmed around until my head was in John's lap and he petted my short hair absently.

“Right then. I'll call _The Balls_ and tell them to get ready for a party tonight.” John dug out his new phone and searched out the number. I ran through the directory in my head and just told him. He dialed without questioning me and that made me happy. The purveyor was very pleased and agreed to stock some of John's favorite beers and some of the drinks I enjoyed, Greg called out a couple of requests too and Mycroft gave a small smile so I understood that it was something he particularly enjoyed. I felt happier knowing that Greg and John so obviously loved and understood my brother and myself. It was so new to me but now I got why Mycroft had never lost interest in Greg. It would be like me losing interest in John and that could never happen.

I stayed snuggled down while all three of them contacted various people to invite them to the party. The Balls was a large establishment and could easily house the number of people coming. I felt nervous now having only recently become aware that not everyone hated me. I wasn't sure what it would be like to be in a huge group of people who wanted to congratulate me or worse, talk to me. I must have curled up or something because John put his phone down and rubbed my back until I relaxed.

“You'll know at least half the people there darling. It will be fine. You'll get to meet some of my old army friends and they can tell you about me back then, won't that be interesting? I'll get to show you off and that will make me happy.” I sat up and kissed John's cheek and nodded.

“I'm sure it will be very diverting John. I've never been to a party like this before.” I hadn't. I'd gone clubbing of course. It was the fastest way to find drugs so I'd learned and adapted. I'd been to the formal soirées that Mummy or Mycroft had arranged and learned something of social interactions in order to not shame the family, which I'd apparently done anyway. Mrs. Hudson threw her annual Christmas parties that we always went to but that had been mostly Mrs. Turner, John and sometimes Molly, and a handful of others.

“Well casual clothes tonight, no bespoke suits for a bachelor party! We'll have to go shopping for jeans or something.” I cringed. Denim? On me? I couldn't fathom it but for John I would do it. I wouldn't embarrass him in front of his military friends. After all when I was on the run I had worn all kinds of things. Not denim. I couldn't bring myself to wear something so American. I suppose though that since such a large portion of the world wore denim slacks and that the material had been invented in France I couldn't despise it too much. I smiled shakily and nodded again but he laughed. “Darling it won't be so bad. I dress up for you, you dress down for me and the rest of the time we can slouch about in our pajamas and robes, yeah?”

“I'm getting you two teeshirts to wear over your clothes so be prepared for humiliation.” said Greg without batting an eye. “This is a proper bachelor party even if we don't plan to leave you handcuffed to a light post in downtown so buck up laddies. Come on babe, time to go spend some of the government's money.”

He hauled himself out of his chair unceremoniously but helped Mycroft up solicitously. Mycroft looked very uncomfortable but Greg handled him with kid gloves. They left after a short goodbye and John looked down at me. “Come on darling. Let's get some food in and then we'll go shopping. I wonder what kind of horrible shirt he's going to make us wear. We're going to have to find something bloody horrid to make them wear, that's what we're going to do.”

Oh! We could do things to Greg and Mycroft? “We can? What else?” John made us a huge lunch and explained the activities he'd been part of in the past. It all seemed very vulgar and offensive but he explained that most men found it the easier way to express their affections for their friends. “They're not women. They can't come up to a bloke and give him a squeal and a hug to show how excited they are. No, they get you drunk enough to vomit up your own shoelaces, dress you in women's lingerie and force you to pole dance for money.”

“I'm very flexible John and a very good dancer. If that happens you can expect to earn quite a bit with me.” I realized after I'd said it that I should have been intimidated about being made to pole dance in front of the Yarders and John's military associates but I wasn't. John just sat back and eyed me up and down again.

“If you do good I'll get a pole installed in the bedroom and you can dance for me every night.” he said with a smile and we both giggled. The Balls didn't have a pole. Lunch was delicious and so satisfying now that we were at our own table using our own dishes in our own flat. I had an idea and gasped.

“John. We can buy 221 for Mrs. Hudson. She won't have to be just the landlady. She can be the owner! We can more than afford it. We could buy this whole block if we wanted. She won't ever have to worry about finding renters ever again, won't have to fuss about 221C being moldy or the fact that your bedroom is supposed to be another apartment and not a closet.” John was very behind this concept so I texted Mycroft who congratulated me on the idea and set about getting the legal paperwork in motion. It took time to arrange property sales in London but I hoped it would all be ready by the time the wedding came to pass in two weeks.

We washed up and left shortly after that. John sighed with relief when we peered through the door and found not one reporter waiting for us. Climbing into the car he gave the driver instructions to take us to a shopping mall. “Really John? A mall? We're not teens.” I protested.

“That's the sort of place regular people shop when they're looking for regular things. We don't all shop at Saville Row.” What was wrong with Saville Row? Their tailors were decent and their selections were always au current. “Let me explain again my love. Tonight we're going to get booze poured on us, food thrown at us, be rubbed up by all kinds of very drunken people and generally end up smelling like we spent the night rolling in the alley. After we make it home I want to be able to bundle up those clothes and chuck them away without being worried that I'm tossing ten thousand pounds away.”

Ah. Well that made sense. Anyway I'd always been curious about the Mall. I'd walked through some but had never found a reason to shop. It was very glittery and filled with teenagers. We went to one of the shops. After browsing for a minute we were approached by a spotty associate who was wearing a shirt two sizes too small. She smiled invitingly at me and bit her lip as she offered to help. John frowned instantly so I slipped my arm around him and kissed him tenderly before asking for jeans. Her smiled fell away and she jerked a thumb towards a rack of them and went back to the counter.

“Thanks darling. I'm sorry I'm so possessive. I can't seem to help it.” John actually felt bad? I was the one clinging to him!

“John I love it. I love you. If you want to be possessive with me I can't imagine why I would ever object. I don't want anyone's attention but yours and if you feel it's necessary to step in then you probably should. You know very well I have no idea most times of what's appropriate so before someone has their tongue down my throat it would be best if you just stopped them.” Just the thought of it made me gag a bit and John scowled for a second.

“No one gets to touch you romantically ever except for me. I'm not even sure I'm going to let you dance with anyone, except maybe Mrs. Hudson and even then I'm going to be close by.” he looked torn and stepped close to give me a hug and a tender kiss. “I'm not exactly jealous Sherlock because I know you love me, I know it. You are incredibly beautiful though and it would be foolish of me to expect everyone to know to stay away from you. We've only been back a short while and you've been eyed by nearly everyone. I know you haven't noticed because that's not the kind of thing you register but I've noticed and it's hard for me to not respond rather violently.”

“Well the same goes for you John Watson. Everywhere we go women trail after you. Its very disconcerting because I know you're not gay and that you've spent your entire life sampling the broad spectrum of woman-kind but somehow you've settled for me.” John laughed as he thumbed his way through the jeans.

“Settled for you? I didn't settle for you. I won the lottery. I beat the odds. I performed a major miracle by winning your heart. There are seven billion people on this planet but Sherlock Holmes only loves me. I'll never stop being proud of that.” he pulled out two or three pairs and made me go try them on. The change rooms only had curtains so we chose the stall at the end and I tried all three pair until we decided on one that John said made my bottom look delectable. They felt strangely comfortable. He quickly found a matching pair in his size and we had the teller ring them up.

We went to another shop and purchased trainers in black. “You don't want your patent leathers to get beer soaked do you?” I loved my shoes. Trainers would be fine for the night.

Another shop garnered us simple button down shirts in silk. “My skin is tender John. That's why I always have the best fabrics. I chafe easily.” John just looked at me with that crooked grin and I realized he was recollecting all the times he'd spent enjoying the delicacy of my skin and I blushed.

We went to a novelty shop and bought two new leather belts with gigantic superhero buckles on them. “You're Batman and I'm Robin, clearly.” I had no idea what he was talking about so I just paid for them and we left.

“John look! A custom teeshirt shop!” Exactly what we needed. We spent a long time rifling through their designs until we settled for two incredibly garish pink shirts which we had pressed with our designs of choice. Please with ourselves we decided to have tea at Angelo's before we went home to get ready for the night. “We need to eat John, especially if we're going to be drinking all night long.”

Angelo was thrilled to see us again. When he heard of our plans for the night he took our menus away. “I have just the thing. Simple, delicious and you won't be hungry for hours.” he came back with a basket of fresh bread followed by a mountain of spaghetti with meatballs and loads of sauce. “Eat as much as you can. It will make things easier.”

We dug in and it was delicious. We couldn't eat it all though so he happily packed up the remains. He laughed heartily when John tried to pay. “I don't accept money from you! You eat here for free, always. My business has gone through the roof since you returned. Full house day and night.” I looked around and realized his restaurant was packed. “Your table is always your table. It waits for you no matter how long. I never seat anyone else here.”

John was touched and tried to invite Angelo to join us but he refused. “No, the alcohol is why I met Sherlock to begin with. I worked hard to keep away. I wish you joy but tonight I will tend to my customers instead of falling back into my bad old ways.” He hugged us both and sent us off.

We got back to the flat just in time to race through the shower and dress in our new clothes. I felt odd, especially when John suggested we leave our Belstaffs behind too. “I don't want those drunken bastards to be gluing things to it or carving bits of it off. Instead John dug out one of his old coats and found a suit jacket I didn't hate in the back of my closet and we wore those.

I looked him over after he checked us out. “John. You're missing one thing.” He looked confused but I just leaned over and held him to me while I placed a long sucking kiss high on his neck. When I finally released him he had a lovely red bruise blatantly displayed in the exact same location mine was. He flushed but looked happy. “Perfect.”

“Good job my love. Shall we?” John proudly took my arm and escorted me out. By the time our car arrived at the pub it was clear that it was already packed and it wasn't quite six yet. I was nervous and jittery but John just took my hand firmly in his and marched us inside.


	16. Bachelor Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bachelor party where John gets to show his beloved off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! I made all of this up. I'm not a warrior, I have a keyboard and access to a lot of coffee. Enjoy.

_It was Bedlam_. There were people everywhere. The pub was packed and when we stood at the door a roar of welcome greeted us. I looked around feeling the desperate urge to just run away. John began threading us through the wall of bodies, enduring pats on the back and his head as we moved through the countless people that seemed to know and care about him. We made it to the bar where a contingent of soldiers were leaning casually.

When John appeared all of them stood up and snapped off neat salutes as a single unit. John nodded once and all of them instantly relaxed back against the bar, grinning and drinking. Bill showed up a few seconds later with a handful of pints. He made John and I take one each then brought me closer. “Gentlemen, all of your remember Watson of course. He's saved every last one of you. This is his Sherlock, they're to be married at the end of the month. Guess what? _Sherlock is the Ice Queen's baby brother!_ ” I was cheered with hoots and hurrahs and John was mobbed by them. I was only barely able to keep my hand in his as he was hugged and back slapped by all of them.

“Right men. Goal for tonight. Get these two pissed and make sure they're never apart. In fact.” Bill reached into a back pocket and came up with a length of soft pink rope. He took John and I's interlaced hand and wound the rope around our wrists firmly. “There. Now there's no chance.”

“John, you greedy lying devil! Why'd you go have all those hot women if you were going to marry a bloke? You left us high and dry mate, high and dry!” John laughed easily and shrugged it off.

“Look at him, which one of those women do you think were more exciting than him? He's an eyeful too!” Suddenly I was being openly inspected by a large number of very big and dangerous men. I met all their gazes steadily and received a pack of wolfish smirks. I smiled dangerously back at them and those smirks became interested.

“Aye lad. We see what you mean. He's a pretty one right enough but can he cook?” someone shouted.

“Not a bit. Not one scrap. Not even tea. That's not why I'm marrying him though.” John looked at me with love and I melted against him. His eyes were filled with pride and devotion and I wanted to drown in him.

Bill shouted over the racket, “Blokes, remember our website with all the detective stories? Read them all the time don't we. Shorty here wrote those, d'you realize that?” When everyone shook their heads John rolled his eyes. “Not only did John write those stories he was in them. _His_ Sherlock _is the same Sherlock in the stories_. Those stories are _real_. They _really_ did those things. _They're fucking brilliant!_ ”

“ _BRILLIANT_!” roared the room and soon everyone was shouting out questions about past cases and begging me to deduce them. Apparently reading John's blog had been a favorite way for the soldiers to experience home and each story was read out to the companies as soon as it was published. Of course there had been nothing new for years but going back and introducing the stories to new recruits was also apparently the norm. I was astounded but John shut them all up.

“Right. If you want Sherlock to deduce you there's going to be rules. _Rule One: No punching him_. He tells you what he tells you no matter what and you can't get mad at him for revealing things. _Rule Two: No kissing_. No one lays a finger or lip on him because it's pretty fucking sexy when he does this. _Rule Three: Anyone who gets deduced has to brag to Sherlock's mother at the wedding_. She's horrible and doesn't like her son doing this so help a fella out, alright?”

“Hey Sherlock. Your mum sounds like my mum. Are you my brother?” I had no idea who was calling out to me. No one had given me their name and questions and jokes had been flying around non-stop. There was also a lot of jostling going on and I realized that they were fighting to line up to be deduced! They wanted me to deduce them so much they were fighting for places! I was astounded once again. I'd never been so easily accepted by people but because of John I was surrounded by fans! Huge ones.

John roared an order for attention and the pub fell silent. “No one says a thing. Don't introduce yourself, don't give him any kind of a hint.” he turned to me and kissed me gently. “Go ahead darling, whenever you like.”

I leaned down and kissed John again and looked at him questioningly. I didn't want to offend his friends but John just gave me a reassuring smile and urged me to begin. Without looking I pointed to a burly man who was close at hand. His face lit up. “You're from the north. Joined the military at only seventeen. You lied on your application. You've got debts due to your girlfriend's Internet spending habits but are getting her help through an addictions program. You had curry for lunch yesterday at The Market and plan to meet with your other girlfriend tonight.”

The silence was deafening. The man gaped at us. “Holy fuck. He's right.” and everyone laughed. Now the line was even longer as more soldiers queued up to be deduced. They didn't care how I exposed them. In fact, the more personal I got the louder the cheers were. I revealed addictions and affairs, debts and medical problems. One woman had her alcohol taken away when I told her she was pregnant. She was stunned then thrilled. Apparently she'd been told she'd never be able to conceive, a blatant untruth because she was two months gone.

After a while I saw that Greg and Mycroft had arrived and had been sitting behind us while I worked the crowd. John finally waved the last of the soldiers off and Greg handed us a gift bag. “Put them on.” he ordered. Bill undid our wrist so John and I could pull our new shirts on. Everyone roared with laughter again. My shirt said “I'm with Stupid” and had an arrow that pointed to John. _How trite_. Greg snorted a laugh. John's shirt said “I love cock” and had a giant penis in the background. Greg was almost rolling on the floor laughing now. Our wrists were retied and we were given fresh drinks.

John handed Greg a gift bag and now we laughed when we saw the smiles drop from their faces. When they pulled out the eye-bleeding pink shirts Mycroft looked like he was going to be ill. Greg pulled his on without a word but Mycroft had to visibly steel himself to get into his. Greg's just said “Under New Management” but featured a cartoon of a man bent over and presenting his behind. Mycroft's said “Bride to be” and had tiny veils stapled all over it and everything was doused in glitter. It all clashed horribly with his ginger complexion. When everyone saw a tremendous round of “God Save The Queen” thundered out and Mycroft did indeed blush.

The party got started then. We were dragged all over the place, introduced to dozens of drunken people by other drunken people. We were given shots to drink. Jokes were made and laughed at. It got hazy very fast. I wasn't used to alcohol and I felt tipsy in no time. It was hot. Bodies pressed us from all sides and I gripped John's hand tight. He was laughing at someone whose garbled story was revealing some very embarrassing procedures performed on them by John.

“John! How'd you get engaged to someone who's not a soldier! How's he going to handle your itty bitty temper tantrums?” asked a large man. They were all large and had long since blended together for me. He looked at me skeptically and John just laughed easily.

“Mate, if you think Sherlock Holmes is some kind of pushover you are _sadly_ mistaken. He could fucking kill you right now and he's wasted.” that comment got a lot of disbelieving looks. I could forgive them for being skeptical. I didn't look very dangerous right now sitting there in my tee-shirt and swaying back and forth gently like a willow in the wind. We'd been drinking shots and someone had talked us into attempting to swill our beer. _Messy_. We were covered in it now and I was sticky. My hair was just long enough to look knobby and strange too. We'd flattened it as much as we could earlier but I'd seen myself in the bar mirror and knew I looked mildly electrocuted.

“We need a demo John. Come on mate! Show the little lady off.” I shook my head. I didn't want to hurt someone. It was our party! I was drunk and not at my best. John tried to change their minds but once the idea caught on there was another line of volunteers who wanted to take me on.

“No I can't. I don't play half-way. I'll break someone.” I slurred and got a round of laughs. “No weapons then! I can't kill anybody. There are _cops_ ev…very..very…where.” The soldiers laughed appreciatively. John just kissed me. Bill staggered over and undid the tie at my wrist. I was pulled to my feet by strange hands who began to pull me back and I panicked for a second when I realized I was leaving John behind.

“ _STOP_!” John roared and everyone stopped moving. “Come here darling. Just a demo. If you break someone it's their own fault okay. I'll be right here in the front row. You'll be able to see me the whole time, alright love? It's okay. It's all okay. We don't have to do this if you don't feel like it.” I focused on John and realized I was chanting his name silently. _He was giving me an out_. I blinked slowly and took a step backwards and away from John. He smiled at me and I felt warm and safe. _I could do this. I didn't have to kill anyone. I just wasn't certain I wouldn't injure someone too badly_. I took another step back and winked at him. He grinned.

More than one soldier suffered from PTSD and understood instantly why John needed to reassure me. Most of them had heard an abridged version of my activities from the last three years and suddenly the volunteer line was much shorter. _That was actually sort of flattering. Apparently there was something about the expression on my face_. Also I was swaying still and muttering, “Try not to kill. Try not to kill. Try not to kill. Too messy.” and that made the line shorter.

John stood up and glared around. “Alright you fucks. You asked for it. Same rules. No one gets to hit him afterward because you fucking asked for this. No one gets to kiss him because it's still going to be sexy. What was rule three?”

“ _BRAG TO HIS MUM!_ ” everyone shouted and the line got long again. I darted back and kissed John hard. Then stepped I away from him, moving backward and not breaking eye contact until I was several paces away. A large circle of space was made and a man was pushed in by the crowd. He was nearly as tall and broad as Bill. Without warning he swung a punch at me but I wasn't there. I flipped up and back, landing on my feet like a cat. I was poised and steady, my eyes not wavering from his for an instant. He lunged again and my whole body snapped forward. He was on the ground gasping for air and groaning while he clutched his chest. “I could have broken three of your ribs cleanly there. The second hit which I pulled would have driven one of your own ribs through your heart, killing you instantly.” The soldier shook his head as he struggled to breath and had to be dragged away. The crowd shouted their approval. _Soldiers_.

Another man stepped up. He was scarred and dangerous looking. I didn't bat an eye. He had a bottle in his hand and swung it. Did that move ever work? I spun away and lashed out with my hand. The bottle nearly hit the floor but I dove forward and caught it before rolling to my feet and presenting it to John with another wink. I didn't want to step around broken glass. The soldier has holding his wrist. I hope I hadn't broken it but then John said I might. He'd warned them and everything. Just try not to kill. “Jesus _fuck_ is he fast!” someone said with wonder and the man pushed back into the crowd. I was completely focused. Not even the buzz of alcohol troubled me. I had fought my way out of situations where I'd been drugged almost senseless. I could handle a bar filled with beer soaked thugs.

This time two men entered the ring. I bounced on my toes then settled into perfect stillness. They split apart and came at me from different angles, one high and one low. I had to be quick but it wasn't the first time I'd faced more than one foe at a time. Many times I'd battled entire groups. That was how it happened and I was still here. _Try not to kill. Try not to kill_. I twisted away and tumbled adroitly. I snagged one arm and one ankle, bringing both bodies together with a solid crack. They collapsed on the floor unmoving yet conscious. The silence was deafening once again. I stood there and swayed gently.

John stepped forward and spoke quietly, “This man brought down the worst criminals to ever walk the skin of this earth all on his own, no help from anyone. He's leapt from tall buildings and survived. He's unraveled problems that have stymied the greatest minds. He plays the violin so sweetly the angels weep to hear him. He's laid waste to savage killers and walked away with the scars to prove it. I've stitched him together from head to toe a thousand times and he's never complained of the pain. His enemies have tortured him and all have died as consequence. That he thinks I'm worthy to marry him is something I will never take lightly. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Sherlock Holmes.”

“ _SHERLOCK HOLMES!_ ” roared the crowd but John and I were kissing then and not paying attention. The Yarders were mingling with the soldiers and all of them were obviously telling stories of past crimes and how I'd solved them with John's help. I felt dizzy and tired and let John hold me close so I could rest my head on his and just breathe him in. I had just fought in a room full of soldiers but all I wanted was to cuddle my doctor.

We were surrounded by new fans now. Many of them were telling me of John's many acts of bravery and selflessness. I memorized every word. All of them were proud to lift shirts or roll up sleeves to show the scars he'd helped close and tell stories of near death experiences that he'd halted. I recognized his work and knew even if they'd never told me I would have recognized those stitches anywhere. Finally though I was getting anxious _. It was too much!_ I couldn't bear anymore and John understood without saying a word. He stood up and fixed everyone with a firm gaze, “Sherlock and I will be getting married in two weeks as you well know. His entire family will be there looking down their noses at us. So far Mycroft is the only one I don't want to punch in the face and even that took years for me to decide. So you know what I want. I want you to rub Sherlock in their faces. I want my husband to be the envy of everyone there. It's our big day. Can I count on you?”

The cheer of approval rocked the room. We were pushed away until we made it to the door. I had barely seen Greg or Mycroft all night but as we left I saw them near the bar surrounded by yet more soldiers, all of whom looked riveted as Greg spoke. I wondered who he was bragging about, me or Mycroft. John was so much steadier than I and he helped me into our car. “We'll send it back for the others.” promised John when we saw Mycroft's umbrella and Greg's jacket still on the seat.

John held me all the way home. I was so drunk and I felt tired from the demonstration. My head was woozy and I just wanted to keep my eyes shut. I breathed John in and kept as still as I could. “I liked your speech about me. It was a bit of a lie though.”

John giggled, “Yeah. You complained endlessly whenever I stitched you up. You were like a two year old.” We both giggled and he kissed my head and held me tight. The car finally stopped moving and I was so grateful. John was humming lightly and helped me wobble out of the car. We were laughing softly. It took both of us to man the lock and we had made it up two steps before we realized we hadn't locked the door behind us or even closed it. We laughed harder and took care of that.

It took an unseemly amount of time to coordinate myself enough to manage the stairs. John was no help. He crawled up slowly, still humming and giggling occasionally. Thankfully we managed to get to the landing without falling back downstairs again because I didn't have it in me to make all seventeen steps a second time. I was leaning on the door while John somehow unlocked it and we fell into 221B bonelessly.

I looked at John as we lay on the floor face to face. We giggled and dragged ourselves all the way in. I kicked the door shut behind us and John used his foot to kick the deadbolt into play. We lay there and giggled some more. “This floor is so cozy. I had no idea.” said John. I nodded. _He was so right. I'd never been so comfortable_.

We lay there and watched the room sway and undulate. _There was something important I needed to tell John. I'd been meaning to tell him for a bit but the time never seemed right. I turned my face back to him. He would understand. He always did_. “I need to pee.” I told John solemnly. He nodded seriously and we managed to sit up. “Now I need to pee more.” I reported. John looked even more serious.

“Right. We'd better get moving then.” he helped me up almost gracefully. Arm in arm we coordinated our staggers until we made it to the washroom. It took both of us to manage the jeans and I ended up sitting down to relieve myself. Standing seemed silly and this was so comfortable. It seemed to take a long time and John was leaning hard against the door, his eyes beginning to close.

“John. I don't want to stay here all night.” I could probably sleep here but it was very far from John. His eyes opened and he used the counter to get to me. Helping me finish up we flushed then he used the toilet as well. We then spent a very long time washing our hands. Eventually we decided they must be clean and dried off because we couldn't open the door with wet hands though we tried. How did the doorknob become so complicated?

Our bedroom was so far away. I contemplated just sleeping in the tub but John took me by the arm and dragged me all the way across the hallway and into our room. _Finally!_ We pawed off each other's clothes except I made John put his “I love cock” tee-shirt back on to sleep in. It went well with his red pants. I threw my tee-shirt in the bin. John wasn't stupid. I decided I hated that tee-shirt and stuffed it to the bottom of the bin and stuffed all our other clothes on top of it for good measure, almost falling over while doing so. I couldn't figure out how to work my pajamas so I stripped myself bare instead and crawled into bed with John.

“I love you Sherlock. Lots. Like super lots. I'd do you but I'm drunk.” stated John. _I was so moved. He was such a darling and always said the most charming things_. I tried to say something but I was too moved. The room was all swimmy too. Instead I tried to kiss him but it didn't really work out but on the other hand his heartbeat was very soothing and his chest was so warm.

 


	17. Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playing through the pain but doing it together.

I woke up in hell. My eyes were burning in their sockets and something was trying to escape from my mouth. I eventually realized it was my tongue. Breathing was awful. We reeked of stale alcohol. My chest hurt because my stomach was protesting everything I'd done to it the night before and had shanghaied all my other organs into joining its cause. Each strand of hair on my head was boring out of my brain. I could feel them sliding out as they grew. I knew they were doing it on purpose. I vowed to shave my head bald in protest. Bastard follicles!

I heard John groaning beneath me and was devastated. My poor soldier! He must be suffering like I was. “Sherlock. Stop breathing so loud. You're killing me.” he whispered and each syllable was a knife in my ear. I reached up without thinking and covered his mouth to shut him up and groaned as pain shot through every part of me.

“M'sorry John. I hate my skin. It's trying to strangle me.” I moaned. It was. I was too tight all over. It had to be my skin's fault. I was probably crushing John too so I began to slide off of him in tiny increments. It was all for naught though when John suddenly shoved me to the side and climbed over me at the speed of light. He charged off and I was treated to the sounds of him getting violently ill in the bathroom. I covered my head with his pillow and tried to block out the sounds and images by reciting the moons in our solar system in alphabetical order.

I heard the toilet flush eventually and then the shower being turned on. I tottered out of bed and using the bedroom furniture and eventually the door frame I managed to get out of the bedroom so I could painfully lurch to the bathroom. John was in the shower. I got in with him and turned the hot water on as much as it would go until we were steaming gently. It didn't hurt too much to embrace John and I did so tentatively until we'd managed to lean up against each other to throb painfully under the spray.

I realized something. “John, there's no one in the world I'd rather be suffering with. I'm actually sort of happy right now.” John laughed weakly in my arms and he kissed my chest but kept his eyes shut and his face buried in my neck.

“Same here Sherlock. I'm glad it's you I'm hungover with even though I wish I could just wash down the drain.” I laughed softly too but my head hurt too much to keep it up for more than a moment. We stayed until the water cycle was used up and began to get cool. I shut it off and we toweled each other off gently. John dug out the paracetamol and we drank water straight from the tap. I hugged him for a minute longer while he was still warm and naked.

When we felt able we made it back to the bedroom but only long enough to put on pajamas and our robes. I made John put on warm socks too. I noticed his feet got cold easily and I didn't want him to suffer more than necessary if it could be avoided. When I explained he made me put on warm socks too even though it made my head throb more than ever when I bent over to pull them on.

We eased ourselves downstairs slowly. John heated water in a pot. “I can't listen to the kettle. I would die.” I would have nodded my agreement but my head might have fallen off so I just squeezed his hips a bit. I was leaning on his back like I had done our first days of our reunion. I supposed it would be a comfort gesture for us forever now.

Once we had tea the day went by much easier. John made a huge pot of water and we just drank cup after healing cup until we felt human again. The pain faded away slightly and the light didn't seem to be our enemy anymore. “John. I need soup. Wonton soup.”

John got his phone and called for delivery. He called them back and had another order delivered to Greg and Mycroft too. _He was so caring and thoughtful_. He made more tea while we waited. I lay gently down on the sofa and stretched out. John sat in his chair but I whined until he came lay beside me. “This is better.” he agreed when our body heat made us both relax even more.

The soup arrived and I bravely went down to go get it. John's tea had fortified me and I could damn well get downstairs and bring up soup. I hated myself half way back up. My head was throbbing again but I needed to get John his soup. I loved him so much. It was all worth it when we huddled together at the kitchen table and sipped the fragrant broth in our gigantic portions. I even managed to eat one or two of the wontons. John finished every bite somehow but then he'd made lots of room earlier. I pushed over the remains of my soup. John regarded it for a moment then ate it up too.

His phone buzzed. A text from Lestrade. “I love you Soup Man.” Ah. Their order had arrived. Splendid.

We went back to the sofa much refreshed and just cuddled quietly for the next few hours. John got us another round of paracetamol and kept the tea going continuously. We managed to chat after a bit too. “I had fun last night John. It was strange and different. I've never been to a party anything like that before.”

“I had fun too Sherlock. I like showing you off. I hope you don't mind.” I smiled. I'd do anything for John and all he wanted to do was tell everyone about me! How strange love was. “You didn't mind the demo did you? I didn't really think about asking you at the time. Everything just seemed to happen.”

I nodded. “No John. I was more worried I would permanently damage someone. I've never tried to prevent myself from hurting my opponent. For the last three years I've used every dirty trick I know to just buy enough time to run away! I've taken away from every martial art there is just to keep surviving. There was no machismo involved. I wasn't there to intimidate to threaten. I had just enough time to kill my target and make an escape. I was caught more in the beginning but I worked past that in a very ugly fashion.”

John kissed me tenderly. His face was loving, admiring and understanding. “Smart, musical and also proficient at multi-martial art. What a catch! How many?” I knew what he was asking and the butcher's list ran through my mind.

“Fifty-four. Fifty-four directly dead by my hand. I have no idea about wounded. Some of the things I did involved certain amounts of collateral damage. No one involved was innocent though but I only killed the ones in charge. I'd never killed anyone before this. Now I'm an assassin.” John just hugged me to him and kissed my temple.

“You aren't an assassin. You're a hero who rescued a lot of people at great cost. You didn't just save me, Mrs. Hudson and Greg. You saved thousands of innocent people, people who have been bought and sold a dozen ways without knowing it. If no one else in the world realizes this then at least you know that I do. I love you Sherlock Holmes. I love you no matter how badly you think of yourself, no matter how much you may believe you don't deserve it. It's not up to you. I love you of my own free will and nothing can stop me.” He kissed me again and once more I was overwhelmed with a wave of love for my endlessly surprising John.

Then there was his new battle. “Thank you for organizing this attempt to impress my mother. It won't work at all but thank you anyway.” John snorted in an unbecoming way.

“Sherlock your mother has her priorities all wrong. I have no idea what more she can expect from her sons. Greg wasn't exaggerating when he said Mycroft was the most powerful man in England. He wields more power than the Queen and Prime Minister combined! Mummy Dearest doesn't have to accept what she hears but she will hear it!” he shifted around. “I'm a fucking catch too. Who's she kidding?”

Now I laughed. John sounded so offended but I knew he was grinning and teasing. “John thank you again for proposing to me. It was so unexpected. I was so surprised. I never imagined I would ever get married. I never thought I'd ever meet anyone who could handle living with me, never mind wanting to spend their life with me. I learned right from when I was a small child that I was not very personable or desirable to be with. Everyone left as soon as they could manage.”

“Who the fuck raised you anyway? Did they keep you in a box or something? How does anyone with as many advantages as your family raise such emotionally dysfunctional people?” I shrugged. It had been lonely but since I'd never known differently I didn't understand what I had missed.

I tried to explain as I understood my childhood, “Mycroft and I had _au pair_ when we were small but as soon as we were old enough we had nannies. After that we had tutors until we were sent to boarding school. Mummy and Papa had very little to do with us generally, except at formal occasions. That was how all the children in our social class were raised I was told. Papa was busy working or traveling for work. Mummy was heavily involved with her society projects. Neither of them had time for children that were being cared for perfectly safely by qualified caretakers.”

“Sounds very cold.” said John sadly. I shrugged. I had no experience of anything being any other way so I couldn't really comment. “Why does your mum dislike you so much?”

I knew the answer to that. “She wanted a daughter. Papa refused to have more children so she was stuck with sons and resented it. I was of no familial use unless Mycroft died but he's stubbornly remained alive. I was still schooled appropriately but essentially left to my own devices. Unless I caught their attention by doing something they didn't approve of I didn't really hear from them. Anything I did that could be considered an achievement was only taken as a matter of course.”

“How heartless can people be? Your mum! What kind of person takes out her resentment on an innocent child! Well darling, you turned out remarkably well considering. You're smart, clever, fun, and sexy as hell.” I blushed. _I would never get used to him thinking I was sexy. I was all angles and points. John was made of exciting curves that filled my hand in the most delightful way_.

“You actually think I'm fun? You'd be the only person in the world to say so.” John actually looked surprise to hear me say this. He shook his head and smiled up at me, his eyebrow quirked as he pointed something out.

“Really Sherlock? You and I have been laughing our asses off together since the day we met. We've had a million laughs together. You're incredibly entertaining, at least I think so. You've a brilliant way of looking at things. You make me laugh all the time. You're dry but funny.” now that I thought of it I realized he was right. John and I had been laughing together since we met. I'd never really considered how odd that was. No wonder we got so many questioning looks from the Yarders. Had I ever laughed with someone before? I couldn't recall so maybe I hadn't. At least not since I was a child.

“You make me laugh John. You make me see there's fun in life. Before I met you it was all very observational. I was busy learning and not living. I'm living now. You brought me to life.” That was nothing but the truth.

“No that was you Sherlock. You brought me to life. I was living in black and white before we met. I was at the end of my rope. I couldn't handle my life anymore. When I met you it was like everything went Technicolor for the first time. When you were gone it was black and white again. I couldn't bear it.” He held onto me tightly and I wrapped my arms around him. “I love you so much Sherlock. It still hurts me. I hurt inside because of how much I missed you. It makes me anxious. I'm afraid if I take my eyes off of you or lose my grip on you I'll lose you forever because you'll fade away like you did when I used to imagine you with me and I can't deal with that. I can't.” John moved around so he was straddling my hips, sitting on me so he could look into my eyes. “Promise me we'll never be apart again. Promise me you'll never leave me behind again.”

“I promise you John, I promise on my life I will never deliberately leave you behind. I will never be parted with you. If I am not with you then someone has taken me from you and I will be waiting for you to take me back. I will fight my way through any obstacle to return to you. I love you John. I will never tire of saying it. I love you.” I kissed him passionately. _How I loved my doctor, my lover, my partner. John! John! John! John!_

I was being picked up and carried I realized. John brought me back to the bedroom as I clung to him, kissing him desperately. “Sherlock!” he groaned into my mouth. We weren't paying attention to where we were going and tipped onto the bed all of a sudden. I forgot my aches and pains. We struggled out of our clothes and rutted together until we were hard and almost sore from the dry friction. “Let's try this.”

John twisted away and grabbed the lube. He dribbled some onto his hand and stroked over me. I hissed at the change in sensation but when John pressed his cock to mine and rutted again we both began groaning deeply together. “Fuck John! Fuck!” I wrapped my hand around his and together we stroked ourselves as our hips rocked and twisted. I felt that tight pool of sensation build in my belly until I was taut from head to toe and moaning nonsense sounds again.

“Sexy. So fucking sexy. My darling. My lover. My Sherlock.” sighed John. He sat back and his eyes rolled in his head. He almost sounded like he was weeping as he ejaculated. I couldn't enjoy the rest of his orgasm because I was busy shuddering and moaning so loud the walls seemed to vibrate. The rush of pleasure burned away the last of our misery so when John slumped back over me I was able to take him easily in my arms and hold him tight to my chest.

“I love you John. I love you so much I can never explain, not if I knew every word there was in every language there is or has ever been. I love you.” I kissed his face all over and cradled him to me. I loved the weight of him on me, loved the heat of his body and the texture of his skin. I loved how the smell of him was on me and that his come was soaking into my skin. “You're so handsome John. I don't tell you enough. Even this morning when we were so ill you looked so adorable.”

“I'm a doctor and a soldier! I'm older than you. I am not adorable. Handsome I can live with but I am not adorable!” he sounded mildly offended but I just shrugged and snuggled down.

“You are adorable John. Protesting won't stop it. You're cute. It's because you're tiny. Everyone said so last night. They were patting you on the head like a garden gnome.” John tried not to laugh but he couldn't stop it.

“Fucking _assholes_. After I saved their lives and everything. Shit.” Now I giggled at the false offense in his voice. His friends care for John and this was how they expressed their affections.

“I can't believe you think I'm attractive. I'm like a scarecrow. I'm all arms and legs and my face is put together funny. I've always hated my features but there's nothing to be done for it unless I get surgery.”

John turned my face to his. “Never do that! Never change how you look in any permanent way! It enrages me to think you've gone all this time with no one appreciating you! You're so beautiful Sherlock. Not one of the gents said differently last night and believe me, they would have. They're incredibly crass that way. Nearly all of them are straight but one hundred percent of them would have taken you to bed if I'd let them.”

 _Nonsense_. “Really John. You say the silliest things. If anyone was going to get bent over and fucked by the masses it would have been you. All of them admire you. It's plain. All of them loved you and even Bill said he would have taken a run at you. He wasn't lying, you know I can tell.”

John just rolled his eyes, “Your beauty isn't just physical anyway. Your true beauty is inside. Your mind is the sexiest thing I've ever encountered. Watching you deduce everyone last night turned me on so much! I wanted to fuck you in the bathroom. I was half a thought away from dragging you back there and just taking you. It was close. Your eyes are astoundingly lovely. Your skin is like pure cream. I love your cheekbones, I want to kiss them all the time. Your neck should be illegal. The way your back arches is a dream and your arse! Fuck Sherlock you have no idea how seeing your arse has affected me all these years. Whenever you knelt down and I could see it I struggled not to become aroused, especially at crime scenes! Who the fuck gets an erection at crime scenes over their asexual partner!”

“John Watson?” I guessed facetiously and he laughed.

“Yes. John Watson got an erection on more than one occasion from looking at Sherlock Holmes' bottom. That should make you happy. You gave me an identity crisis for over two years.” I hugged him and kissed him gently.

“You weren't the only one in crisis John. I had quite convinced myself that attraction to another person was pure biology and could be overcome with the firm application of the logical mind. All that happened was I came up with more and more convoluted ways of keeping you close.” oh how I had struggled! “I told you I was a sociopath. I was incapable of loving or feeling. I see now that I was so completely wrong, that I had allowed others to dictate how I should behave and deal with my emotions. I let people like Mummy cut away parts of myself so I could fit in. You're the only person who's interested in me as a complete package.”

“I do like your package, true enough.” said John. I rolled my eyes as he teased me and he chuckled. “Are you alright with me squaring off against your mum? I can't see that it's not finished between us. She doesn't strike me as the sort of person that just lets offense pass her by. She's got Harry on her side too. Imagine what they could get up to together?”

“Let me think about that for a minute John. Do I mind that someone who's promised to love and care for me until the end of our days is rude to someone who's spent every minute of my life telling me what a disappointment I am? No. No I don't mind. I've tried for Mummy. I have. I've learned all her lessons, kept myself gainfully occupied in school, tried so hard to meet her ever evolving standards but nothing I've done has gained me one iota of love or respect! You on the other hand want nothing from me at all except for the chance to be able to just watch me live and you'd be satisfied with that. Mummy has no influence over us anymore. She may make things ugly or embarrassing but that's the worse she can do. Even if she does I know you and I can survive it together.” There was never a choice between Mummy and John. John had nearly died of grief while I was gone. Mummy had been mildly annoyed and the incident hadn't even altered her social calendar.

My magnificent doctor just looked at me and switched topics, “I had fun dancing with you the other night. We should go dancing more.” John was being serious.

“Really John? I've never gone dancing just to go.” I'd always gone for drugs. I had enjoyed fooling around on the dance floor with John though. It hadn't been difficult, it had been fun. I wasn't used to having fun just to have it. It was undignified but then, even Mycroft was dancing and his whole world revolved around appearing dignified.

“We could make it a date night activity.” John wanted to date me? Weren't we to be married? Did married people date?

He was watching the questions flow across my expressions, “Married people can go out on dates with each other. You have to work at keeping romance alive. We'll make going out a feature of our new life together so we don't get caught up just working all the time. We need to have couple time together, more than just what we did when we were flatmates. We'll go out and do stuff I like and stuff you like and after we've discovered what we like to do together we'll do those things as well.”

“Like bowling or going to the opera or attending sporting events?” I kissed John. “I thought we solved crimes and narrowly escaped death on our dates.”

“Yes darling, we'll still do all those things. We'll also go to bee-keeping seminars and attend lectures at the university forensic department. I'll drag you to footy and make you eat pub food with the boys. You'll make me listen to opera and I'll get you to a rock concert somehow. It will be our life. We'll try everything we care to.” John kissed me again as he made these little promises and once again I felt so lucky.

“They do offer a fascinating tour of the underground in Paris. Do we have to stay in England or can we date anywhere?” John nodded and we fell to talking about all the countries we wanted to see and all the activities we wanted to try until we dozed off and slept until morning.


	18. Double Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and John explore their relationship in a suprising way. Mycroft and Greg join them for an evening out.

I was rocking gently when I woke late in the morning. I gasped and felt John slide deep inside me. “Good morning darling. I tried to wait but you're irresistible. I _have_ to have you.” I smiled and rocked back into him, feeling myself stir and harden as he began to fuck me. John was right again. This was a marvelous way to be woken up. My sleep-relaxed body accepted John easily and pleasurably.

“You only want me for my body.” I teased then groaned as he deliberately brushed against my prostate gland. His hand snaked forward and began to stroke me firmly.

“It's such a beautiful body and my cock fits so nicely.” said John as he nibbled my earlobe. I moaned and began to undulate. “So clever Sherlock. You learn so fucking fast.”

John held me tight and rolled to his back, taking me with him. I rode him freely now, my hands sliding up over my body until I could lace my fingers over the back of my head. I fucked myself on John and he was very appreciative.

“So beautiful. Look at you take my cock. So fucking hot. I love the way your ass looks with my prick in it. It's pretty and wicked just like you. I love how pink your skin gets. I love how smooth and silky you are. That's it my sweet man. Use me. Make yourself come. I want to hear you come. I want to feel you come on my cock.” I was groaning nonsensically again. I loved it when John talked to me like this. He was eloquently crude and direct. I was trying to say John's name but my mouth wasn't working right. I babbled ridiculous sounds. “That's it precious man. I can feel you're close. You're so tight. You want me to make you come?”

I nodded wordlessly, riding him recklessly now. His hand began to masturbate me skillfully. I heard John growl harshly then he was thrusting upward as fast as he could. It was glorious and I struggled to speak, knowing how he loved how rude I could be, “Come in me John. Give your come to me. Mark me. Make me yours. I'm yours to use John. Come for me. Come for me. Come for me.” I ground myself down hard and felt him pulsing inside me, that hot damp spurt deep within me making me shudder ecstatically. John added a little twist of his wrist near the end and I pumped come all over his fingers. It slid down and ran over his balls. I couldn't process anything anymore and fell back gently.

It was a while before John shifted us so we were laying side by side instead of me being draped over him. He kissed my hand and held it to his mouth as he panted. “You are unbelievably sexy. If anyone had told me that Sherlock Holmes was as sensual and responsive as you are I never would have believed them.”

“Who would tell you such a thing? You're the only person I've ever been with in any way.” I was confused. John ran his hands over me and I tingled everywhere he touched.

John chuckled. “I don't actually mean someone would have said that. I'm just saying that anyone who knew you before we got together would have had serious doubts about your ability to relax enough to do something as primitive as engaging in sex. You were a creature of pure intellect remember? _It's only transport_.”

I laughed softly at my naiveté. I was now a creature of pure sensation and feeling. Every day I was learning more about the feelings I was overwhelmed with. All my old controls were long gone. I knew John was letting me adapt to my new state of awareness, allowing me to indulge in all those parts of myself that had gone unused my entire life. “I haven't even thought about how I was before since I returned. I've only been interested in learning to be with you John. I missed you so much. I missed you every second I was awake and I missed you in my dreams.”

John pulled me closer and we held each other. “I hate to say this right now darling but I need the bathroom. Instantly.” We burst out laughing and crawled awkwardly out of bed. John used the toilet first while I danced around desperately. When we'd finally rescued our dignities we climbed into the shower to wash up thoroughly. John pinned me to the shower wall like our session just a short while ago hadn't even happened. I yielded eagerly, sighing happily when he buried himself in me with ease.

“I missed you too Sherlock. Desperately. I wasn't alive. I was dead inside. I hated every breath I needed. I despised how my heart kept beating when yours had stilled. I wanted to join you but I was a coward. I couldn't leave and I couldn't stay. I'll never stop needing you. I need you Sherlock. I'll always need you. I love you. I don't care how broken you are. I love every insane piece of you.” John was frantic and filled with darkness.

I wrapped my arms and legs tight around him and molded my lips to his. I began to roll my hips slowly, milking his cock of every tremor, working every anxious pant from my lover as I exorcised the cancer that was still eating us with demonic bleakness. Both of us had been trapped in limbo that had felt like hell for nearly three years. The shower was inadequate. Without deciding out loud we disengaged, shutting the water off and only pausing to run towels roughly over one another so we could use the bed instead.

John was wild with need. I knew he needed to take me, to own me, to make me as much a part of him as he could so he could finally put the last three years away, so he could end the misery of the last five years. We had so much time behind us, we had so many demons to destroy. I lay on my back and let him take me roughly. He hadn't reapplied the lube and we were no longer even under the haphazard slickness of running water. I accepted his teeth and cock, both of which savaged my flesh until I was bruised high and low. My neck was raw with bites and bruises, my lips were red and swollen from the deep kisses he gave me that stole my breath and made me gasp.

His fingers clawed long bloody lines on my skin. My nipples were licked and worried until they were sore and aching. John gripped me painfully and rolled us so I was now laying on his hard belly. I rocked my hips after bracing my knees wide. His feet dug into the blankets as he shoved himself up and into me until I was burning. His hands were free to roam and red lines bloomed on my back and bottom as he raked over me. Each small agony found its pleasured match inside me and I craved more.

Finally John hand wrapped around the back of my neck and kept me trapped against his mouth as he growled. He shoved his other hand between us to stroke me harshly. I dropped my hips as fast as I could, every pain he had inflicted on my slender body amplifying the insane pleasure I was experiencing. I couldn't breathe anymore. My entire body convulsed and my head snapped back and out of his hand. I felt the tear of skin as his fingers were ripped from my neck by the force of my orgasm. I was experiencing a devastating combination of pain and pleasure. It was the most intoxicating orgasm I'd managed yet. My balls hurt from the intensity of my release. My cock felt like a steel rod, one that was releasing one aching spurt of come after another. I whipped back and forth as I came, my eyes rolling in my head as I shoved myself down as hard as I could and forced John as deep inside me as I could get him. I felt a hot wet trickled run from my entrance and knew it wasn't John.

John was beet red and covered in sweat. His face was locked in a rictus of pleasure and his mouth was open in a silent scream of release. I heard the air hiss from his lungs and felt him ejaculate deep inside me before his whole body began to shake and drum beneath me. I grasped his hands and trapped them by his head. I covered his body with mine and held him down while he was seized with tremors that made him twist and writhe beneath me in an uncontrolled dance of pure ecstasy.

My mind was perfectly clear. I felt all my thoughts coming together with maximum efficiency. I processed more information in those few moments than I did in hours of regular contemplation while in my mind palace. My body thrummed with the rush of endorphins. I recognized I had been hurt by the violence of our passion but every twang of pain was a healing for our joined souls. The balance between pain and pleasure was a fine line that I was now firmly attached to. I had never minded true pain. My transport seemed to respond strongly to its addition to lovemaking. I no longer felt frightened and vulnerable. I felt powerful and in touch with John on a sacred plain of understanding that only true union can bring. My eyes were open finally and when I looked into the glorious blue of John's eyes our gazes were filled with rapturous love.

I felt a damp trickled run down my neck and saw a scarlet drop land on John's chest. He lift a hand without breaking his gaze and wiped up the bloody droplet with a fingertip. Without blinking he popped it into his mouth and I smiled as he took my sacrament into his body. His voice was raspy and filled with devotion when he spoke, “One soul, one heart.”

I was filled with reverence and committed myself to him anew, “Two minds, two bodies, but a single entity. You and I until the end.” I pressed my mouth to his and tasted the coppery salt of my blood. He licked my lip and ran his mouth over my jaw to kiss the blood at my neck, hungrily drinking me in. My eyes fluttered shut and I sighed with contentment as we joined.

We helped each other out of bed, weak like we'd been in our first day. John's lips were stained with my blood and he had never looked so savagely wonderful. The shower stung but I didn't make a sound as he washed me, our eyes almost never leaving the others. We spoke no words, needed none in these moments. I bled gently all over, the water tinged pink at first as my wounds were sluiced. Some of the scratches were deep, especially the ones on my neck but I paid them no mind as John soaped me from head to toe. Each mar was a benediction. I felt flayed and blessed.

He led me from the shower like a bride and patted me dry, my blood staining the towel which he just dropped to the floor. He pulled ointments and salves from his kit and tended me with hands that were delicate and steady. Surgeon's hands. Hands that brought life from death. I extended my arms and stood perfectly still as John cared for me, his eyes calm and warm. I winked at him and he smiled softly. When he was done he put everything neatly away and led me graciously back to our room. “There won't be any scarring. Most of these will be gone tomorrow or the next day.”

The bedding was bloody in a few telling spots but we just stripped the bed silently and remade it. John bundled up the ruined items and set them near the bin with our discarded bachelor party clothes. We went to our wardrobe where I pulled on pajama pants but refused anything else. Standing tall and proud I let John guide me downstairs and while he made tea I played my violin for him, the sweet notes singing out our love as I displayed my marks in quiet victory. All the passion I still felt poured out in a glad symphony of love.

I put my violin down when John came to me with a steaming cup. He kissed me softly before allowing me to take it and I smiled tenderly at him after I took a sip of the delicious brew. “Thank you John.” Three simple words yet they had a multitude of implications and I meant all of them. _My brave and glorious soldier_. Grizzled and scarred, magnificent and strong he stood before me clad in cotton stripes and a smile always filled with understanding.

He took my hand and led me to the sofa where he helped me sit. I was tender everywhere but I sank into his embrace willingly, my smile relaxed and blissful. We drank our tea and basked in our love. Our cups were long empty when we heard a polite tap at the door. John looked surprised for a second then shook his head.

“Mycroft and Greg.” of course it had to be them. Who else would be able to get in the bottom door but them? Mrs. Hudson probably gave Mycroft a key ages ago. Only the deadbolt at the bottom of the inner door kept them out. John patted my knee and went to let them in. I arranged myself to be viewed.

My brother stepped in looking calm and collected but his eyes widened when he observed my appearance. My lips were red and swollen. Rapidly purpling bruises covered my neck and almost obscured the bloody claw marks on the left side. Droplets of blood had oozed down as I had played. My body was still hot with a multitude of long red lines from John's finger tips and small round bruises had bloomed all over my torso and hips when John had gripped me with painful firmness. Savage bites all over my chest were announced with teeth marks and for a minute I wondered if I was sitting on another bit of evidence and hoped my pants were a fairly absorbent. Greg swore colorfully and looked alarmed but John just asked if they wanted a cup of tea. Without waiting for an answer he went to the kitchen and put the kettle on.

Greg sat in John's chair after staring at me for a minute. Mycroft seated himself in mine with studied grace. Finally Mycroft just said, “Sherlock?” I suppose he expected some kind of explanation but I looked into the kitchen. John was watching me with a small smile. He gave an imperceptible shrug and I smiled back.

“Dear Mycroft. What can we do for the two of you tonight? Dinner out? Dancing perhaps? John was saying we needed to institute something he calls date night.” I looked into my empty tea cup innocently and John came back to gather it and his up with another small smile. He pressed a tender kiss to my slightly swollen lips and bore the cups back to the kitchen. Mycroft stared at me and then John.

“Sherlock. What the _fuck_ is going on?” Greg wasn't adept at subtlety but Mycroft just raised an eyebrow at me, urging me to explain. Greg had sounded fairly upset and possibly borderline angry.

“I don't know what you mean Lestrade. We are having tea and I just asked if you wanted to go on a double date.” I was being deliberately obtuse but I was enjoying John's smile as he puttered in the kitchen harmlessly putting together a plate of assorted biscuits on a tray that held our cups. He made tea for everyone and brought it in. Settling beside me he offered the biscuits to my brother who took one without a word. Greg just grabbed the plate out of John's hands and slammed it down on the coffee table.

“What the serious fuck is going on here! Sherlock! You look like you've just been raped. I'm having a hard time not calling in medical help.” He sounded sincerely upset but John just sniffed at him.

“Don't be stupid Greg. My doctor has already seen to my injuries. There's nothing seriously wrong and I heal rather fast as we all know.” I took John's hand gently in mine and we gave each other loving glances before looking blandly back at our unexpected guests.

Mycroft examined me for a moment longer then put his more bored expression on. “Gregory my dear, don't trouble yourself. It seems that my little brother has a taste for rough sex. John _is_ a doctor after all. I'm sure they have everything well in hand. Literally in fact.” John snorted a laugh again. Greg gaped at Mycroft and then turned his disbelief back to John who sat there unrepentant and comfortable.

“Seriously John? You did this to him for fun!” Greg was offended and still eying me with worry. I gazed at him clear eyed and calm. Lestrade was tense, bunched up. He glanced at me, then John and then turned to Mycroft. It was clear the Greg was about to make Mycroft exert his authority.

John snapped his eyes towards the DI who actually sat back when John suddenly seemed to take up the entire room. “Don't ever question what I do with Sherlock in private or elsewhere. It's none of your concern. By the by I seem to recall a certain someone who ended up in the trauma room because of a little overenthusiastic angry make-up sex. I don't recall making any threats to certain parties when _that_ happened.”

I saw Lestrade blush scarlet for the first time ever. Mycroft's face was frozen and stiff. I giggled. “Which one John? Mycroft or Greg?” John smirked at me and Greg's face turned puce. “Oh. Greg! Mycroft. I didn't know you had it in you. I suppose Greg did though since he put it there.” Now John guffawed loudly. He was still watching Lestrade with hard eyes no matter how merry his laugh.

“Thank you dear brother. How delightful of you. Dinner and dancing sounds lovely. Shall we meet somewhere? I should like to change into something appropriate for a night out. I've just come from the office.” He stood gracefully and John smirked at him when we both saw color still high in Mycroft's cheeks. Greg stood woodenly, his face flushed and uncomfortable looking. He kept darting glances at the red marks all over my torso and the vibrant love bites on my throat.

I was as voracious in my enjoyment of my new experiences as I had ever been with the excesses of learning and deductions I had immersed myself in. I was feeling my way to my decisions along with thinking and the clarity it produced was as addictive. There were senses to explore and information to capture. I needed to know more about my new state of awareness, “Dress to go clubbing. We're feeling good tonight. Angelo's in an hour? He keeps a table for us. Tell him we'll be joining you shortly.” Mycroft nodded graciously and made Greg take his arm, forcing him to leave without another word. Greg looked defeated and just shook his head gravely as they departed.

When we heard the bottom door shut firmly we burst out laughing and hugged each other. I hissed a bit when John's arms rubbed my scratches. “Dinner and dancing tonight? You're going to really feel that Sherlock. Are you sure?” I was sore all over but I was also brilliantly satisfied. John looked me over but I detected no untoward level of concern as he re-examined me quickly. Indeed many of the scratches had already faded away into faint pink lines, though there were masses on my lower chest and back that were very tender. I still looked like I'd been nearly flayed but I was also still riding high.

“We can put plasters over the worst ones to keep the chafing down and lotion me within an inch of my life to help the rest of them. I'll feel it a bit but dancing will loosen up our muscles and help the healing quicken. Come on John. Let's make ourselves look flagrantly accessible.” John laughed loudly again but didn't protest. I was happy and eager to go out. I wanted everyone to see me with my delicious doctor. I realized I could become reacquainted with all of my old haunts in a brand new way now that the world had so significantly altered for me but this time John would be with me. _We would try everything!_

We went to the bathroom again and John pulled out his medical kit which was unusually stocked with an abundance of plasters and other items. The Work was dangerous and I hated hospitals. John had always kept an extensive kit ready. He sorted through until he pulled out two large square bandages. Ignoring my complaints that they weren't very sexy he covered my chest, then my back, then bound them in place with elastic bandages. I twisted and moved to make sure I could dance unencumbered and nodded my satisfaction. I earned another kiss. He daubed more ointment on my neck to keep the sweat from stinging it too much later but I refused to cover my love bites in any way. He smiled.

We dug around the wardrobe and I pulled out the tightest slinkiest clothes I could find. My pants did have a couple of tiny pink spots so I changed into fresh before choosing everything else. My thin purple shirt was buttoned onto me, the top buttons undone so you could still see my neck clearly and the mass of bites that led enticingly downward. My pants were well-tailored and John spent a minute just running his hands over my arse. “You're almost too sexy to bring out into the public darling. I may be breaking some heads tonight because you'll be breaking hearts.”

John made me want to give him a blow job after he chose his clothes. I had no idea he looked so good in black. He wore black trousers and a tight long sleeve black tee-shirt. It clung to him, showing off all his hard compact muscles. Now I had to take a moment to run my fingers over him. With a wink I went to the bathroom and used some gel to tease the knobs of my curls up into something more deliberately spiky. John watched me from the doorway, “People are going to think I'm robbing the cradle. You look like a lad.”

I winked at him from the mirror, “I love you _big daddy_.” he shook his head and laughed. I was getting better at jokes. John left the bathroom and came back a minute later with our superhero belts.

“I want to keep these. They're fun.” I shrugged and enjoyed letting him put the belt on me, cinching it tight and caressing my bum one more time. “You're sure you're not too sore to go out? We'd better take some paracetamol. You can have one or two drinks after dinner but not during, alright?”

“Yes doctor. Whatever daddy says.” I winked impishly at him again and he kissed me. I felt sassy and flirtatious, two feelings I'd never thought I'd be acquainted with but they were the only two that fit the parameters of the emotional combination I was experiencing.

“Good boy. Come along.” I very much enjoyed this paradigm shift in our relationship and followed my darling John happily. I could get used to letting him be in charge. I enjoyed it more than I would ever thought I would and John seemed to as well.

He stopped and turned to me. “I love you Sherlock. Tonight was so special for me. I like seeing my marks on you. It suits you and the feeling suits me. I feel like I've branded you, and I want everyone who lays eyes on you tonight to know it was me who did it. You're mine. I'm terribly jealous of that fact so it's fair to say that I expect to keep you marked. I hope you can understand.”

I melted against him and rested my head on top of his. “I adore you John. I feel marvelous. I wore these clothes specifically to show these marks off. If I had something to wear that would allow me to show off all my marks I would. I'm sure there are appropriate clubs out there for us to do just that. Another night, alright? You have my open ended permission to mark me as much as you please. I will happily hand ownership of myself over to you. Maybe a collar with your name on it or something. We'll look into it.”

John patted my bum one more time as he helped me into my Belstaff. He looked interested and I was intrigued _. So many crimes were ones of passion and now I understood! Now I needed to retrace my steps in all the learning I'd done and apply myself to reinterpreting all I thought I'd known. How did John do it?_ I realized anew that he was so very brilliant in his own way. He knew all about feeling and still managed to obtain a higher level of learning despite caring. _Mummy was wrong. Papa had been wrong! Caring was an advantage_. “We'll do that Sherlock, if you're serious. It's taken me all this time and heartache to get you. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about your availability. Come along my darling. We have family to shock.”

We strolled to Angelo's arm in arm. John told me the tiniest smidgen about the trauma room incident. I giggled with him as I learned that Mycroft had needed to stay in hospital for two days to recover from Greg's overly ardent attentions. It had been stifled in the media and both of them had sworn to never speak of it. John worked at the hospital though and had learned about it by accident. He still applied his oath and only told me enough to know that he knew what happened. Even though Mycroft was a prat and Lestrade could be an idiot no patient details would ever be learned directly about anyone, not from John Watson. I had fun guessing anyway even though he gave me no hints that I was right or wrong. He just laughed along and smiled his lovely smile.

“Well now that you've introduced me to sex we're going to have to try every form of sex there is. You know what I'm like John. I _need_ to learn. I know there's more to know so I must.” It wasn't The Work but it was who I was. I was endlessly curious, the scientific mind I had trained so diligently since I was a child would allow for no gaps in information. Now that the barriers were down I understood that I had allowed a huge portion of the human experience to slip past me unnoticed and that wasn't proper. People had feelings and that was a fact. You couldn't ignore the facts.

“As long as I'm the only one involved in your sexucation I shall be very pleased to help you with this.” I laughed and kissed my clever doctor. “It's almost too bad I despise The Woman so much. I'm sure she'd have much to say on this topic.”

 _The Woman. John hated her. He'd been jealous of her, had thought that I loved her at one point. I never had, not for a moment. She had shown me her flesh but it wasn't nearly as enticing as her mind. She was a puzzle. That was it. Once her mystery had been solved I had walked away without a backward glance. I was no longer interested. Only John interested me all the time._ “True John. Maybe we can consult with someone else in her profession. She's not the only one available. We can find someone who doesn't make us feel instantly on the defensive. The Woman did not stimulate me sexually at all. In fact she made me feel that not having sex was the right choice. She was very clever but she was traitorous. I have reason to believe that I can only have sex with someone I trust completely and the only person I trust completely is you. She's always made me feel like I was to be exposed and displayed to the highest bidders and that feeling was not good.”

“She was like Moriarty though Sherlock. Irene and Moriarty both wanted you to satisfy something in them, something you didn't do. You were a prize to them, something to be taken and used as they pleased. Both of them fancied you, imagined they loved you but only in the worst possible way. I know you owed The Woman for help that she'd given you. I know that Moriarty intrigued you because he was a genius similar to you in intellect. I know that had things been different you would have gone to him eventually because he was fascinating.”

I stopped walking and looked at John. _John thought I would have gone to Moriarty to seek him as a lover?_ John looked back at me calmly. _Was this how John had thought of himself this entire time? Did he actually think I would have chosen someone before him?_ “John...I...”

“Sherlock. I know you better than absolutely anyone in the world. James Moriarty was a puzzle, one that you still haven't figured out. Yes, he would have driven you mad with his teasing and his mercurial demands but you would never have been bored. He was sexually dynamic, kept lovers all over the place and all of them were just gagging for another round with him. He would have kept you interested for a very long time. You were cut from the same cloth as much as I hate to say it. I'm not intelligent like you are but I can see clearly that a choice between Moriarty and I back then would have ended up in me being a very lonely doctor.” _He was serious! He believed this! Oh John._

I took his face in my hands and kissed his mouth. I looked him in the eyes, knowing he could read the truth of my words, “No. No John no! Moriarty wasn't any more appealing to me than The Woman. He made his passes at me. The first time I was very intrigued. Of course I would be, no one else had ever openly expressed their desires for me. He tried to kiss me once and I cringed. I _cringed_ John. The thought of his mouth on mine sickened me. I would have slept with The Woman before I could have brought myself to engage in even the mildest form of physical affection with Moriarty. Quite frankly kissing a sample of the bubonic plague would be more enticing. That at least would have had some interesting scientific information whereas interacting with either of those two would have been banal and pointless. You are brilliant John, not the same as me but then no one is. You are brilliant in a whole different way, _the John Watson way_ and I've yet to tire of it. You've kept me interested since the very first moment.”

He grinned at me _. I had made John smile and I was filled with joy. I reminded myself to make him smile as often as possible. I knew how to make John happy. I knew everything about John. All I had needed was permission to let myself do so_. Once again I vowed to do everything I could to make John understand how very much he meant to me. We were nearly at Angelo's. “I think I scared Greg earlier. Did you see him sit back in my chair?”

I puffed up proudly. “You completely intimidated him. My wonderful soldier! Come on daddy, let's have dinner.” I gave him a devilish wink when he rolled his eyes at me. When we got to the door he opened it for me grandly and I gave him another coquettish wink as we went inside.


	19. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sherlock work out their relationship. Sherlock has an interesting request to make.

Angelo was so pleased to see us. Mycroft and Greg had been shown to our table and were sipping glasses of wine while they waited. “Water for us Angelo.”

“Of course Doctor John. I will bring your menus directly.” He was completely professional, his eyes not checking out my marks at all. Angelo just smiled proudly and ushered us to our window seat grandly and seated us next to my brother. Greg looked amused now.

“You look like a kid Sherlock. Where'd you scrape up the paedo-bait John?” Greg chuckled. I still wasn't talking to Greg. I smiled at my brother who stifled an amused smirk. John sat me carefully since I was still tender before seating himself.

“I bought him an ice lolly and he followed me home.” quipped John and everything was good again. Mycroft permitted himself a second small smile. I draped myself around John covetously. Both Greg and Mycroft had discarded their normal suits and were wearing the most casual clothes I'd ever seen them in. Mycroft had on dark slacks and a button down shirt with no tie. A thin jumper in dark green covered his ample frame in a rather clinging way. Lestrade was in jeans and wore some kind of sleeveless shirt with another collarless shirt over it. He was actually very handsome in vibrant colors.

Dinner was delicious. John and I shared a plate of ravioli, my absolute favorite. Angelo didn't even ask, he just removed the extra setting and settled our dinner between us without a word. We fed one another the way we always did now and Mycroft rolled his eyes. “Aren't you being a little silly?”

“Shut up Mycroft. We missed each other for a very long time. We've spent too much of our lives apart and we plan on sharing everything from now on.” I snipped at my brother without thinking and John grinned at me, popping another bite of food into my mouth.

“How are you going to work cases like this?” John looked at Lestrade almost mildly but I felt his body tense. John did not care for others trying to pressure us even slightly. Somehow in between breaths John shifted into _Captain Watson_ and Lestrade sat back, not even conscious that he'd been relegated to beta status without a fight.

“We _won't_ if you keep troubling us about our personal relationship. No one said we were resuming The Work. Don't presume Lestrade.” I relaxed against John and let him handle the situation. I knew if I wanted to we would be working right that moment but John wasn't about to allow anyone to dictate our lives to us, not any more. _We'd danced to other people's tunes for long enough. If we decided to Work again, it would be a choice we made together. I was content_.

“Indeed Captain.” said Mycroft mildly who went back to eating his meal. He was always so very sharp. Greg stared at us for a minute then went back to destroying his food with his fork. After a minute or two he seemed to struggle with himself then looked back at John.

“What precisely is going on with you two? I've known Sherlock for almost ten years now and I've never once seen him follow. He's like a lamb now. What in the name of the seven hells is going on? I have to say I'm a bit worried.” He really was. I glanced over him and saw how he gripped his fork, the way he held himself and the untapped energy of him that was coiled and aching to burst forth into activity. Greg was a protector and I had been under his wing for a very long time. I relented and nudged John. My soldier glanced over to me and his eyes told me everything I needed to know.

I looked over to Lestrade and spoke gently, “John and I are on a new path together Gregory. We're learning together. We have a long life in front of us and it would be remiss if we didn't make an effort to enjoy one another every way there is. I've devoted myself to The Work for over thirty-seven years. That devotion has earned me a lot of loneliness, pain and as you well know, death. Upon dying I learned that only one person should have been worth all my attention and all my efforts. That person now sits beside me and beside me he shall remain until we are no more. Until that time we plan on experiencing absolutely everything. John is allowing me to be myself, no limits, no inhibitions. Simple. Obvious.”

John was watching Mycroft. I looked at my brother and saw an emotion I'd never once witnessed him experience. Envy. He sighed softly and lay his utensils down to look at the DI. “They are free Gregory my dear, free the way few people are. My brother has been forced into boxes and restraints since he was an infant and it has broken him. We should be grateful that they plan to live their lives accordingly. You and I are bound to our worlds by a thousand and one cords. We've tied each one ourselves with the best knots we know how to make. I suppose we can enjoy their freedom vicariously and rejoice that they are alive and together.”

Greg's tension seeped away as he listened to his lover. He looked chagrined and looked at John. “I'm happy for you mate. It was just a bit of a start. Sherlock is like my own son. I've cared and worried a long time. I shouldn't doubt that you're the best hands for him to be in. It will take a bit of getting used to. He's been The Virgin for so long! I had no idea he was such a tart.”

John and I burst out laughing. John elbowed me gleefully, “See darling! What did I say?”

I sniggered and leaned into him, “John said nearly the very same thing just the other day Greg. He said no one who knew me before we got together would ever have suspected I was even remotely capable of being intimate.”

Greg leered at us, now completely relaxed. “He's that good is he John? Setting records are we?” Greg was perfectly comfortable joking about these matters. He was like John in that regard, earthy and common as clay. Captain John looked up and exhaled and suddenly it was just ordinary John joking with his old friend and fellow pub goer. I wanted to crawl into his lap and devour him.

“Not hospital worthy but I'd have to say yes. Yes he is.” Mycroft flushed when John's equally wicked leer took him in and flickered down to his large behind. John had never looked at Mycroft that way before but my brother still almost blushed again when he realized that if John really wanted, he could have Mycroft and Greg both on their knees and gagging for him. My soldier wasn't interested in them but nonetheless, it was now known. John was the only Alpha here and I was his only Omega. I should have asked John what the two day injury was. He'd never tell me but guessing had been so much fun. Later I promised myself.

“Let's get out of here and get dancing. I need a real drink.” Greg shoveled in his massacred food and gulped down the last of his wine. Mycroft delicately ate two more bites and sipped from his glass.

John fed me until we were done and made me have some water. I helped him up and Mycroft left a very generous tip under the bread basket knowing full well that Angelo would refuse payment for the meal.

A long black car slid up in front of the restaurant just as we emerged. “Like fucking old times isn't it darling. Been kidnapped away by Mycroft to go who knows where.”

“This time dear doctor we are going dancing. I know several establishments that should interest you. Gregory my dear?” Mycroft extended his hand and Greg helped him into the vehicle with tenderness. Greg was always gentle with Mycroft in public and both of them were exquisitely polite and considerate of one another.

“Darling?” asked John with a small smile. He offered his hand to help me in after Greg climbed inside.

“Thank you John.” I said and once again meant the multitude of things I'd implied. Of course John understood. He always did. He still pinched my bum as I got in and it made me yip. Greg snickered.

I blushed as I sat down opposite my brother. Once the door closed Greg relaxed entirely. The car was Mycroft's mobile sanctum. We were completely unobserved within. “Right John. What record? Spill. Nothing but us girls here now.” John laughed genially and I shrugged my shoulders without looking at him. He could brag if he wished. I had nothing to hide and only dimly understood the concept of discretion when regarding private matters.

“Head. Hour twenty.” Greg's jaw dropped and John chuckled again, “Yeah, just like that. Well done Greg.”

Mycroft laughed softly when Greg's mouth snapped shut. “Little brother. Really. How unexpected.”

“Scientific principle brother. Shall I explain my methods?” John grinned lecherously but Mycroft closed his eyes and turned away looking nauseated.

“Please don't. While still very impressed with your endurance I cannot say the direct knowledge of your prowess in fellatio will do much for my own love life. Rather the opposite in fact.” John and Greg were laughing openly now. Greg was a cop and John was a soldier. Their sense of humor was always ribald and they relished the discomfort Mycroft was displaying.

“Well Myc's no slouch but in the opposite direction.” Greg winked at his lover and now I was the one wanting to puke. _I could not help but envision Mycroft on his knees in front of Greg and it made me want to gouge my own eyes out for betraying me_. John just laughed and Greg continued, his face incredibly expressive. “Never met a man who was so efficient. He's the very definition of the term 'quickie'. Makes lunch times fun.” John and Greg laughed harder than ever as Mycroft and I just squirmed uncomfortably.

Mycroft sighed and looked back at Greg. “My free time is rare. It's either brevity or nothing at all. You can think about _that_ if you like.” John kept chuckling but Greg was looking at Mycroft with a bit of concern. Mycroft smiled briefly and Greg relaxed. They obviously understood each other very well.

“All we're saying is that you can't expect us to jump back into The Work any time soon. We've been out of the game for years now and you've managed.” John said firmly.

“They've _barely_ managed. Their crime rate is deplorable and the unsolved crime quotient is through the roof. Still, that's their problem not mine. They need to raise their standards when promoting their detectives.” I was in a bit of a snit but no one seemed to be unduly offended.

“What if a ten crops up?” asked Greg curiously. John considered for a moment then squeezed my fingers after he came to a decision.

“If a ten crops up feel free to text us. It's not guaranteeing we'll take the case but we can decide when the time happens if it ever does.” _Captain John was delicious. I felt warm inside and pressed close to my brave soldier. I was so happy to be under his command_. “I'm not presently eager to begin working again. Just over two weeks ago I was at death’s door, may I remind you? I'd like to have a little guilt-free recuperation time if that's alright. Sherlock and I have done our bit for Queen and Country wouldn't you say?” His tone was darkly biting at the end. _We had given nearly everything. Didn't we deserve the chance to just live and breathe together for a span of time?_

Greg nodded and even Mycroft gave us a gentle glance. My brother looked at me seriously, his eyes grave, “You have indeed John, you have indeed. Both of you have risen far above yourselves and given more than any two people could expect to give. I shall never let that be unappreciated.”

“Brother, John is on some kind of quest to get Mummy to recognize me in some fashion. I'm not sure what to think of that.” I glanced at John who looked at me seriously. He took my hand and squeezed my fingers lovingly one more time.

Mycroft gave John a little smile. “Your doctor loves you unconditionally Little Brother. Our mother does not. Through no fault of your own your very existence is a blight to her. She has made no effort to understand or appreciate your uniqueness. If anyone can make her see, it will be John. I look forward to seeing his plans in action.”

“My mum still has all my own primary school drawings, and thinks I should have been an artist. She's always sending us tins of biscuits and horrible hand-made lap blankets.” Greg said laconically.

“Mother Lestrade is a dear much like Mrs. Hudson. Her biscuits are delicious and her blankets are charming. I keep one in each of my homes and apartments abroad.” Mycroft made Greg smile proudly. I was actually touched to see that Mycroft valued his mother-in-law. I wondered what various diplomats thought of the blankets when they saw them.

“That reminds me Mycroft, how many homes to the Holmes' own?” John giggled at his own word play and I grinned down at him. “Sherlock and I were thinking of spending some time traveling around to visit them all.

“I can have a list drawn up for you. There are several. It would take a lot of time to see all of them. I've only managed it one time but then I am very busy.” Mycroft retrieved his phone and tapped in a request. He tucked it back into his pocket when he was done and took Greg's hand. The DI yanked Mycroft closer and my brother didn't protest as he was cuddled close.

“I'll be retiring soon enough Mycroft, I've already promised. We'll travel together the way you want.” Mycroft relaxed infinitesimally against Greg and I saw that we were now part of a conversation that had gone on between them for a long time. “I used to argue that I was too old for Mycroft. He turned that around on me and insisted that I retire from service so we could spend some time together. He's just hitting his stride politically and will be on the move almost constantly. As it is we almost never see one another. This is the most time we've had together in almost a year and a half.”

“You're not close to retirement age!” protested John. Lestrade was definitely the eldest here. He was seventeen years older than myself, a decade older than Mycroft but that still made retirement several years away.

“Not doing it for the retirement package John. I'm marrying money remember. I've got my plum and a full wallet. Don't need to keep up late nights doing body bags and drug busts forever do I? I'm wearing down. It’s harder to do every year and I'm burning out fast. Mycroft wants me with him when he's working and I can't say I'd hate it.” John was laughing at Mycroft's face when Greg called him a plum. I pulled out my phone and looked the slang term up while John and Greg laughed even more.

“Mycroft! How naughty.” I said and put my phone away. Mycroft looked out the window, feigning disdain but he still looked pleased with the appellation.

“Really Sherlock? I do believe the phrase that applies to you for John is _twink_. Feel free to look that up.” John and Greg were roaring with laughter now. I pulled out my phone and looked the word up.

“Indeed.” I said dryly and tucked the phone away once more. John was giggling and I kissed the top of his head affectionately. “What would John be then?”

“Doctor Watson is clearly a natural born Dom my dear little brother. Dom's care for their subs very tenderly. You've needed a master for a long time and I do believe the good doctor qualifies.” I blushed now because John was now looking at me thoughtfully. _I recalled my request from earlier and realized that's exactly what I'd been asking for without even knowing what I wanted. I'd already requested a collar with his name on it!_

“Well now we know what sorts of things to get them for Christmas right Myc? Lots of leather and a new riding crop. Won't Mummy be surprised come Christmas morning?” Now we were all back to giggling and laughing easily with one another. The car stopped moving and I realized we were finally at our destination.

John got out first and helped me out gently. “So, Dom is it? We'll have to talk about that darling.”

I swayed over to him and dropped my hips down so we were face to face. Kissing him sweetly I leaned in and whispered, “I think we already know the answer to this question my Captain.”

John grinned at me and I was thrilled. “I promise to take care of you very tenderly Sherlock. You can count on it.” I kissed my darling doctor as Mycroft paid our way inside. There was a long line of people waiting to get inside but since Mycroft was there we just walked past them and into the club.

It was vast inside and teeming with barely clad flesh. The music pulsed and bright light works threw patterns over the floors and walls making walking a dizzying affair. Mycroft threaded us through the crowd until we made it to a dark nook in the far corner, not far from the dance floor. A velvet rope kept the press of bodies at bay and soon a server came up with an offering of the house specialty drink for each of us.

“Drink cautiously. The bartender is known for the potency of his concoctions. You don't get to order. You get water or one of his blends, those are your choices.” _Well that made it easy_. We drank the drinks which were colorful and had bits of fruit bobbing up and down. All the bits were soaked in something that probably evaporated when exposed to air so when my first drink was done I felt light-headed.

“Come on my pretty. Let's dance.” said John with a saucy wink. I grinned up at him and winked back. Mycroft and Greg set their glasses down and followed us onto the floor. John slotted our legs together like before and I dropped down to almost sit on his thigh after lacing my fingers together behind his neck. He began to move me around and soon we were lost in the music and each other.

“I like the way you move darling.” I admired my glorious soldier, loved how the colorful lights were caught in the silver in his hair. We were swaying and gyrating all over the place. John was sensual and cool. He knew what he wanted from me and how to make me give it to him. I surrendered myself to him and the music and loved the way my body felt. Once again John was showing me something that calmed the never ending demands of my mind and filled me with bliss.

“I fucking love the way you move Sherlock. You're slick. It's like you've got no bones. I can't take my eyes off of you.” John's look was hungry and I felt desire stirring in me as he looked me up and down. The music changed to something upbeat and fun. With a smile we broke apart and danced for each other. It was fun and full of laughter as we mimicked other dancers, trying out odd moves and just enjoying everything. It was liberating. I was becoming aware of my transport as being something of move value than just carrying my mind around in.

John was breathing heavy so I pulled him off the floor and perched beside him. A server came by and delivered fresh drinks to us. These were dark and murky and tastes sweet and dangerous. “I'm having fun John. That's what this is right? Fun?”

“Yes darling this is fun.” he answered tenderly. I felt proud for having recognized it. Fun wasn't something I was very used to doing on purpose. I had fun with John a lot though I was realizing. He was right. We laughed together all the time and I hadn't even realized that he had been teaching me about being a feeling person the entire time. My heart swelled with love and I pressed an adoring kiss to his mouth. “Thank you darling. That was sweet.”

Several people were dancing close by. Several of the women were eying us. I don't know how we seemed single but I couldn't blame them. We were two men without apparent dates sitting right by the floor. We looked good too, even Greg had said so. I smirked at John and cut my eyes to the ladies. He looked them over boldly. “Not really my area.” he said and turned back to me with a soft smile.

“Did you want to dance with one John?” he used to love women. It ate me up inside but how could I deny my John something he might enjoy? He pleased me with an instant frown.

“What the devil for? I don't lead people on and not one of them has the slightest chance of interesting me. Are you trying to hint that there's someone here you'd prefer to dance with? One of the men we saw on the floor?” John was instantly angry looking. He searched the crowd with his eyes looking for anyone who seemed to be watching me too closely.

“John don't be silly. I was only thinking that you use to very much enjoy dancing with women and that you might miss it. If someone out there is interested in me I haven't the faintest idea who they are. I can only see you John.” _I wasn't lying. He captured all my attention. I was completely focused on John_. I leaned forward and pressed a devoted kiss to his frown. “Don't be jealous John though it looks lovely on you. I cannot be parted from my Captain by any temptation.”

I twined our hands together, our rings flashing flamboyantly in the rage of lights. From the corner of my eye I saw the women's surprise and disappointment as I pulled John's mouth to my neck when he softly licked one of the larger bruises he'd left. My eyes slid closed and John kissed my mouth possessively. “Mine.” he stated.

I opened my eyes slowly and smiled, “Yours.” I agreed. “Dance with me John. Show everyone.”

He smiled. We finished our drinks quickly and he led me onto the floor. Now when John danced me around it was clear to everyone that he had one hundred percent ownership of me. Our love was obvious, our bond almost palpable. He kept me close, our twisting bodies bumping against one another easily as the music paced around us. The number of watchers we'd attracted grew until we were surrounded by hungry eyes and barely restrained libidos. Our desire for one another had spread from one couple to the next until everyone on the floor was caught in it.

Greg appeared over John's shoulder. “You've turned this place into a bordello. Myc and I want to get going. He's got an early morning. We'll call another car for you. Don't fuck each other on the dance floor.” he gave us a suggestive leer and disappeared back into the crowd. I laughed merrily and John's eyes twinkled.

The beat of the music picked up again and we were caught in a gorgeous orgy of flesh. Bodies pressed around us as we pulsated like one giant organism. We were lost in it, moving together flawlessly as passions raged around us. We were hot and sweaty. My clothes clung to me damply and I wanted to lick the drops of moisture that traced their way down John's face. Finally John slotted our legs together so I could drop down again and grind against him. “Time to fuck Sherlock. Let's go.”

I nodded and followed my lover as he led me by the hand. The new car was waiting right outside the door. Without a glance anywhere but at John he helped me inside. He sat in the middle of the seat and pulled me onto his lap. I twisted around so I was straddling him and we used the motions of the car to allow our bodies to rub against each other as we kissed. By the time the ride was done I was panting and silently begging for more. John nipped my lower lip to get me moving.

He got us inside and locked everything behind us before chasing me upstairs with a toothy grin. Once inside 221B we peeled off our clothes and my bandages, dropping everything carelessly wherever we happened to be until we made it to the bedroom. I ran my hands over John's sweet body, reveling in his textures and scent. He was thick and hard already. I was drooling for him and pushed him anxiously onto the bed so I could wrap my lips and tongue around him. “Oh Sherlock!” he groaned and thrust upward with abandon.

I used all my best moves and he was shuddering and bucking in no time. “Stop! Oh god Sherlock. I don't want to finish so soon. Come here you wicked thing.” John pulled me onto him and we rutted together as we kissed. “I want you to fuck me Sherlock. Get that beautiful cock in me.”

 _Oh my Captain yes!_ I kissed him ardently again then followed the lines of his body until I was once again between his thighs. I raised his legs high and buried my face against his musk. I probed deeply, lapping up every bit of him I could find. I used my tongue to open him almost entirely, humming and sucking until he was the one making nonsense sounds and shaking all over. I reached into our drawer and pulled out the lube, liberally slicking myself up. I pushed John's legs wide and lined myself up, sinking in all the way in one smooth push.

“John....oh yes....my John! My Captain! My marvelous soldier. I love you. I love you.” I chanted. I thrust a few times then I began to undulate against him, rolling my hips in a dance of pure enjoyment. John swore eloquently and for a long time. His cock was an angry red and was leaking pre-cum until a bright smear coated his belly. The sight of it made all the pleasure I was experiencing drop in a hot knot low in my abdomen. It was hard to focus. I was so close already. With a wretched moan I wrapped my long fingers around his hardness, using his own fluids to coat him as I stroked and twisted just the right way.

“Sherlock! Fuck! Fuck yes. Oh fucking Christ in heaven yes! Oh god yes fuck me yes!” John's orgasm was potent and hot. He clenched hard around me as he filled my hand with his essence. I managed to stroke him through it but soon I was barely holding myself up as my eyes rolled back into my head. I shoved myself as deep as I could once again and emptied myself. I collapsed on his heaving chest and felt myself chanting his name again as I shivered and twitched over him.

A long time later I was able to awkwardly shift myself off of John. I could barely use my arms and I was weak all over. I sagged into my pillow and flopped my arm over John's chest. “So date night is a fantastic concept. Let's make this a regular thing.”

John laughed wearily and I nuzzled his neck. “It was a pretty good night. It ended great too, not too shabby for a man as old as me.” I laughed.

“You are four years older than me. That's hardly old John. Greg. Now _he's_ old.” we laughed together. John managed to get his arm under my head and I rested on his good shoulder with contentment. We dozed for a few minutes but then John urged me out of bed.

“I know we've had one already but you're sweaty and those scratches are rather nasty. We'll shower and I'll fix you up again. We'll sleep better for it.” I didn't argue. I just got up and walked directly into the shower. We washed up quickly then John sat me on the toilet while he daubed ointment liberally all over me. “Tea and paracetamol. We'll be a bit hung over in the morning.”

We had tea and some left-overs with biscuits as dessert. I noted that John had really filled out in the last two weeks but he was still lean and hard all over. I caressed his flat stomach tenderly. “Missing my jelly belly?” he asked and I nodded.

“I like the way you look John but some of us really do appreciate having something to hang onto.” I did I realized. Now that I thought of it many of my suppressed fantasies had involved a lot of petting and stroking of said belly. Just the thought of how soft it must have felt made my cock twitch a bit.

“I'll never know will I. I can see that I can feed you all the food in the world but you'll never be more than slim. You look almost caught up already. I've got a ways to go before I'm back in pear shape.” John was laughing at himself but I just knelt down and kissed the entire area in question.

“I can't wait my love. We can go out right now and get pies and cake if you want. Or order in? What are you in the mood for?” I was serious. I was getting up to rifle through our take-out menus to find somewhere that might still be open at this time of night.

John laughed and helped me to my feet. “You want to fatten me up?” I nodded and felt hopeful. John laughed softly again. “You're serious. You want me back all podgy and tubby? I thought you hated it when people let themselves go.”

“Your belly was so gorgeous John. I loved your shape. I miss it. I regret making you so sad for so long that it all went away. I ruined you. I want you back, all of you.” John kissed me lovingly then and hugged me to him.

“I'm happy to hear that Sherlock because it's return is inevitable. We Watson's are known for our mid-life crisis bellies. We've been eating three big meals a day for weeks now. You want me to include pies and cakes? You're going to have to install a special lift to get me in and out of our flat if you plan on doing me like that.” He was teasing me but I suddenly could visualize John heavy. _My eyes widened as I thought of more John. Soft John. Adorable sweet John all tender and plump just waiting for me_. My cock twitched again.

“I will go out right this minute and find you a pastry shop John. I will happily feed you all day and night if that's what it takes.” I was serious. I caught him to me and pulled his hand to my crotch before I filled my hands with his soft beautiful arse. “See what the thought of that does to me?”

“Jesus Sherlock. You're really serious. Me being heavy turns you on?” I nodded and kissed him. “Well I don't want to be fat Sherlock but I suppose if my belly comes back I won't fight it too hard.” I smiled as I kissed him, content. He giggled and blushed when I urged him to have several biscuits, bargaining with me I had a bite and he ate the rest. We drank tea until the biscuits were gone then I lead my handsome lover back to bed.

We cuddled together under the blanket and I petted his belly. _I was so content and so calm. I'd never experienced life like this. I'd never known what it was like to simply be at peace but with John beside me the peace was endless. Breathing in the scent of him I dozed away and dreamed of cakes and pies and a jolly round John whom I could fuck for hours_.


	20. Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock wants what he wants and like always he charges ahead full speed.

The next morning I embarked on my plan to fatten John up. I insisted on pancakes for breakfast as well as eggs and sausage. I made a whole pot of coffee and set the table with syrup and jam for our toast. I dug out John's cookbooks and went through the recipes, seeking ones I thought we'd be able to manage that would help me attain my goal. John was caustic. “Why don't you just go get a crate of butter and spoon feed me that? Wash it down with a lot of beer. I'd be like those Kobe beef cows you read about.”

“Would you really eat straight butter John? That would simplify things immensely and beer is actually quite nutritious.” I looked up beers online for their nutrient content and John sighed.

“I was joking Sherlock. I don't want to eat straight butter or be a human Kobe beef cow.” _Oh. Well that was a bit of a letdown. At any rate straight butter would have non-beneficial side effects but pasta looked promising. I was sure Angelo could help me. His food was rich in high caloric food values. The sheer volume of dairy he packed into his dishes was astounding_.

John took my phone away and plunked his laptop on my lap instead. I muttered my thanks and dove head first into food research. Cups of tea showed up at regular intervals and I was aware that John was reading a book beside me. My typing slowed until I stopped entirely. “John. I've been ignoring you in favor of learning something new. I apologize.” I felt wretched.

John looked at me with surprise. “Why are you sorry Sherlock? You looked like you were enjoying yourself.”

“I haven't spoken to you for almost two hours though John. That's not very nice or loving of me.” I castigated myself. _I loved John. I was never bored with John. I had just spent two whole hours not thinking about my lover. I was a monster_.

John kissed my forehead and picked up his book. “It's been very comforting. It's been a long time since we had an afternoon like this. It's been delightful. You drank all the tea I gave you when normally you would have let it go cold. You kissed my cheek whenever I sat back down and didn't even stop typing. That made me warm inside because you were researching and yet kissing me was something you did without thinking. I love watching you work. I love watching you churn through information until you find the facts you need. Your mind is a super-computer and I get a front row seat to the most incredible show on earth. I've missed it.”

I stared at him, humbled and grateful for his understanding of me. “There must be more ways of saying I love you John but I'm afraid I can't think of any. I love you so much. How is it that you are so very perfect? You're so good to me John. So very good.”

“That's sweet Sherlock. I'm glad I made you happy. Really all I did was sit on my duff doing nothing but ogling you. Are you done for a bit? Shall I make us another cuppa?” I set the laptop aside after bookmarking several articles for later perusal.

“Let's go out for lunch John. I have an idea.” He smiled and just went to get dressed. I trailed in after him and caressed his behind before choosing a suit to wear. He pinched my bum again and once more I yipped. “John!”

“Sorry love. That's too precious of a sound. I shan't be stopping.” He grinned at me and pulled a jumper on. I tugged the bottom up and leaned over to kiss his stomach. I had another idea and fished out a fabric ruler I'd kept from a previous experiment. “Sherlock are you measuring my waist?”

“Yes John. Don't hold your belly in please. John? John! John exhale right now.” I heard a whoosh of air and John's abdomen relaxed. I measured carefully and made a note in a fresh pocketbook I'd found in my supply kit. I had different notebooks for different types of experiments but John deserved a notebook all of his own. I used my best pen too and quickly wrote in the parameters, noting today's date, John's measurements. I'd break into Mrs. Hudson's apartment before we left and weigh John before we went out to eat. When we finally left I made him hold our coats as I did exactly that. He protested of course. “Mrs. Hudson won't object. If she does I'll do something nice for her and she'll forgive me. She always does.”

I weighed John. I made him get on and off the scales more than once, then weighed myself for good measure to make certain it was accurate. I'd pick up one today. A better one. I wondered if hospital supply depots sold medical scales to the general public.

“I don't want to be fat on our wedding Sherlock. That's your big plan isn't it? You're actually going to fatten me up. This all wasn't just for curiosity.” I just took his hand and led him down the street towards Angelo's.

“You can't get fat in less than two weeks. Our wedding is practically around the corner already. Mrs. Hudson will be home tomorrow. She's our Mother Lestrade. You love her cakes and biscuits. I'll supply her with ingredients and we'll all be happy. She'll get to bake which she loves. I'll get to feed you which I'll love. You'll get to eat her pastries which you'll love. Win all around.” John still seemed reluctant.

“Sherlock this is the first time I've been in fighting trim since I entered the army. I don't want to have my roll back.” I stopped walking, suddenly devastated. _John was saying no. I couldn't breathe. I was crushed. I was at a loss now. I couldn't move. I'd been so happy making plans and now they were pointless and a waste of time. It was my own fault. I hadn't even really asked him. I'd just assumed. I never thought he say no. I felt crushed all over again and stared at my feet, completely dismayed_. I looked at John and saw the distress on his face.

“Are you crying Sherlock? Did I make you cry by telling you I didn't want to be fat?” I wiped away my tears angrily. _How did that happen! I wasn't a weeping mess. I must have had something in my eye. Was it dusty out today? I'd check the weather reports about pollen counts later on_.

“No. Of course not John.” I took his hand and kept walking though I was much slower. _I felt leaden now, my plans in ruins. We may as well just go back to the flat and make sandwiches for lunch. I couldn't help but calculate the small amount of calories in the sorts of sandwiches John generally made. Too few. He'd need to eat sandwiches all hours of the day to achieve my goals and he wouldn't do it. He had said no. Oh_.

John stopped walking and pulled me close. “Sherlock. You're still doing it. You're crying. You are crying because you want me to be heavier and I said I didn't want to.” _I didn't know what to say. I felt absolutely crushed. I couldn't force John to become heavy. He had to want it or it was all wrong_.

I looked at my feet again. “It will be fine John. Let's just go have lunch. Angelo will be happy to see us. We can have salad, he makes delightful ones.” I turned and walked down the street, my heart heavy.

“No. Stop walking.” I stopped but just looked at my feet again. I wasn't going to badger John into doing this. I wanted it because I thought it was sexy but if it made him feel bad then that was _Not Good_. I loved John and wanted him to be happy all the time. _My own happiness meant nothing compared to that. I could live with him like this and be content. I had John in my life and that was more than I'd hoped to have. I couldn't get greedy. I couldn't have everything all the time. Life wasn't like that_.

“Darling come back here please.” I walked back slowly, examining the sidewalk for interesting patterns. “Sherlock look at me please.” I raised my eyes to his collar. One of the buttons wasn't done all the way so I reached out and fixed it. “All the way up please.” I looked at his eyes. He was smiling at me.

“You are smiling John. Are you laughing at me?” Hurt laced through me and my lip quivered. _What? People laughed at me all the time. Why did my heart feel like collapsing in on itself when John did it?_

“You are a prat Sherlock Holmes. Come here you big idiot.” _Oh! John only called me an idiot when he was feeling affectionate. He hadn't been laughing at me! He had been laughing at something else! Oh John._ I gratefully entered his arms and let him hug me tight. “I'll do it.”

I beamed at him. I felt light and airy now and I wrapped my arms around him so I wouldn't float away. I kissed his face all over. “Are you absolutely sure John? Absolutely sure?” _He had to really, really want it. I would know now if he did not_. I looked at him intently, watching every nuance carefully.

“Who am I kidding Sherlock? I love to eat. I do love Mrs. Hudson's baking. I always fought with my waistline because it was expected of me. If the man I love who loves me back with his whole heart and soul wants me to have a tummy then I really shouldn't dig my heels in should I? I don't want to be unhealthy but I won't mind being heavy. Not for you. I'll do it.” _He was sincere. I could read it in every part of him_.

“Oh John! I love you so much. Every day I find something else about you that I adore. It never stops. It's never stopped. I love you so much. I promise I'll keep you healthy. I just want your tummy back. Maybe a bit more. Not too much. Just kind of....all over.” He rolled his eyes but I was so happy I was willing to let that slide. I took his arm in mine and led him jauntily the rest of the way to Angelo's.

As I expected Angelo was thrilled to see us. We made our way to our table and he came right back with a candle and our menus. We were receiving excited glances from other patrons. “Angelo, I'm embarking on an experiment and I require your help. What is the most fattening dish you make?”

“It's either the Eggplant Parmesan or the Fettuccine Alfredo. You don't have to try them if you are concerned, I can offer some very delicious dishes that...” I cut him off.

“We'll take one of each please. Lots of bread too if you don't mind.” Angelo beamed at me and hurried away to place our order. I kissed John again and heard some of the women sigh at another table.

“We're being watched Sherlock. Why?” I glanced around after John commented.

“I suspect it's because we're quite famous right now. Our engagement was announced in a rather spectacular way. Women tend to respond openly to romance and I've just kissed you while a rather noticeable candle burns at our table when no one else has one.” Now John glanced around.

“I guess you're right. Angelo really is a romantic isn't he.” John was absolutely right.

“Angelo is Italian. Italian men have a _very_ refined sense of romance. It's cultural. We're British. Our cultural romantic sense is so crippling it’s a wonder our nation doesn't just die out from lack of children.” I kissed John again to prove my point. Even more women sighed and looked at us with soft eyes.

“Wait till we eat. They'll be melting onto the floor.” quipped John with a twinkle in his eye. I laughed and held his hand. _I was so happy. Everything was perfect and it was all because of John_.

It didn't take long before Angelo returned with our over-sized portions. He set them on the table then dramatically put a portion of each on a single plate and set it between us. I smiled my thanks to him and he disappeared with a flourish. We had a captive audience as John and I fed each other one bite after another. I quite enjoyed both dishes.

“Right now we are sharing our food with a fifty-percent intake for one hundred percent of the serving. I would like to alter that to a more productive thirty/seventy split whereupon you take two bites for each one I take.” I'd thought of this carefully. John wouldn't want me to stop eating so much. I'd changed my eating habits to the extreme when I came back but my body had needed it desperately. I'd peak before John was finished bouncing back. He was right. I would be caught up soon. My body was long and lean naturally. I had occasionally been able to put on temporary muscle mass but it never remained with me.

“That seems reasonable Sherlock. I've always eaten much more than you and at least this way I know for sure you're getting some food and not living on toast and tea all the time.” He smiled and let me pop a second bite into his mouth. More women sighed and one of them dabbed her eye with a napkin.

John served us additional portions of the food and I fed him two bites for each one he gave me. _I liked the fettuccine best so he gave me most of that. I felt happy with each extra bite he took. It would take more than two weeks but eventually John would be sleek and luscious all over_. “You know you said that out loud, right?”

 _I had?_ “I apologize again John. That was not my intention. Well it _is_ my intention, it's just not what I meant to divulge out in public.” Our audience had heard though and all the women were fluttering and now most of them were dabbing their eyes. _Was there something in the air making their eyes watery? I paused for a moment to analyze how mine felt. Perfectly normal. I re-reminded myself to check the pollen count_. I looked at John and he was laughing softly.

“They're _sentimental_ about us. You've just asked me to gain weight because you love me heavier. Most people diet and exercise constantly to keep their lovers happy.” I leaned in close and whispered in his ear.

“Imagine what they would say if they knew how you plan on keeping me happy in the bedroom.” John's grin grew toothy and my heart raced. Our meal was done. Angelo appeared and whisked our leftovers away to be wrapped. John and I sipped more water and decided to go for an afternoon stroll. I was still sore and though I was more than willing to retire back to our bed I was still concerned about our health. We needed to walk. Sex was a fine way to exercise but we needed fresh air and some new scenery.

We strolled back to Baker Street to drop off our left-overs and get our jackets. John kissed me softly and I almost changed my mind about going out. John just winked at me and led me back downstairs where we headed to the park. The day was warm but not overly so. We strolled along the paths holding hands and taking everything in. John was happy to see that there was a musical performance at the far end of the park so we found a spot on the grass and took in several acts. Most of them didn't interest me but one group of youth did a creditable job recreating old gypsy music. It was wild and passionate.

“We should get them to play at our wedding.” remarked John lazily. “Imagine what your Mummy would think when we bring in the group of common-born juveniles with bargain-brand instruments.”

I could not text Mycroft fast enough. I held my camera up and caught one of their songs on video and sent it to him. By the time they got off the stage I got a text back. “Ask their availability. MH” John and I got up and quickly approached the young man who seemed to be in charge of the group.

He recognized us instantly as did at least half their troupe. We stepped behind the open stage with them and they all crowded around. I nudged John. He was better at talking to people and I didn't want to offend them by pointing out that their leader had a massive crush on the girl who played the saxophone but that she was pining for the girl on the bass guitar. All the teens were attached to other group members but none of them had achieved couple-hood. I pressed my lips together and restrained my impulse to divulge.

“Doctor John Watson, you are?” he prompted the young man who gaped at us.

“Gavin, sir. Gavin McAdam sir. _So_ pleased to make your acquaintance.” he was nervous and excited. The others shouted out their names and John nodded at all of them. “Congratulations on your engagement sirs, it was quite the newsflash.”

“Thank you Gavin. That brings me directly to my query. Sherlock and I very much enjoyed your set, so much so we were hoping you could perform at our wedding reception. There will be other musicians there but if you could do this same set we would be ever so grateful.” John was so gracious. I barely flinched as all the youngsters squealed and shouted their assent. They were very excited and babbled as a group. I couldn't make anything out but John laughed charmingly and they quieted. “What are your rates? Sherlock's brother is waiting to hear an answer back.”

Their jaws just dropped open. “Money? You're willing to _pay_ us? We're a school band sir. We're doing this for credit.”

“Nonsense.” I snapped. “You are performing in public to a large and diverse audience. You are a proper group, not a school organization, therefore you are entitled to due payment which I urge you to consider as an extravagance. My brother is rich, he can manage your fee.”

John rolled his eyes and cut them at me. I snapped shut again and bit my lip. He turned to Gavin. “There's ten of you, say, a hundred pounds each for your performance. It's going to be a bit of an ordeal getting you in and out so most of your evening will be committed. You'll need to be vetted at the gate because the reception is at _Buckingham Palace_.”

They were swooning. Gavin couldn't even speak for a minute and John just waited with a patient smile. “That sounds very reasonable sir. If you just tell us when we will promise to be there. Truthfully, you wouldn't need to pay a tuppence. We would be honored to play at your reception, most of us are entering Sciences because of you sir.” he looked at me with sincerity ringing in every word. I had inspired these young minds to engage in scientific pursuits. I smiled at them now, well pleased.

“Well consider it a defrayment of the annoyance you will feel when the Secret Service touch all your bits and stick their fingers in your instruments. They can't help themselves so I apologize in advance for their rudeness. They get fussy when you are about to meet the Queen.” I think one or two of the girls were going to faint. I looked at them with some concern but John just charged ahead.

“Wear what you're wearing now. It's lovely. No need to fancy it up. There will be plenty of other clothes horses there and it will do them good to see a bit of honest English on-stage. Ta! Someone will be in touch.” I nodded and took John's arm. Already I could see a black car in the distance. Anthea stepped out so John and I just walked away. She would make arrangements for our new entertainment. “Well that was interesting. I've never hired a band before.”

“Me either. You've performed before though right? Greg said you got offered a place at Julliard. Why did you say no?” _John, my beautiful John. He was always so interested. No one ever asked me questions about myself. He was the only one who was interested in all the parts of my story_.

“Yes I've performed many times. My prep schools had musical components and if I was still enrolled at the correct time I usually ended up on stage. Music has been the one constant in my life. It has always calmed and soothed me and even Mummy didn't hate that I played not that she ever saw or heard me. It was respectable so she didn't disapprove.” I was matter-of-fact about her with John. “Julliard though, it was a lovely idea for a moment but they focus only on music and I am so much more than that. I needed to do The Work and as much as I love my violin it does not help me understand enough to do The Work properly.”

“I love how you play Sherlock. It's magic. I get lost in the sound of it when you play. It was one of the things that made it so hard for me when you were gone. I could see your violin, remember how it used to make me feel when you played it but had I been able to play I never could have wrung notes from it the way you did. I mourned because I would never hear you play again and it was heartbreaking.” He clutched my fingers again and I leaned down to kiss his sad mouth.

“I'll play for you every day if you wish it John. I love music and you so there is no hardship involved. Whenever you want John.” _I would play until my fingers bled to keep him smiling. He deserved every drop of blood in me and I would bleed gratefully_.

“We'll work up to it slowly love. I don't want you hurting your beautiful hands. It's been a long time and you've lost all your calluses.” _Oh! Sweet John. He did care for me most tenderly_. I smiled down at him and felt bliss once again. The walk home was delightful and I noticed nothing except how wonderful John looked in the summer sun.

Returning home was a relief though. It had been very strange to walk about with John like a normal couple. It was as if the last three horrific years had not happened. As far as the world was concerned we were just a pair of about-to-be-newlyweds out enjoying a bit of music in the sun. Such a short time ago both of us had been at our utter ends. _I had made it back to England on sheer willpower. I barely recall what it was like to leave Russia. I had vague impressions of being flown on different aircraft over and over again until we landed in England. I had made Mycroft drive me directly to John. I felt John dying. I never stopped calling for him. Each day John had weakened a little more and his body was beginning to show signs of shutting down. I hadn't allowed myself to think of our desperation before we were reunited. I'd only allowed myself to feel the joy of After_.

I lurched and John caught me. “Darling! What's wrong Sherlock? Dizzy? Ill? Tell me how you feel. Do you need to sit? Come here.” John moved me to the couch, bracing me so I didn't just sink onto the floor. I clutched at him.

I had to look at him. I ran my eyes up and down him, franticly examining his every inch to assure myself that he was alright. I looked into his eyes. “For a moment I was back at our new beginning. It was so terrible John. I wouldn't have made it another day. I was beyond the end. You were so far gone. You would not have lasted much longer. I know it. So close John. It was cutting everything so close. Death had us in his hand.”

John looked at me seriously. “I wanted to die. I hoped every day that I would. I wanted to be with you. I begged Mycroft to bury me next to you. I wanted it to end. There was no relief of the loneliness and every day was a misery of continuation. I didn't believe it was really you at first. I couldn't accept it. I had spent so long ranting at shadows. You were a torment for me. A shade. A horror I loved and hated. You were dead and I hated that you hadn't taken me with you. I was dead but my heart just wouldn't stop. It wouldn't stop.”

I held him tight. “Your heart is the greatest masterpiece in this world. Your single heart has kept us going. It beat for me while I ran from place to place surrounded by madness and death. Your name was a benediction for me, a link to where I wanted to be, an unbreakable connection that drew me ever forward. No matter how hard I stumbled or how great my travails I could think about you John and know I had purpose. If you had died before I could see you again we would have been together. I made Mycroft give me the same promise as he brought me home. If we pass we shall be together John. Until the end and beyond.”

John took my hand and drew me to the bedroom. I went eagerly, needing him the way he needed me. We stripped each other bare and tangled ourselves together the way we had done so many times before and simply held one another. We breathed each other's breaths, we measured each other's heartbeat, and we drew in each other's scent. We spent the rest of the night simply being together, comforting one another in the darkness.


	21. Old Poison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and John have pushed themselves too far too fast. Greg pulls a spontaneous prank.

We slowed down. I had almost relapsed entirely. I felt fragile again. I feared being away from John even more than ever before. We spent the next several days just being together. We made love slowly, carefully. Every kiss that John gave me knitted my ravaged soul together a little bit more. Mrs. Hudson came home and hugged us both over and over again, and I was surprised anew at how much love I'd once enjoyed without realizing it. I explained my food plan and she clapped her hands gleefully. “Oh I know just the things to make Sherlock. Leave it to me. We'll have John glowing in no time. Oh off you go boys. I've got work to do!” I just left my credit card on the table. John had its twin in his wallet if for some reason we needed something.

I concentrated on my new goals. It was easier to focus on something that had some scientific basis to it. It was straight math. This many calories for that many pounds. The rest of it was mixed and matched into desired flavor results achieved by simple re-combinations of various themes. I was helping John do the shopping and it was fascinating what was available. I made copious notes of the produce section and spent hours looking up foods and recipes. Mrs. Hudson was very keen to show me how to prepare many dishes and John was a fair cook all on his own. We made most of our meals ourselves now unless we called Angelo or for Chinese take-away. I realized I loved to watch John eat and took great pleasure in feeding him as much as he would allow.

I found that I enjoyed the process. Cooking was science and art combined. I found that I enjoyed creating new dishes. My palate was as sensitive as everything else about me that I had ignored. Mastery of it though was not something that could be rushed but John was very forgiving and just quietly replaced whichever pots I ruined during the fury of my experimentation.

The tailors were notably unhappy about my experiment. “You are lucky we came to do a final fitting! We will adjust Doctor Watson's clothes to allow for his new regime.” _Well that was their job wasn't it? No need to be snippy about it. Did they really expect John to remain the bony scarecrow he had been two weeks ago? Ridiculous_.

“Well you'd better adjust everything because my John is going to be much larger than this very soon! Surely that's within your scope?” They smiled and assured me that they could indeed manage that and I was satisfied. Wasn't that why we paid the ludicrous fees commanded by their craftsmen? For their ability to adapt and create? If I'd wanted John to just be comfy I could have gotten him a boatload of ugly jumpers and all the ill-fitting slacks he wanted for the price of a single suit.

Mycroft came and visited every day to give us wedding updates. “We will be having a rehearsal and dinner on June 19th. Our wedding is on June 21. This will give us time to work out any problems with the arrangements and to allow those closest to us completely master their plans to ruin our big day. Mother is being entirely difficult and has asked Harry Watson to be her special guest. I have refused this request whereupon Mummy asked me what I planned to do to foil her.”

“My sister is NOT coming to my wedding. Kidnap her, ship her off, I don't care what you do. Lestrade! Can't you arrest her? Mandatory psychiatric restraint for seventy two hours? They do that on those police shows.” John was strident and furious. He stormed back and forth.

“I told Mummy she could have her guest. Of course it won't happen. I had planned exactly as you first suggested. Harry Watson will be detained and removed from London entirely on June 18th. I am shipping her overseas and leaving her on the shore of a vacation resort. It has an unfortunately high percentage of university students engaged in summer vacation activities. I'm certain Harry will be reluctant to leave, even if she knew how to get in touch with Mummy.” Mycroft was calm and John calmed as he listened.

“Thank you for that Mycroft though it doesn't sit very well with me that Harry gets vacation out of this but if that's what needed to be done, thank you again. Really though! I refuse to have the most special day of our lives ruined by your witch of a mother! Is there no one who exerts even the slightest authority over her? Anyone who can ensure that she doesn't poison the day both her sons wed?” John sounded plaintive and Mycroft looked at him speculatively.

“If it helps at all Harry has a limited time visitor’s visa and no ticket home. At some point she will be detained by the authorities and arrested. Unless Mummy finds out where she is, and ships her back, I don't see much going well for Harriet Watson. As for Mummy, there is one but to ask such a favor would require one in return. Would you both be willing to pay such a price?” _I didn't like the sound of this. John was immediately suspicious_.

“If Sherlock and I are ever required to provide a service these are _my_ stipulations and limits. We are never separated even for a minute, not for any reason. We aren't deployed into any war-related situation. _We choose!_ We will not be under the direct command of anyone, we're independent, _and_ we will not be required to be involved in anything that is life-threatening. We've died enough for a while. If we are required to kill we will require an explanation. We're _not_ thugs for hire. We just got back together, I don't want us to die to keep your mum from being a bitch.”

“I'm sure your terms are acceptable. I will ensure that any favor you must reciprocate is not injurious to either of you. I will speak to the individual and offer my services as well. It's also _my_ wedding day after all.” John sat close by me and held my hand in his trembling one. _He was very upset and that angered me_. I turned my eyes to my brother. _I felt hopeless again and so very tired_.

“Why Mycroft? Why does Mummy do this? Why so much spite? Are we so very terrible? Are we so defective that we do not even earn a mother's love? She machinates even now. What can she gain from this? What benefit can she hope to reap from attempting such malice! I have been as good a son as I could manage. I have survived her coldness and not taken her to task for it. I have never spoken an ill word about her, have respected her more than anyone who has offered me offense. I have never sought to defame our family. My troubles were mine and not hers. She divorced herself from me as soon as she learned I was a son and not a daughter, why should she carry on in this fashion? My death and resurrection meant nothing to her, impacted her in no way. Why am I the cause and focus of all this petty hatred?” _I was despondent now._ John took me in his arms and I buried my face in his neck, dry-eyed and rigid with misery _. It was bad enough when it was just me but Mummy despised John too_.

Mycroft's carefully controlled facade disappeared for the first time. He was anguished. “Little brother, it is not _you_ but _she_ that is wrong. You have done nothing. You deserve none of this. She has driven you from her heart and into the arms of despair. She may as well have plunged that first needle in your arm. I should have protected you more. You were such a sweet child. You were loved by everyone who knew you _except_ the one who should have loved you the most! She moved against you since you were in the cradle, dear brother. She removed everyone from your life that showed you the slightest affection. She sent me away as soon as she realized we were bonded as brothers. I tried to hide my affection for you but I was young and inexperienced. I tried after to help you but by then too much time had passed and too much damage was done. Mummy has spent every minute of your life trying to punish you for some crime no one has the knowledge of. That you weren't the daughter she hoped for is no reason for the relentless antipathy she has demonstrated toward you. I will make such arrangements as I may and I will not offer you to pay the price. If any price is sought I will undertake to see it met. You have indeed paid already and more than any person should have owed. I _am_ sorry Sherlock. I have failed you, even as she has.”

Greg came over and took Mycroft in his arms. “Myc you shouldn't have had to bear this burden. You were Sherlock's _brother_ , almost a babe yourself. You couldn't have understood how to help him, you shouldn't have had to live like that. I'll help you both however I can, you know I will. I won't ever let someone get away with hurting my boys. That bitch has no idea who she's messing with.” Lestrade actually was very good at being annoying to the aristocracy. I felt a tiny bit cheered at the thought. As a detective he could have been entirely stymied in his investigations if he allowed the elitist components of the population their autonomy. He raided their houses with as much care as a bull in a china shop whenever he found cause. He never hesitated to step on patent leather toes and walk all over titles or positions of power. Another reason Mycroft loved him so much. Greg never balked at wading through bullshit. This was going to be interesting.

John gave me another tight hug then released me. “I'm calling Bill and a bunch of the other boys. I know I what I've already told them but I think Mummy Dearest has just upped the ante and it's time to dig in and cover our asses. These boys have been off rotation for a while. I know they're antsy.” John kissed me briefly and took out his mobile, wandering to the kitchen as he began his calls pleasantly. John kept in touch with his fellow veterans or at least he had. He went to all the functions, spent time in hospital or pubs visiting and had the gift of remembering little details of their lives. Even the span of three years without contact meant nothing. All of them lived with war trauma. They understood John.

Greg watched John. “He's a good man. You're lucky Sherlock, very lucky, you _deserve_ John. Don't know if he deserves _you_ though, you mad bastard. Like I said, he's a good man. Solid.”

“I know Gregory. You're wrong. I don't deserve him, not one bit but John insists and I can't say no to him. I am cognizant of my luck and work diligently to make the most of every second of it. Not many men get second chances and I do not wish to waste mine.” I watched John almost without blinking. I couldn't hear what he was saying and his back was turned to me. Still I could see in the set of his shoulders and the way he braced his feet that he was in full _Captain_ -mode. He would be speaking with a clear measured voice. His words would be plain and to the point. His requests would be instantly accepted. There was something about John when he was like this that made even the most stubborn person accede if he truly wished it. Since that was me I knew it for fact. I suddenly realized I was going to have dozens of hardened war heroes on my side. My own private army led by my short, stocky, completely ordinary seeming John.

Greg paced back and forth, agitated with Mycroft's momentary loss of personal control. He was sensitive to Mycroft on a higher level and knew that Mycroft's self-control was precious to him. It was what made him able to be who he was. Everything depended on Mycroft being able to remain calm and cool in every eventuality. _That_ was his job. To see Mycroft upset to the point where he openly demonstrated his feelings left Greg feeling like he should be doing something. If Mummy had been a man I daresay things would have gotten rough very fast.

I couldn't help but notice how Greg moved. I had an epiphany. Greg was _Mycroft's_ John. Greg moved not like a soldier but still like a warrior. Underneath his cheap ill-fitting suits was a man whole could go day and night living on bad coffee and canteen food. He loved fiercely because he understood that his life could be over at any moment. He didn't save up for later. He did it all now. “I'm calling the Yarders.” He pulled out his phone and found his own private corner of the flat. Mycroft and I stopped watching our lovers and looked at each other.

“I know. I'm surprised by it too, all the time. I have no idea why he puts up with me Sherlock. I'm unavailable most of the time. I'm as difficult to live with as you are, yet he returns without fail and has yet to disappoint me. I too am unworthy but he will not relent.” We regarded each other dispassionately for a moment then went back to gazing at the men we loved.

Greg covered his phone and looked at Mycroft, “I put up with you because of that sweet arse.” and gave Mycroft an appreciative leer before returning to his call. My brother barely controlled his blush and managed to stay bored looking but I could see he was flattered by the glint in his eye and the way his fingers had tensed momentarily. I curled up on the couch and watched John raptly until my eyes grew heavy. Without meaning to I fell into a light doze.

I woke up with John sitting by my feet reading a book. He didn't even look up, “Lestrade took a picture of you napping and emailed it to the Yard. He said you looked like an angel, one of the disreputable ones. Someone posted it online and it went viral. It's all over the globe. You've been napping for two hours.”

I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that had all been a nightmare and I wasn't going to be waking up to a world filled with people who knew what I looked like while I slept on the sofa in my two day old pajamas and robe. “Lestrade realizes _this means war_ doesn't he, I mean, after the wedding certainly but I am positive that if it can be found CCTV footage of a particular hospital visit can be located and similarly posted.”

John grinned wickedly. “That's my boy. I don't think Greg thought it through and I haven't seen him. They left shortly after you fell asleep. Greg took the picture while I was in the kitchen. He emailed it off even while Mycroft protested. It was too late. It's everywhere. Your fan sites are riddled with it. They've begun using the image in memes already. Some of them are quite clever.”

“ _I have fans?_ I didn't think anyone liked _The Science of Deduction_!” I was pleased.

“No. Nobody likes your website still. Not even you coming back from the dead has earned you any new members. No these are _social networking_ fan pages. They post all kinds of things, anything they think relates to you. If this keeps up they're talking about making our adventures into a TV show. Can you imagine? Who in the world would they get to play you?” John was teasing me.

“Someone in a coma apparently. This world is filled with talent of that caliber.” I retorted dryly. John made me sit up and come to the table.

“I made dinner. Sit tight darling, give me a tic.” John bustled around the kitchen making tea and serving up something baked. I kissed him tenderly when he was finally seated. “Thank you John.”

It was delicious and true to his word John ate two bites for each one of mine. We ate up every bit and John refilled our tea cups before we returned to the sofa. “I called the fellows. They've come up with some contingency plans depending on how things pan out. We can essentially sit back and relax. Mycroft has made his call and asked whoever it is for the favor. It will be granted. Greg has made his calls and thanks to the blunder with your picture he's got his end of things buttoned up. Our wedding should be trouble free.”

“Thank you John.” there wasn't much else I could say but there was something I could do. I took John gently by his hand and led him right to the bedroom. I then made him comfortable and set about breaking my personal record for endurance. He was very appreciative.

At the end John's writhing was almost spastic. His body jerked and thrust. I loved the feel of his hard cock forcing itself deep into my throat. When John could hold back no longer he took my head and shoved it down into his crotch. I hummed appreciatively, absolutely loving it when John lost control of himself. John was shouting something that sounded a lot like my name but slurred and broken. I began to swallow and took in everything he gave me hungrily. _Bliss_.

 


	22. Of thankfulness and other things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last bit of time before The Big Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story begins to unfold with more complexity. I admit to having zero knowledge of political protocols on an international level. I did some very basic research that garnered me enough knowledge to cobble this bit together.
> 
> I've also taken MASSIVE liberties culturally to explain away various things. It's not meant as an insult to anyone so if I've accidentally offended please believe me when I say I did it all for the love of the story. In fact, consider everything Alternate Universe - it's all in my head anyway.
> 
> This story is admittedly long and it's only getting longer. From here on out we will be witnessing the unfurling of the new Sherlock and John.

The next two days disappeared in a blur, we suddenly had no time. John and I were suited up and presented to diplomats hour after hour, all of whom had come specifically to attend our wedding, all of whom had demanded live meetings. We told our story in as few words as possible and told it a multitude of times to all who listened. John had made notes with the idea of blogging the entire ordeal sometime in the future and I used my mind palace to his advantage. Occasionally the odd visitor would have details to contribute if my actions had impacted them in some larger fashion which of course they had. I had derailed criminal enterprises all over the world. The peacekeepers had definitely noticed and now they knew who to thank. They were very insistent.

“Save it for the wedding mates.” protested John half-heartedly when gifts began to arrive. He spoke to all of them like he was talking to the boys at the pub and all of them responded in the same friendly fashion. John was John after all, sturdy, undemanding, comfortable. Everyone liked John instantly. Not liking John was like not liking puppies and kittens, it could happen but it generally meant there was something seriously wrong with you. I was treated with something approaching reverence with a healthy dose of caution. My reputation had preceded me and my actions had only added to the understanding that being polite to me was only prudent.

John and I had just finished meeting with a contingent of diplomats from Eastern Europe and John was typing notes into his new laptop. It had been a gift from a group of scientists from CERN. They were fans of my website and had been since it began. They were almost the only ones who mentioned it but they gave the laptop to John. The desktop picture was a representation of the Higgs-Boson particle which I quite liked. I sipped tea which wasn't nearly as good as what John made but it was one of many gifts we had been given today.

We were in a suite at _The Milestone_. Someone had engaged it simply for our meetings and we'd been using the same room for two days now. Most of the people in question were staying here or at other five star hotels in Town. I paced back and forth, impatient with the repetition and for the first time since the Fall I wanted a cigarette. As soon as I thought of it I went to John. “I'm anxious John. I want to smoke. Rather a lot.”

“Want to go down to the foyer and see if they have any?” John was a continual surprise. I thought he'd give me a lecture about health risks or chide me because I'd done so well up until now but instead he offered to go get me a pack. Indeed he shut his laptop down without another word and just took my hand. “Come on darling. This uppity hotel must have fags.”

I tittered at his awful joke and he smiled sweetly at me. We left the suite and took the elevator down. The hospitality desk directed us to a gift shop and John bought me my first pack of cigarettes in months. He got me a novelty lighter too. It looked like a tiny grenade and I was quite taken with it. John walked me to the park and let me smoke two cigarettes before taking me back to the hotel. I felt dizzy but happy. “ _Why_ John?”

He understood. “Darling you've been so good. You've overcome so much. Your mum is a piece of work. We've been trapped in a small room for days with people we don't know who are incredibly nosy. You haven't insulted even one of them though that one intern did look about to cry. We don't have time to have sex to calm you down and I know you're climbing the walls. Compared to everything else we've done in the last while, backsliding over cigarettes seems pretty minor. Actually, stop.”

John stopped walking and sat us back down at a different bench. He took the packet from my pocket and fished out my grenade lighter. I was stunned when he popped one in his mouth and lit it. Passing it to me he lit a second and joined me for a smoke. He just winked at me and held my hand. “John you are continuous surprise. Next thing you know you'll be giving me marijuana.”

“These taste like shit on a stick. Still, I can see why you like them. I feel calmer. Still, don't get used to it. This is _a treat_ , okay?” I certainly understood and would let him once again take the lead to control my habits. I held my lover's hand and enjoyed exhaling the sweet bitter smoke. We finished our cigarettes and returned to our suite. Another contingent was ushered in. South Africa this time. All of them were very tall and dressed in brilliant robes. Their skin was black as tar and their hands when they shook mine were warm and firm. Their heads dipped in unison as they finished their greetings. All were darkly beautiful and both John and I bowed our heads with respect to their obvious nobility.

“We have something for you. I've been told to wait to gift you at your wedding but this is not from my country.” He handed John and I a small envelope and a jeweler’s box. When I opened the card inside was a photo of a young girl who couldn't have been more than eight. I traced her face fondly. John opened the box an inside were two jeweled tie pins shaped like eyes. We looked up at the man whose name was Naeem. He turned to John and bowed briefly, “My niece. She was stolen from our family. She was to be sold into the sex trade. Virgins are valuable. She was to be given to a sheik. The compound she and other young girls were kept in was raided and she was rescued by a man she said had opal eyes. He was gentle with them and though he was shot he didn't stop until they were all safe. He disappeared. She's a clever girl and made us this.”

We were handed a larger envelope. John opened it and pulled out a childish bur commendable pencil sketch of a man's face. It was me. My hair was longer and still full of curls but my eyes were unmistakable. Naeem bowed low and spoke again. “My brother and sister in law had no hope. No one was interested in seeking missing girls. They are considered unimportant. I'd done what I could but had no way of finding my niece. We were mad with worry. From my niece to you are these gifts. She described what she wanted and I had them made with the purest gold and the finest opals. She blesses your name and asks to be remembered by you.”

“What is her name?” asked John softly. He was very moved, we both had a soft spot for children. We had always taken any case involving youth even if it was just a three.

“She is called Aisha. She is nine now. Her birthday was three weeks ago.” John got up and went to the suitcase he had packed for us. It was filled with various books and paraphernalia he'd found useful for these sessions. He extracted something and came back. He took Naeem's hand and pressed something into it.

“Happy birthday Aisha. From both of us.” _It was my deerstalker. How I loathed that thing. I'd worn it only once but somehow it became an iconic part of my public image. People begged for it on websites, searched for others like it and had opened the market for deerstalker hat producers. Now a sweet little girl who had scary dreams now would clutch it close and be comforted. How very strange the world was!_ Naeem and his entire group bowed low.

His voice was gruff. “You are good men. Worthy men. My niece will be given every opportunity to live her life according to her interests. She has indicated an interest in advanced schooling. Though it is not usual for girls to make this request I will stop at nothing to give her this life. We lost her once and the pain was almost beyond endurance. She will be pleased with her gift.”

They departed, not asking to hear Sherlock's story. We sat there and looked at Aisha's picture. She had sweet brown eyes and a rounded cheery face. Her body was swathed head to toe in vibrant fabrics and she looked happy. I remembered her. “She was just a little bit of a thing and so brave. They all were. They held hands and wouldn't let each other go. We had to climb out a window and they used my body as a ladder to get out. They helped one another then they helped me. I was shot outside. They were in the way and I needed to move them before I killed the men in charge as I had intended. The prostitution was a side business, their real business was armament. I hid in the shanty town to recover.”

John kissed me tenderly and held me tight. He packed away Aisha's gifts carefully and held me for the rest of the hour until our next meeting. “Every day in every way you show me more reasons to love you Sherlock. You are worthy.” I held my brave soldier tight and took comfort in him.

The sessions went on late into the night. We shared lunch with the contingent from Japan. We had tea with the contingent from Australia. We had dinner with the contingent from the USA. We ended our night with a group from France. Finally John bade everyone goodnight and we went home to Baker Street and 221B. I was exhausted. John just stripped us down and we fell into bed tangled together.

The dress rehearsal was a nightmare for me. We weren't actually dressed in our formal clothes but we did practice walking up and down the aisle and went over our shared vows several times, though I didn't really mind that part. We'd toyed with the idea of making our own vows and then decided it seemed silly. We used the common vows available, having long since made our own promises to one another and that was private. That much I understood clearly.

Molly was delightful once again and this time I remembered to compliment her as she arrived. Both John and I made much of her and Mrs. Hudson. They were seated next to Mother Lestrade and were immediately engaged in sharing recipes Mycroft and I particularly enjoyed. Molly was the lucky recipient of both their rather down to earth advice when it came to Mike Stamford. That little corner of the long table was homey and filled with love. Mycroft and Lestrade sat next to John and I at the head of the table and watched them with quiet smiles.

Harry had been successfully abducted and relocated so John was at ease. We'd seen footage of Harry lounging on the beach surrounded by tall drinks and very young women. Mummy had been furious and snipped at us all dinner long from her seat next to Mycroft. She was less than pleased that Mother Lestrade and Mrs. Hudson had been accorded seats that equaled hers in importance. John had lamented that we'd even allowed her that close and for a long moment Mycroft and I had considered settling Mummy at the far end of the table. We'd decided against it when we realized it would be better to manage her manipulations directly.

“Won't your guests wonder where your only family is Doctor Watson?” Mummy finally asked sweetly. She turned to the other guests, “John has a sister you know. The only living relative he has.” John just glanced over to her. Her little comments and heavily veiled insults had not aroused his ire the way she'd hoped. She was abandoning subtlety. John's never-ending good cheer and pleasantness grated against her nerves. His smile was pure sunshine and it rankled her all through the meal. I could see John had turned his charm up to maximum but since I was the main beneficiary and Mummy was aggravated I could not complain. I almost hoped he would try discussing the weather again. That had been annoyingly entertaining.

“I can tell them where to find her if they're dying to know. Still its poor form to tell your wedding guests to go to hell don't you think?” Mummy's mouth pressed into a displeased line when John spoke to her softly but cattily. No one ever spoke to Mummy that way but John seemed to relish it. His gaze was unperturbed and even pleasant. I bit my lip and stared at my plate, amazed once again that John was willing to confront Mummy at all. He was a soldier though and had already braved many things.

“How are we to trust _you_ with Sherlock when you don't even care about your own sister?” Mummy attempted and John burst out laughing, startling everyone else at the table. He stopped speaking quietly.

“Rich! That's rich! Tell me Mrs. ex-Holmes. What year did Sherlock enter boarding school? Do you have any idea? No? What about the year he first almost overdosed because no one gave a shit about him? Need a clue? How about Christmas? What was the last gift you gave your youngest son? Anything? No? What was the first big case he was recognized for? No idea? What about the name of his website. Have you looked at it or even known it was out there? You don't? When he died how hard did you cry at his funeral? Oh, you weren't there, I'd almost forgotten! You didn't go to the funeral of your own son and then you tried to have his name removed from your family after the fact.” John was cold and cutting. I was almost breathless and so was Mycroft. Both of us stared at Mummy while John's questions poured out. Her fingers curled around a butter knife and for one chilling second I wondered if she planned to use it against John.

“Don't you _dare_ presume to dictate to me my knowledge of my own children...” she began with bruised dignity but John cut her off with a snort. The table was filled with dignitaries from every level of government and high society. They all listened, clearly riveted by the unexpected blow-out.

John snarled at her, his voice hard and filled with condemnation, “ _Your own children!_ Oh _dear_. That almost sounds like something someone's mum might say. Quite frankly madam you are the worst mother I've ever encountered. You know nothing about your sons. There are total strangers out in the world who have more personal awareness of Mycroft and Sherlock. Compared to you, the shop girl at our local Tesco is a close friend, she at least remembers to give us our frequent shopper discounts without prompting. I met Sherlock five years ago. In this time I have only met with you twice though I stayed at your family home for nearly two years. The first time you spoke to me was when you tried to sabotage our wedding celebration dinner with my sister. The second time is now. That also means that to my knowledge that in five years Sherlock has also seen you only twice. Shall I recite to our guests your only words to him? Shall I tell them of the warm embrace you shared when you realized your son had returned from the grave? If only I could because nothing of the sort happened. No. Instead you expressed your eternal disappointment in his _table manners_. What does that say about _you_ Mummy Holmes? Mother of the year? Honesty madam I'd rather have anyone at the wedding but you. In fact I can think of two of our mortal enemies I'd give a tongue kiss to before asking them to sit in for you! Tell me because I should very much like to know, what is it exactly that motivates you to despise your youngest son? A madman forced him off a building yet still managed to display more love and warmth towards Sherlock than you have! So tell me madam. What will it take for you to demonstrate some upper class breeding and behave like someone who give a fuck?”

Mummy's chair flew back and crashed loudly to the floor. She was furious. Mummy had lost her temper entirely. She'd kicked back her chair and was actually brandishing her butter knife at John who looked amused. “ _Who are you to speak to me in such a fashion? You were booted out the arm, you despicable, useless, lame little cretin! You… !”_ A gentle cough was heard. The Prime Minister was in attendance and Mummy looked chagrined for the first time ever. John's lecture had made her entirely forget our prestigious guests. John was calm and he looked Mummy right in the eyes as she came to her senses. A soft gasp of horror escaped her perfectly painted mouth and he smiled his little smile. Everyone stared hard at Mummy with varying expressions of shock and revulsion.

“ _Captain_ John Hamish Watson was discharged from Her Royal Majesties Army Medical Corp with _highest_ honors after he lost use of his arm in a firefight. He saved six soldiers on that mission by placing himself between them and a sniper. He nearly bled out of the sands of Afghanistan still providing medical aide until he couldn't move anymore. The last man he saved was my cousin, Benedict. Ben still has the bullet that should have ended his life except that John Watson pulled it from his body with his bare hands before collapsing of his own wounds. An entire section of the War Memorial Wall is filled with bricks naming Doctor Watson as their savior. The soldiers sing his praises. _Shame_ madam. _You shame our country_.” The Prime Minister helped his wife from her chair and with one last disappointed look they departed.

That began the tidal wave of silent departures. John and Mummy stared at each other from either side of the long table as dignitary after dignitary departed without a word. Finally Greg and Mycroft stood. When my brother tapped me softly on the shoulder I took John's hand tenderly. “Come John. Let's go home.”

John smiled at me lovingly, his temper entirely intact. Mummy may as well not have remained in the room for all the notice John took of her now. He patted my hand and gave me a kiss on the cheek, “Alright Sherlock. Let's head out my love.” Mrs. Hudson was there so John and I took an arm each and escorted her to our car. Greg led his mother and Mycroft escorted Molly with equal gentleness. Mummy was left standing alone, butter knife still in hand.

“Oh my dear boys. What a turn-up. We need tea and biscuits!” Mrs. Hudson fretted and we both kissed her. _She was our mother, the true mother of our single heart. I was glad she had been there. She was a real lady and bit back all the things she clearly had wanted to say. She'd show her concern through food. Every problem could be solved with tea. She and John believed that firmly. Since I was again the major beneficiary of their faith I had to agree_.

We got home to Baker Street and had tea with Mrs. Hudson. She brought out biscuits and even dug out a rum cake. My favorite! “Big slice Sherlock. You're still so dreadfully thin. John, have one too, just one mind you, never mind what Sherlock's agreement was. You'll get ill if you eat too much at one go.”

 _Dear old Mrs. Hudson. Loving. Caring. Devoted. Understanding. Forgiving. Apart from the single slap I'd received she hadn't said a word about my being gone other than telling me how sad John had been and that she'd tried so hard to help him. She was one of the few people he'd responded to but after the first year even she made no dent in the melancholy that almost swallowed him whole. Now look at us. Sitting together around her ratty table eating rum cake and holding hands_. John nudged me and I looked at him. He nodded and I smiled happily. Finally.

“Mrs. Hudson. Though it's traditional for people to give newlyweds gifts John and I actually have a gift for you. It would please us greatly if you would accept it. We love you dearly and hope you like what we've chosen.” John dug into the deep pocket of 221 for a fat manila envelope. He took my hand and together we offered it to her.

“Boys?” she said, obviously confused. “Oh dear. I don't need anything, you know that. I'm perfectly happy just having you home and making a racket again. It's been ever so quiet. You shouldn't have.”

John just smiled his sweet smile at her. She stopped talking and peeled the envelope open, extracting the sheaf of paper within. She read the cover letter and stopped moving. There was silence for a minute then I saw tears running down her face. Her narrow shoulders shook and then we were being hugged tightly. “We couldn't think of anyone who deserved it more. This was Sherlock's idea but Mycroft helped. Do you like it Mrs. Hudson?”

“You bought me a building. _A whole building_. In London! Oh! Oh my boys. _Oh!_ ” she couldn't talk. She pulled out one of her million lace handkerchiefs and cried moistly into it for another long minute. John filled her tea cup and she sipped it until she was in control of herself again. She looked up at us. “Thank you boys. Of course this doesn't mean I'm your housekeeper.”

“Never have been Mrs. Hudson. Never have been.” I said softly. _She was so much more than that. She was comfort and love and soggy perfumed lace_. We kissed her again and excused ourselves. Tomorrow would be another busy day. The tailors were coming early with our suits. We had appointments with stylists. We had diplomats to still meet. There was much to deal with.

John and I hung away our bespoke suits and climbed into our pajamas. Our bed was cold but we cuddled together, my head on John's good shoulder as he petted my now much longer hair. “John. Thank you for going off on Mummy. I've never seen anyone do that. I was amazed at the things you said. I've never felt so loved before. I've never seen her lose her temper like that.”

John chuckled easily and squeezed my arm a bit. “She has nothing to threaten me with therefore I had nothing to lose by having a bit of fun. What did she think she was going to do with a silver butter knife? Unless I'm secretly a werewolf in disguise the worst that would have happened was her giving me a right good poking. ”

I had to laugh at the image of Mummy poking John angrily with her butter knife. The whole evening seemed unreal. John was continually surprising, his unassuming demeanor once again leading his foe astray. My marvelous doctor. “I didn't know you'd saved the Prime Minister's cousin.”

“Me either. Benedict was a good kid. He looked a lot like you actually now that I think about it except he was ginger. He was always full of laughs, always interested in the next adventure. Fairly bookish too. Big fan of Stephen Hawking.” John always remembered things about people and they remembered things about John. “That reminds me.”

John got out of bed and dug in our dresser. He pulled out another small jeweler’s box. He took me into his arms so I was resting against his chest. Pressing a kiss to my temple he fitted his face next to mine so we were both looking at it directly. He flicked the box open. Inside was a bullet on a chain. “This was it. This was the bullet that nearly ended me when it punched through my shoulder. It was caught in my scapula. The surgeon dug it out and stuck it in my pocket before I shipped home.” John took the chain out and slipped it over my head. The bullet hung low, close to my heart. “This was the bullet that brought me to you. I'll never be a surgeon again but that's alright because I'll be your John instead and I couldn't want anything more than I want that.”

“Oh! Oh John. I don't know what to say. I have nothing to give you....” _This was valuable. This meant something significant to John. I had nothing of commensurate value to offer_. John turned my face and kissed me silent. His hands stroked over me lovingly and he gathered me into a tight embrace.

“The day you came back, that was your gift. I asked for that every chance I could. When I was still in the world I'd visit your grave and beg you to return to me and you did. I will never be ungrateful. I was meant to be with you and we are together. I don't need a thing more.” John turned me so I was resting on his shoulder, the bullet now hanging off me and laying on his skin. “I've loved you for so long Sherlock. You've battled all over the world to keep me safe. The very least I can do is return the favor. People like you mum don't trouble me. It hurts to know that she doesn't care for you but I want you to always remember that I do care. I care with my entire being. Your life is my life, literally. Everything that I've ever experienced was just a build-up to where we are now, some way of learning what I needed to know to be a good husband to you and I want to be a good husband.”

I shifted and looked at John. “I don't deserve you. I'm awful. I've lied to you so many times in the past. I've left you to suffer alone. I've abandoned you over and over again. I'm barely functional as a person. I abrade everyone I've ever contacted with. No one has ever been able to live with me because I'm so tempestuous. I think everyone is stupid. I'm a drug addict and completely dysfunctional. I've done nothing of value except try to clean up the messes I've made to begin with. I'm not worth _John Watson's_ time.”

John just pecked me on the cheek and made himself more comfortable. “Flirting with me by naming off all your qualities can't make me love you any more Sherlock. I'm loving you at full capacity already. I've told you before you are exceptional. You aren't like anyone else in the world. I know better than anyone alive what your faults are. I've dealt with them for a long time and not one of them has stopped me from falling head over heels in love with you. Even at the absolute worst moments, the ones where I was near death either by the hands of our enemies or from my own broken heart, not once did my love for you falter. Loving you is my whole reason for being and no matter how much it has hurt me, damaged me, or even ruined me I can't stop. I don't want to stop. I have you now and I'm never letting go. You're stuck with me. One more day and I take legal ownership of you. Good luck getting rid of me then.”

I wrapped my arms around John and hugged him so hard he grunted. “You are too good for someone like me John. I shan't ever forget that.”

“Please. You're willing to marry that gorgeous mind to a scarred, broken old man with no career or prospects. I make tea. That's what I do. _You're marrying me for tea_. Think about _that_.” John was happy sounding as he joked me out of my mood.

“Don't forget your ugly jumpers. You have so very many. They are clearly like aphrodisiacs to me.” He giggled the way I loved him to and we felt our eyes getting heavy.

“Yes. I've wooed you with the hideousness of my jumpers. That's a winning move right there. I'm a cracker at reheating leftovers too. A catch. I keep telling you.” now I giggled as he teased me.

I had to confess, “I stole one of your jumpers while I was on the run. The oatmeal one I got you to replace the one I experimented on. You wore it all the time. I lost it somewhere in South America. I love your jumpers.” I said sleepily.

“I wondered where that one had gone. I looked for a bit but it didn't seem very important at the time. I should have wondered more.” John sounded drowsy.

“I left you my scarf though.” I was almost asleep.

“I wore it all the time. It comforted me.” John was nearly out.

“I love you John.” there was no answer. I listened to his soft snore then followed my Captain into slumber.


	23. The Day Before The Big Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day before the wedding. Sherlock's darkest thoughts are triggered by a single look from Lestrade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People get huffy when their cultures are misrepresented so apart from naming one name I tried not to get too detailed. Forgive me if you think I've gone too far but how could I resist. The deity so named was too perfect to pass up. It all plays together in the long game so bear with me if you made it this far.
> 
> It's all still in my head though if that helps anyone.

The next day began very early with a call from Mycroft. We had more appointments all day long, our wedding clothes were being delivered very soon, he was calling to ensure we'd be awake in time for breakfast and lots of tea before the fabric storm hit. The minor government official was excited, having spent his entire life just waiting for a day like this, Mycroft was in heaven. John grumbled the entire time I was on the phone with my brother. When I hung up he dragged me closer and lay his head on my lap. “I slept in. I wanted to make love to you this morning. Now we won't have time.”

I caressed his back and ran my fingers through his hair. “Later darling. We have all the time in the world. Come on John, our day is beginning without us.” John kissed my thigh and pushed himself up to follow me into the bathroom. After our shower we went downstairs and managed to have most of our breakfast before the tailors arrived.

With assistants in tow our living room was rearranged to make space for the full length mirrors, the plinth, extra lamps and after an hour, a waxing table. While John was being checked one final time I was laid out nude while a very chatty woman waxed me smooth. “Like a baby's bottom luv, your man will love it.” Her accent was broad Cockney but she had a merry wink and a gentle hand. When she was done there I was completely bare from the neck down.

One robe later and estheticians arrived. Both John and I were seated in the kitchen to have our hands and fingers done. Mycroft's idea but I didn't hate it. Even John seemed to enjoy the unusual pampering. “Never really thought about my feet. Would never occurred to me to do this. Not half bad though, what you think Sherlock?”

“I think we can add this to our date night ritual.” I said. I was interested in the techniques being displayed and the various products they used. My mind began cataloging all the different crimes that could be perpetuated using the assorted utensils and liquids. Before too long we had soft pink feet and perfectly smooth fingers. Happily diverted the rest of our morning was used with last minute adjustments of our clothes and instructions on how to dress.

We were expected for lunch at _The Milestone_. Our wardrobe was freshly packed with our new selection of bespoke suits. John shook his head, “Never in my life did I ever expect to own a single bespoke suit. Now I have one for every possible occasion.”

“Well you are marrying into money and influence. Think of this as your disguise, this is for infiltration of foreign territory, you are charming and very handsome, a double-oh if I ever saw one.” John just grinned at me both pleased with the compliment and impressed with my recollection of otherwise useless trivia. _He loved those films. We'd watched every one there was_.

“You really can be a sweet talker when you want to be.” said John before giving me a loving kiss. I smiled down at my brave soldier. We dressed quickly, buttoning each other's buttons and tying each other's tie. We'd chosen dark gray suits for today. Both cuts were different to suit our very different physiques but they were similar enough to seem the same design. I found I enjoyed matching with John and he indulged me. I tucked his bullet safely under my shirt and was comforted by the hard coolness of the metal.

“I speak only the truth with you. It's your own fault if it comes out sweet because that's what you are.” I kissed his blush and led him from Baker Street. Our car was waiting and slid smoothly into traffic. It didn't take long to get to _The Milestone_ and soon we were lunching with a group of diplomats from Japan. They were incredibly formal but once John began making small jokes they warmed up and lunch became entertaining. _Wonderful magical John_.

The rest of the day was the same, we met group after group, Mycroft and Greg popped in for brief moments but had meetings of their own. We told our story over and over again, receiving many thoughtful looks and words of thanks. Tea was arranged with various representatives from India. John once again eased the way to enjoyable conversation and enjoyment of the meal. He was gracious and engaging. I was so proud.

“Mr. Holmes, does your Doctor Watson do all the speaking for you?” one young man was brash and his gentle elders just smiled fondly at him. I looked at him and saw a bright inquiring mind trying to escape the confines of his very didactic world.

“Doctor Watson's ability to keep me from offending world leaders is not to be taken lightly. I have a terrible habit of saying everything that comes to mind. Diplomacy is not really my area and I'd rather not get hauled off to the Tower the day before my wedding.” the young man laughed. I looked at him again. “I know you. You were in Jaipur. A group of technicians being forced to maintain the money laundering component of the local weapons smugglers.

He nodded and they all looked very impressed. “I was one of the people you freed Mr. Holmes. I begged my elders to be allowed this chance to thank you in person. Though we harmed no one directly it was very difficult to accept the karma of wiping the traces of blood from the money we relocated. You allowed us to cease. You sent our masters on to their next life. Shiva has touched you and named you son.”

One of the older men looked at Sherlock carefully. “There is an old sect. Their society is secret yet whispers and rumors are always to be found. There was talk of a rogue devotee, one who excelled at the secret arts but vanished without a trace. Shortly after these whispers came a shout of celebration as one villain after another was felled mysteriously. A ghost was seen by those close to the newly deceased. A dark angel with eyes of fire. His presence meant only death for those he had marked. Our people worship their new god.” Once again a mysterious gift was given. We had been receiving them all day. This was a length of soft corded rope. It was smooth and strong. John reached out and took it from me. Deftly he wound it around his own wrist like a bracelet. The men smiled gently at him and as they departed they said. “Shiva bless her son and his love.”

Visit after visit was the same. We were told dark stories of how the people had seen me, how I'd come to them like an avenging angel, a gaunt wild-eyed demon that hurt only the worst of people and saved the innocent. _I didn't remember my time that way but then I was insane a lot of the time, driven to complete my task, moving endlessly. I focused only on my targets, helping their victims wasn't exactly a priority, it was just what happened as a result_. I was gifted with special weapons, ancient artifacts, and items of scientific value, curiosities, and even jewelry.

During a small break between tea and dinner John unwound the cord. “So, assassin training? This will come in handy later on.” I watched as he twisted the cord with his nimble surgeon’s hands. He made me extend my arms and in a trice I was bound tightly. John leaned in and kissed me languorously. My heartbeat accelerated and for a hungry minute my mind blanked out entirely. John kissed me before examining the result of his attentions. He was satisfied. “Very handy indeed. Later my love.”

 _My Captain. What delights awaited me in my new life with him?_ He untied me and rewound the cord about his wrist. “They used garroting cords. It was a favored technique. It's a symbolic gift given to graduates of the training. I suppose I missed the convocation.” John giggled and I laughed with him. _He'd known! He knew what the cord meant and he still intended to include it in our bed play_. My heart raced again and I managed to get in one more loving kiss before our next guests arrived.

Dinner included Mycroft and Greg. I was relieved. Mycroft was in his element here and I gratefully allowed him to soak up all the attention. Greg slouched beside him, refusing to cave to convention for anyone. His bespoke suit was on the verge of rumpling but Mycroft just smile affectionately at his DI. John engaged in conversations with those closest to him and I was content to hold his hand and observe everyone. We heard more stories about my effect on various criminal organizations. Greg was interested.

“He can't even find his way around the grocery store!” Greg said flatly at one point and Mycroft actually laughed. “Well it's true! One time John sent him to get milk, Sherlock called me at home to ask me what all the different labels meant, and which one I recalled John having bought before.”

“Well luckily for everyone my success was not constrained by my ability to recognize milk brands.” Greg laughed genially and the conversations resumed. I smiled and rolled my eyes but didn't try to defend myself further.

“Mr. Lestrade, our people called him _Death's Apprentice_. He killed those who should have been beyond the reach of anyone, vile people buried deep within their heavily protected compounds. Some of the deaths still cannot be explained.” the delegate had spoken with admiration but Greg looked at me thoughtfully and I knew he was remembering Sally Donovan's prediction and everything I'd told him when he had first learned I was alive. His expression was considering. My eyes fell to my hands and suddenly I felt shame.

“ _Don't_ Greg. Just fucking _don't_.” John had caught both Greg's look and my reaction. He was furious instantly. “Don't ever think that. _Never_ imply it. _Never_ bring it up. _This_ isn't _that_ and you damn well know it. Don't let him think that, not ever do you hear me? _Not ever_. He did what no one else could, he barely survived, and may I remind you he did it for _you_ as well as for me. There were only three names on that list and Mycroft's wasn't one of them.”

Greg reached right over and patted my hand apologetically. “Sherlock. Thank you. Really. Thank you.” _I felt cold inside and looked at my hands steadily. I didn't want to see anyone else's thoughts on their faces. My fingers were cold too, still skeletal after my ordeal_.

“Have we missed something?” asked one of our guests. They sounded a bit concerned. John looked at them and frowned at Lestrade. _My hands seemed so pale. I suppose they would be. I was very pale after all. Bone white_.

“No. A persistent rumor that follows Sherlock. He is not well understood. Envy grows. It means nothing now.” they let it drop gracefully but I kept looking at my hands. _There was blood on them. These hands that had spent their life experimenting and learning. These hands that caressed John and played my violin. These killing things. There was blood and it would never wash away_.

The last of the guests left and John turned on Greg, nearly snarling with outrage, “Thanks a fucking lot Lestrade! Look what you've done! Bastard! He was so happy before. Why don't you take Mycroft and just leave. You've done enough for one day.” John tried to get me to look at him but I couldn't stop looking at my hands.

“John...” Mycroft began to try to smooth things but Greg stopped him with a touch. I stood there woodenly, unable to look around. I kept staring at my hands.

Greg turned me to him and made me look up, “No babe, John's right. I fucked up tonight. Sherlock. Sally's full of shit. What you did and what she likes to think about you aren't the same thing at all. I never should have let the thought even cross my mind. You're a good person, a better person than you should have been. You did a lot of terrible things but you did them because you cared and that makes Sally wrong. Completely wrong. You have a heart. I've always known it. I'm sorry lad.”

“Thank you Greg.” I said and my eyes dropped again. His words helped but didn't change the facts and you couldn't argue with facts. I didn't want to talk. I turned away and let them leave. John just took my waist and held me to him _. I was unbending. I was cold inside and I couldn't stop thinking of my hands. My wonderfully smooth and entirely lethal hands. How much blood had they spilled? I wondered if I could calculate exactly how much_.

“Come here darling. Look at me.” I looked into John's beautiful blues eyes and drowned in the love I saw there. He kissed me so softly at first, our eyes still open. I felt his hand at my neck and he pulled me down for a deep kiss that devoured me and left me reeling. He kissed me softly again, his lips barely touching mine. He rested his hand against my jaw, his thumb stroking my cheekbone with aching tenderness. He spoke so gently and shone his light onto my darkness, “You've killed. I've killed. We're killers. We're both mad as hatters as well. We could run through London and leave a trail of bodies a mile wide and no one could halt us. No one could catch us. We'd be unstoppable. No one in this world could be better at it than you and I combined. We choose not to. _We choose_ Sherlock. We have better things to do don't you think? That duty is finished now.”

“Oh John!” I fell apart then and cried. _I didn't know I had such capacity for tears. It was as if the long dry years since my childhood had been saved up for my rebirth into life with John_. We were sitting on the edge of the settee now. I didn't want to be here in this room. John gripped me almost painfully tight. My body was wracked with sobs. _I couldn't help but recollect all the bodies. I'd never forgotten. I just hadn't allowed myself to dwell on it. Transport. It was all so messy_. I stuttered out descriptions, ways I had done it, the different things I'd had to do. It all poured out and John nearly squeezed me in two as my mind struggled with itself. “John I had no choice. I had no choice. You would have died and that would have been it. They were like dominoes. When one fell another needed to go and another or it would all have been for nothing and you would have died anyway. I had no time! I had to go and keep going. I needed to get back to you but there was always one more tile to rock, one more threat to neutralize. I shut myself down harder than I'd ever done before. Oh John! I needed you so badly. I couldn't think without you there. The world was out of focus and there was so much of it. I had to learn things so I could do what I needed and I needed you to keep me from falling but you couldn't be there and I can't.....I can't.....I can't. _There was so much blood John!_ My hands! John! John. John. John. John. John. John. John.”

He let me chant his name numbly, rocking us back and forth. I let the tears flow until they stopped all on their own and with one last sigh I was limp in John's arms and finally silent. “John?” I asked and I felt him nod. _He always understood_.

“We'll go home darling. Come, on with your jacket.” He helped me up, helped me blow my nose and wiped my face with a damp flannel from the bathroom. He took my hand and led me unresisting from the suit and back to Baker Street.

That night we slept naked and tangled together, our foreheads pressed tight and our mouths almost touching. Our hands pressed over each other's hearts and I dreamed of nothing all night long. I was wrapped up in the scent and feel of John and I was home.

 


	24. Until the end of forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The big day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a lot of things happening here. All of it is meant in the spirit of love and respect. I don't know if half the things I let happen in my story could ever happen in real life. I'm certain there's all kinds of steps I've missed but once again because it's all in my head it will all be okay.

I awoke early, our alarm was set for our big day, I switched it off instead. I looked at John. He was sleeping hard, his hair all tousled and strange looking. His face was planted in his pillow and he rumbled in his sleep. I was entranced. I reached out and savored the feel of his skin. It was rough satin and honeyed cream. I leaned over slowly and skimmed over his shoulders, my nose almost touching him as I absorbed every particle of John I could, the scent of him permanently etched in the foundations of my mind palace. Pressing my lips tenderly against his skin I tasted John everywhere. I kissed my way over his back and ran my fingers lightly over the backs of his legs. A sleep hoarse voice whispered, “I hope you're serious about this darling. I'd hate to be teased and left hanging on my special day.” _Well, since he was awake_.

I knelt behind John, leaning forward to taste him deeply. His soft moan was delightful and I bent myself to my task. Soon I was slicking myself up and pressing into his tight entrance. “John!” I gasped as I buried myself. _He was always so hot. Satin turned to velvet_. The tightness of him swallowed me up. I rocked gently at first but John began to rear back. Pleasure shot through me and climbed at an alarming rate. I wasn't going to last. I gripped John's hips tight, trying to slow him but he wouldn't stop. He knew perfectly well how to override what little control I had. Deliberately he took control beneath me and somehow rolled his hips as he thrust back hard one last time. With a desperate moan I emptied myself into him, shuddering all over as the world lost definition. When I was able to sort my senses out I was being tipped from John's back and mounted from behind.

Weakly I spread my legs wide and felt John's fingers prepare me. Soon he was pushing himself in. He thrust slowly at first, deliberately deepening each thrust until I was pliant. He set himself over me and began to drill down hard and fast. “Your arse. Is. So. Lush! So. Fucking. Good. Sherlock! Fuck yes. Look at my cock deep in you. We're getting married today darling. Your cum is in me and mine will be in you. Mine Sherlock. You are fucking mine!” With a broken grunt he filled me with himself. His breath was hot on my neck as he draped himself over my back to catch his breath. I felt soft kisses on my skin and down my spine as he lifted himself away. “I love you so much Sherlock Holmes. Soon the world will know how much.”

I twisted around so we could hold one another tight. I kissed his face all over and nuzzled into his neck. “I love you John Watson. Today I joyfully unite myself with you. You are the greatest adventure I've ever had and it's nowhere near over.”

“You'll be a beautiful bride.” he teased as we got out of bed. We nudged and elbowed each other as we used the bathroom. The shower was fast but full of kisses. We brushed our teeth and donned our robes. Just as we got downstairs there was a knock at the door. “Boys are you up yet?” Molly.

I let her in while John made tea and breakfast. “I'll be downstairs with Mrs. Hudson. All my things are there so I'll meet you right back here in two hours alright? We're getting our hair done. Mrs. Hudson is under already.” Having money was very useful. We had personal care right here in Baker Street today.

“Alright Molly. We'll be ready. I promise.” she gave me a kiss on the cheek and one for John as well. The door closed behind her for only a moment before there was another tap at the door. Our dresser, Martin.

“Ta mate. Sit yourself down and have some tea. We're not done with breakfast yet.” John handed the man a cup of tea and settled him on the sofa. John seated me at the table and made us a cheesy omelet with toast and bacon. We tucked in quickly and dumped the dishes in the sink. Soon we were seated in our chairs with hot damp towels on our face. Martin shaved us both smooth and tidied our hair neatly.

We were dressed in our wedding clothes in stages. It took a while to get everything arranged just right but eventually we were properly together. John looked stunning. I was almost breathless when I took in the creamy color and texture of his suit. His tie was the same color as my eyes. Someone had embroidered splashes of amber to mimic the flecks of colors in my irises. My tie was the color of his eyes. Our ties were pinned with Aisha's Opals. I was moved when John suggested it. My bullet necklace was securely placed around my neck and tucked under my shirt before our silk ties were knotted.

John stared at me. “You are a _vision_ Sherlock. I mean. You're always gorgeous but you are literally radiant right now. The light glows around you. I'm a lucky man.” This was from a man who looked like a walking beam of sunlight.

“You make me glow John. You shine so bright. You light up dark places. You make everything better.” John's face blushed charmingly as I adored him. I felt deliciously light and filled with quiet joy. We stepped close together and as one we removed the silver engagement rings from our hands. With a cheeky grin John tucked them into the eye sockets of our mantle skull. I offered him my arm and with another grin we left 221B.

Mrs. Hudson had to visibly restrain herself from crushing us in a hug. She settled for patting our hands over and over again. Her hair was swept back and elegant. “You look enchanting Mrs. Hudson.” I complimented her. She and Molly both had on long sumptuous dresses complete with gloves. Mrs. Hudson was professionally made up and she looked like a grand dame from classic film. Molly was very fetching in her modestly immodest dress. They had done something to her hair so it was a mess of curls but still tidy. She had a small clutch bag and looked up at me. “They're there. I checked. Twice.” I smiled at her and she reached out to pat my hand too. “You look very handsome Sherlock. You too John. Congratulations to you both. I won't have a chance to say so later.”

A few minutes later we were in the car. As we pulled away Molly pinned our wreaths to our lapels. “My hands are shaking. I'm not the one getting married but I'm so nervous.” She did a careful job though and we thanked her again. John and I sat carefully holding hands, both of us calm. We had no reason to be nervous. We were as good as married already. Today was for everyone else. I could never be nervous if I was with John.

We pulled into St Bart's. “Who would have thought someone would want to get married in a morgue?” tutted Mrs. Hudson. John and I grinned at each other and got out of the car. Our secret wedding. I didn't feel bad. I knew that Greg and Mycroft had also slipped away for their own private ceremony. The show we were putting on later was for everyone else. This was for us. The nurses had decorated the room with artfully draped hospital gowns and fairy lights. A JP waited for us. Molly took our hands and led us to him, standing to one side with Mrs. Hudson as John and I pledged ourselves to one another. “This is the room where we first met, where we spoke our first words, where we shared our first unspoken conversation. We both became better men that day John. I will cherish you forever.”

“This is the room where I met my best friend, where I discovered someone I could have faith in, that I could feel awe for, and that I could follow with pride. You are my miracle Sherlock. I will cherish you forever.” Our kiss was simple and sweet. John’s eyes were tight with tears and I felt mine slip down my cheek. We turned to the registrar and signed.

“You are now bound in civil union.” he declared with a smile. John and I kissed again while Molly and Mrs. Hudson signed as witnesses.

“This way Mr. Watson-Holmes.” said John proudly as he escorted me from the morgue.

“After you Mr. Watson-Holmes.” I said with equal pride as I opened the door for all of us. Mrs. Hudson and Molly laughed happily and followed us back to the car.

The crowd at St Paul's Cathedral was deafening. We drove to the private entrance and disembarked between two rows of officers who held back the crowds. There were thousands of people there and we were cheered enthusiastically. John waved and they went wild. We went inside and joined Mycroft and Greg. “So?” asked John knowingly and Greg barked out a laugh.

“The Diogenes Club – the Visitors Room. Don't ask.” Greg's smirk told me even more than the highly restrained expression on Mycroft's face. “You?”

“The morgue at St Bart's.” said John with a grin. Mycroft rolled his eyes and I laughed with Greg.

“Of course. Perfect actually. Good on you John, Sherlock. Well John. Shall we?” Greg went over and kissed Mycroft hard enough to make the plump man flush deeply. For a minute Mycroft looked completely defenseless and Greg stroked his cheek. “I'll be waiting for you babe. Don't make me wait forever.” Clearly this was something special between them because Mycroft's eyes became mirthful.

“Right behind you Gregory. Won't be a moment.” then Greg laughed and strode away.

I looked down at John. _This was the hardest part for us. He'd have to leave with Greg and wait for me. This was the first time since we had been reunited that we would be apart. Nine minutes. That's how long it would take_. John pulled me down and kissed me passionately. It was deep and hungry. We took in one another as much as we could to sustain us then broke apart. No words were necessary and I watched him walk away until I couldn't see him anymore.

Molly appeared and she stood right in front of me, gripping my fingers tight. My anxiety soared and it was hard to breathe. _I needed John!_ I focused on our hands and together we recited the periodic table. Mycroft joined in after a moment and I calmed. Finally we heard the music begin and I heaved a ragged sigh of relief. Mycroft touched my fingers gently with his and I pressed back softly. Molly stood between us and we took her arms. _I was going towards John and I was so happy_. A real smile was on my face as Molly walked the Holmes brothers down the aisle.

The cathedral was packed. I didn't pay attention. None of them mattered. Only John. I caught sight of him quickly and fixed my eyes on his. _He was smiling. He was standing tall and proud. He looked divine and star-struck_. Sounds melted away and all I could hear was my heartbeat. Molly slipped away and my hand was in John's. We stood together beside Mycroft and Greg. Greg and John said their vows at the same time, both men speaking in clear strong voices. When it was our turn Mycroft and I managed to sound elegant and almost musical as our precise phrasing and enunciation allowed each syllable to ring clearly. We turned to our partners and held hands while our commitments were spoken. Molly was there and both Greg and John held out their hands, palm up. Mycroft and I reached out our left hands and allowed our lovers to slip on our wedding bands. More words were spoken and the John's hand was in mine and I was pushing a heavy golden ring onto his finger. Inside the rings were scribed identical words, our dedications. _In aeternum_.

The man called out. “May I present Misters Gregory and Mycroft Lestrade-Holmes! May I present Misters John and Sherlock Watson-Holmes!” the cathedral rang with applause. We kissed each other chastely and exchanged embraces with Greg and Mycroft. We turned and faced the benches, all of which were crowded from end to end.

Mrs. Hudson was dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief that was so lacy I wondered if it was absorbent at all. Molly was beaming at us next to Mike who looked dapper in his bespoke suit. John's and Greg's side of the cathedral was packed with soldiers and Yarders. The Holmes side were jammed with relatives and diplomats. Mummy was in the front row looking poisonous but outwardly smiling graciously. She couldn't afford to make a scene here. It was far too public but then, I doubted she would let that stop her. She was wearing black after all. I wondered how she would ruin the reception instead but John just kissed me soundly, taking me by surprise but thrilling everyone who watched me turn pink. All thoughts of Mummy fled entirely.

John took my arm firmly in his and we walked slowly back down the aisle, allowing everyone to view us as we strolled. We got a standing ovation and I was so surprised to hear my name and Mycroft's being chanted outside the church. When we got to the outer steps all four of us simply stood there. People were singing out our names in an ongoing roar of appreciation. I smiled at the crowd and was cheered. Mycroft did a little wave and everyone waved back. I couldn't help myself and bent John back for a hard kiss and the crowd went insane. People hugged each other gleefully and kissed one another. They shared our happiness. I realized Mycroft had done the same to Greg and that both Greg and John were completely undone by our attentions. It was very satisfying.

Someone called for a speech and soon the massive crowd was begging for it. Mycroft turned to me and raised an eyebrow. He shot at look at the crowd and I observed. They were carrying signs and wearing tee-shirts. The signs were all variations of the words “I believe in Sherlock Holmes” and many people were wearing shirts printed with the picture of me sleeping on the couch with the words “ _Property of John Watson – if found please return – do not feed_ ” I had to have one, and made a mental note to get my own John shirt as soon as possible.

I raised a hand and silence fell abruptly. “I thank you all for coming out today to share in my happiest of days. As many of you are aware I have been _technically_ dead for three years. Luckily for John that is not permanently the case.” I got a titter from the crowd. I paused then continued. “Most of you are not fully informed of what I've been up to but the _only_ important part of that story is that I love John Watson to the exclusion of anything else and that today is the day I've battled for since the moment we met. I am very pleased to introduce you to my husband, Doctor John Hamish Watson-Holmes.”

The shouts of congratulations were deafening. John waved merrily at everyone and everyone waved happily back. He stepped forward and another hush fell. “Thanks for that. As you well know Sherlock dying on me was a bit _not good_. Happily my mad scientist got over that and came back home, and that was a treat, let me tell you. For all that time while he was gone I have to thank his older brother Mycroft and his partner Greg Lestrade for keeping me going. None of us had any idea that we'd all be standing here today, all finally married, all finally together. Please give some thanks to my new brothers, Mycroft and Gregory Lestrade-Holmes.”

Mycroft and Greg smiled at the crowd. The shouting became deafening again but not so loud that I couldn't hear Mummy say, “Vulgar.” in her soft displeased voice. Greg actually turned and smirked at her then waved the crowd quiet so Mycroft could speak.

“Almost ten years ago circumstances enabled me to meet someone unexpected. Far out of my realm of experience I met a man who all on his own showed concern and care for my brother and I. He asked nothing and gave everything on more occasions that I could ever recall. As time passed I realized that I had met a singular someone, an individual who lived a life so uncomplicated that I had a hard time understanding it. When I lost my only brother three years ago, that singular person gave me the strength to keep moving forward. Much like my _very alive_ little brother I have learned that I love Gregory to the exclusion of absolutely everything in the world. I am very pleased to introduce him as my partner in life, and in love.”

Mycroft earned a large romantic _ooh_ from the audience and a rousing applause for Greg who now stood forward. “The Holmes brothers fell into my life like a bomb going off. They caused me no end of grief, no small amount of sleepless nights, and more heartache than anyone should be expected to endure. What I learned though is that they are the two most brilliant people I've ever encountered, between them are universes of thought and understanding that mere mortals like myself can barely comprehend. They are complicated, difficult, maddening and I couldn't love them more. That Sherlock met John was a miracle. That John survived Sherlock's long absence was a miracle. That we stand wedded before you right now is a miracle. Every scrap of pain, every moment of anguish, each and every wound suffered are things I would endure a thousand times over for these two individuals. Today I've made Mycroft mine so hands off you lot. Find your own genius.”

Greg winked saucily and got a roar of approval and laughter. There was more than one teary face as people listened to our love-filled proclamations. John's friends descended to the ground and a corridor opened up between us and our car. A Sargent shouted out and suddenly there were weapons drawn and a completely deadly human arch guided us down the stairs and away. As we walked the men called out their congratulations softly. Most knew John by name and Mycroft as well. I almost couldn't walk because I was floating so high I could not feel my feet on the ground.

We arrived at Buckingham palace in high style. When we emerged from our cars thunderous cheers echoed up and down the streets leading to the palace. Tens of thousands of people had turned out. We waited on the plaza surrounded by another company of men in suits who kept the crowds at bay while the car delivering the rest of our family slid into place. We helped Mrs. Hudson and Molly out, leaving Greg and Mycroft to assist Mother Lestrade and Mummy.

The walls and gates were covered in tiny Union Jacks and little blue scarves. Mummy was clearly taken aback by the obvious fame of Mycroft and myself. Although there were many supporters sporting signs and tee-shirts about John and I there were just as many Union Jacks and signs declaring their devotion to Mycroft from every section of London society. Mummy was sickened by it and tried not to see.

We were ushered in slowly and made our way to the elaborate banquet set out on the lawns. The palace sprawled out elegantly behind us and the cheers of the crowds faded as we entered the sanctum of the property. As we walked between the endless lines of military personnel we received many whispered calls of “John!” He remembered all of them, called back their names softly and kept walking.

“I'm so very proud of you John.” I whispered as we made our way to the head table. I was notoriously famous and people wanted to be associated with me because of that. John was famous but only because he'd helped so very many people and they were grateful and wanted others to know. I was so unworthy of him but he loved me and I was so proud. “Thank you for today.”

I received a warm and loving grin, “Thank _you_ Sherlock. I'm the happiest man alive. I'm proud of you too love.”

We four were seated at the head table and everyone else settled onto the large collection of heavily dressed circular tables. When everyone had been arranged properly a Palace MC called for silence. “ _Presenting Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II!_ ” he bellowed. Everyone got up and bowed deeply as the Queen approached the podium escorted by the Guard. Our guests were suitably impressed and John swore softly under his breath before shutting himself up and taking my hand firmly.

Aunt Lizzie looked at Mycroft and then me. “Approach cousins.” she ordered. Though Mycroft and I were the only ones related by blood to the royal family we were all now cousins not matter how John didn't want it. I wrapped my fingers around John's hand and led him toward the podium with Mycroft and Greg behind us. We gave her a knee and remained on the ground with our heads low. “Rise.”

We all stood. She looked down at us, her aristocratic face perfectly expressionless as she began to speak. “I offer my blessing and congratulations on your unions. They have been long awaited and I daresay the Holmes family will welcome your husbands with open arms. Mycroft and Sherlock. You have the thanks of a grateful nation for your many deeds of valor and unprecedented devotion to your country. To John and Gregory I also give thanks on behalf of the people of this great land who have desired your recognition and the valuation of your worth. I have been informed that you have stated that no wedding gifts be given until this day so I shall presume to be the first to give you my gift for your gallantry. Kneel.”

We knelt. A hush fell over the congregation and not one person stirred. One of the Guard stood forward and extended a shining silver sword to the Queen. She smiled down at us and began with John. She moved onto me, then Greg and lastly Mycroft. We were all stunned as she bade us rise, now Knights of the Realm. “Sirs.” she said and we all bowed deeply. We turned to the congregation and received deep bows from everyone. Even Mummy slowly dropped into a deep curtsy. She must have hated it and that thrilled me. _Aunt Lizzie gave me a sly wink and I finally realized she was whom Mycroft had called! No wonder Mummy had been so quiet today_. I grinned cheekily back at her and her eyes twinkled before her public face was firmly back and she departed without further ado.

Four of the Guard escorted us back to our table and held our seats for us. Mrs. Hudson squeezed our fingers as we were led past her. John gave her a little wink and everyone at her table chuckled softly. The Guard stepped back and the evening began. The tables were arranged so that there was a long carpeted path leading to where we sat. Mummy sat at a table to the left of us with Mrs. Hudson and an assortment of local dignitaries. Molly sat with Mother Lestrade and Mike to the right of us and had a collection of generals of various branches of the military joking softly.

During the course of our very elaborate meal ambassador after ambassador came up to present their gifts and their thanks. Mummy was forced to listen to story after story of Mycroft and I, forced to endure praises heaped on us for our intelligence and quick minds. Mummy looked bitter when I was given personal messages from various people I had saved over the last three years. Her expression was tight and she managed to not roll her eyes but gave the definite impression that she was doing so anyway. She tried not to sneer but it still came through subtly. She barely looked at me, had not said one word of congratulations, still choosing to set me outside her heart. She received strange looks from many but she was so busy ignoring me she didn't notice.

Mrs. Hudson was practically cooing with pride and dabbed her eyes often. She'd attracted quite a lot of admirers and received many warm smiles as well as business cards and offers to come to tea. “They're like my own sons, the lot of them. They're ever so good. The best boys in the world. I'm so pleased that everyone came today to see my Sherlock get married. He loves his John so very much.” Mummy was politely greeted and congratulated as mother of the grooms. She made much of those persons who seemed to matter to her but still said nothing to either Mycroft or myself.

John and Greg had their own thanks to receive as well. Politicians and society Dames came and went, enthusiastically recalling stories where they had been helped by Greg when no one else could assist, or the huge assortment of soldiers and foreign dignitaries who gave John heartfelt thanks for lives saved or fond remembrances of friends lost. When Naeem and his party came forward he smiled as he saw our tie pins. His gift was one of my favorites. “Rare poisons gathered from plants and animals all over Africa. A curiosity to entertain the great mind of Sherlock Holmes.” _Oh! The experiments I could run with samples like these!_ John received a second box. “The antidotes. We are not foolish men.” John laughed and accepted gracefully.

Finally we were left in peace for a few minutes while desserts were being served. “Knight of the Realm. Fuck me!” said Greg, slouching back in his chair as if everyone wasn't watching him. He looked John and I over. “How are you holding up mates?”

“In a fair bit of shock here Greg. It was bad enough knowing I'd meet the Queen today on top of getting married but getting knighted? Never crossed my mind. Wasn't expecting that, nope.” John still sounded cool and collected. We'd kept our hands together the entire time, feeding each other neatly with lots of kisses between bites. He looked up at me.

“I feel strange John. I am very happy but I am also very hopeful. It's a big adjustment for me to be so widely admired and accepted. I don't feel like myself anymore.” I felt a bit adrift quite frankly. John took my hands in his and stroked his thumb over my ring.

“That's because you're not you anymore Sherlock. You're us. We're _us_ now. Forever.” he was so right. _Once again I was grounded in John. I kissed him with love and felt myself become tethered and free at the same time. My brave soldier, my glorious Captain. He would care for me tenderly and I would love him with all the devotion I could muster_.

“Formation!” a deep voice cried in the back of the crowd. A large contingent of men in dress uniform lined up at the end of the carpeted corridor. With crisp precision they marched towards our table, each one bearing a small white box. The boxes were set on the ground in front of our table as each soldier passed us. They called out one at a time. “For Matt. For Lewis. For Carter. For Johnson. For Migs. For Aldrich. For Delaney.....” the names went on. John stood at attention after the first name and looked almost grim until the last man showed up. He had a soft smile and bright eyes and laid his box on top of all the rest. He looked a lot like me but he was ginger. “For Benedict.”

The soldiers marched until they were standing behind the four Queens Guard who had maintained their stations behind us. “ _ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL_ ” they roared. “ _CAPTAIN_ ” John turned smartly and snapped off a salute. Saluting him back they slid neatly into parade rest. John sat back down and struggled to contain his tears.

“They're bricks aren't they John. Bricks for the Memorial Wall. Another whole section dedicated to just you.” I spoke very softly but he heard me and nodded. Mummy was staring at the sheer number of them. Several of the gentlemen sitting with Molly had stood during the presentation and honored John with salutes of their own. He saluted them back before they resumed their seats.

“Not all those names are here to give me those bricks in person though Sherlock. A fair few will never get to enjoy looking at The Wall.” He was saddened and proud at the same time. _Brave selfless John. His only regret was not being to help more. He gave and gave and gave_.

“But Benedict _is_ and others _are_. They would not have been if not for you.” I stroked my hand over his wounded shoulder and pulled out my bullet. I kissed it tenderly and hung it about his neck. “All our broken parts fit together neatly John. Together you and I make one entire person. The greatest puzzle I've ever known and we have a lifetime together now to work it all out.”

“Shut it Sherlock. You're going to make me cry in public.” said Lestrade with a fake whisper. We smiled and looked at him. His eyes were red and tight looking. He was very proud. His hand was tightly wrapped around Mycroft's and both of them were watching John.

“Hush Gregory. John is a hero and he should never forget it and he should never regret his actions, even when he did not succeed. He tries so very hard and he never stops caring. He cares for everyone around him, he doesn't need to know them. It's a talent I admire very much since it has given me the clues I need to solve everything. It's an admiration I know my brother shares with his own brave soldier.” I looked at my new brother with understanding. “See for yourself.”

Greg turned to Mycroft who was gazing back at him with an open expression of devotion bordering on reverence. Mycroft reached over and gently ran his fingertips over his husband's shoulders, “On these do rest the most unthankful of duties and never once have you shirked them on your own behalf. Every minute of your life you have put yourself between those you deem innocent and those who trouble them. You dog your foes relentlessly, and you do all of this for no more reason than you feel that someone must. You are true to yourself and no other. Your values are unshakable and beyond corruption. You embrace life with breathless abandon, shameless and filled with a hunger that's never sated. You are the righteous storm that shakes the heavens and all beneath it equally. For all that and more do I love you Gregory.”

“Shit. Now I need one of Mrs. Hudson's lace hankies.” said John thickly as Greg kissed Mycroft silent. I was also very moved. My brother's icy reserve was completely absent during his entire speech. I handed John a napkin and suffered to let him dab the tears from my face afterward. “We've all gone soft.”

“Maybe John but we'll be hard later, yeah?” Greg's ever present leer had returned. John and I giggled again, ever inappropriate with our timing but even Mycroft let out a small laugh, merely shaking his head and sitting back properly. The guests were rising and an army of servers descended to remove soiled plates as another small army removed tables and relocated the chairs smoothly. People milled about mingling and exchanging stories. As the tables cleared away the musicians came out. We wandered around handing out smiles and handshakes until the first sweet strains of the orchestra sang out. A large space cleared around us and John took me in his arms. “Shall we dance?”

He led of course. We'd danced often as we'd recuperated and now we moved with silken grace together. We swept around our bit of lawn and charmed everyone with the love that so clearly bound us together. John and I fit together naturally and we flowed from one space to another easily.

Mycroft and Greg swept past us in stately movement. Theirs was formality and respect, each one giving to the other equally. They were literally fire and ice, two elements so very different yet somehow perfectly balanced. I could feel the earth tremble in response to their combined power as they moved.

With a gentle kiss John released me and bowed to Molly while I offered Mrs. Hudson my arm, both of them smiled shyly and accepted. Greg just grabbed his mother up and swung her into the dance boldly. She swatted his arm but gave his cheek a pinch and danced easily with him. Mycroft stood in front of Mummy and waited. Reluctantly she extended her hand and he guided her onto the dance floor. With exquisite precision they executed the steps of the dance flawlessly until the last notes died away. I was grateful for the warm love that shone from Mrs. Hudson's face as I danced her gently around the grass, staying close to John and Molly who were grinning at one another and giggling softly.

When the song ended I received a kiss on the nose from Mrs. Hudson and John back in my arms. I had no plans of letting him go again. We danced near Greg and Mycroft while Mike swanned Molly around. Mrs. Hudson had a circle of gentlemen around her, all gently arguing over who got to dance with her first. Mummy had vanished from sight so I put her out of my mind the way she had put me out of her life. _I was done with Mummy. I had John_.

“Time to do the rounds darling. Come on, give us a kiss. We have guests to thank.” I bent down obediently and gave John a sweet kiss. He took my arm in his and we entered the crowd to thank everyone for being there with us. My Captain was effortlessly gracious as we spoke to the most important people on the planet. He remembered the names of everyone we'd already met and noticed small complimentary things about the ones we were introduced to. I mostly stood there with the proudest smile, unable to speak or alter my expression.

I did notice the reporters though, that final few that had made the cut. They looked a bit stunned as they walked about having small interviews with people and taking vast amounts of notes and images. It was a media banquet and all of them had unprecedented access. Our stories were being recorded with careful attention and I wondered what they would make of them in the end.

We were stopped by a tall thin woman whom I knew from the London Council of the Arts. Lady Spencer, one of the cousins. “Sherlock. John. Our congratulations on your union. I came to ask, has Violet said the same to you dear boy?” Lady Spencer had been one of my admirers back when it was thought I might make music my life. She was one of the few who even knew Mummy had something as common as a first name.

John looked at her sharply. “Mrs. Holmes has not said one word to Sherlock about our anything really.” Lady Spencer looked thoughtful and examined the crowd briefly. She looked down and John and favored him with a small smile. She was impersonal but warmly polite.

“Indeed. David said as much. We had a very interesting conversation yesterday. Very interesting indeed. Welcome home Sherlock. Welcome to our family John. We will expect you to visit once you've settled in. Sirs.” She gave us a gracious curtsy and moved away.

One at a time we were approached by people from nearly every segment of upper class society and the organizations that meant so much to them. All of my various cousins approached, some reluctantly, some with nervousness but all were sincere when they thanked me for what I'd done and offered John their personal welcome into the fold. “I daresay John will be good for all of us Sherlock. We will be expecting a visit.”

John got annoyed after a while. “Why are they all expecting visits? Our address is famous. Let them come to us.” I snickered with him at the thought of all those blue bloods sitting on our tatty sofa sipping tea from John's chipped RMAC mugs. We looked around and saw that John's friends were honoring his request indirectly. All of them had cozied up to cousins or diplomats to tell their first hand tales of glory about John. The Yarders had done much that same and filled the curious ears of anyone who would listen about what it was like to see me do The Work. We even finally caught sight of Angelo and he had his own circle of devoted listeners. “There you go love. Your mum won't be able to stop hearing about you. That should drive her right around the bend. If we can keep it up for forty years we'll be all caught up.”

The music stopped for a few minutes then we heard the wild strains of the youth band we'd hired. I gathered John up. He fit so nicely in my arms, “Dance with me?” John nodded and we went back to the bit of lawn still peopled with couples. I struck a formal pose and with a raised eyebrow John followed suit. We then melted into a tango which I had explained to him had been taught to warriors to improve their battle skills and had traditionally been danced between men. Greg and Mycroft appeared and they sizzled together. Soon there were couples whirling all over and it got steamy fast.

The young group was on fire. They'd worn all their regular clothes but all of them were passionate and skilled. They wrung bittersweet notes from their instruments and their songs wailed with promises of love and heartache. We danced until they left the stage then John kissed me hotly, “Later.” he swore and I nodded.

Greg had Mycroft in a tight embrace. We heard Greg say softly, “You wicked, cruel and amoral bastard. You're mine now.” Mycroft stared into his lover's eyes with a challenging look that Greg returned with interest.

“As long as you know who I truly am Gregory. As long as you know.” they kissed then and left the floor hand in hand and moving fast.

“I think that's our cue darling.” said John in a low voice. I felt a quiver deep inside me. “Time to go.”

I leaned in and spoke in a deep, soft whisper, “Lead the way, _Captain_.” and kissed his earlobe gently. I felt him suck in a gasp of air then I was being pulled through the crowds as politely as possible. We skirted around the edges until we came to where our private car was waiting. We saw Gregory close the door on their car and as it slid away John and I slipped into ours and just like that, we made our getaway.

The crowds were still thick in front of the palace but Mycroft had arranged for a large number of black cars to arrive and depart. They had been coming and going the entire time, some full, some empty and all of them driving to all corners of London. We disappeared with none the wiser as planned.

We made a short stop at Baker Street. John and I fetched down our luggage which we had ready and waiting by the door. We locked up tight and soon we were on our way. Mrs. Hudson would look after our flat while we were gone the way she always did. Soon we were at another location and loading our bags into the boot of a rental. John got behind the wheel and off we went. It was late at night now but he deftly wove in and out of traffic until we left the city behind. After driving for an hour we stopped at a service station to refresh ourselves then I took over the driving.

It was early in the morning by the time we reached our destination. Weary but happy we unloaded our car and trouped inside together. My summer cottage had been cleaned and stocked. We dropped our bags in the foyer to be dealt with later and immediately retired to the bedroom after refreshing ourselves. “Too tired Mr. Watson-Holmes?” asked John solicitously. I shook my head slowly. I'd been waiting patiently for far too long.

“Never Mr. Watson-Holmes. Never too tired for you.” I wrapped myself around him and kissed him with all the love in my heart. I felt him groan against my mouth and he simply melted into me. “Oh John!”

We kissed as we undressed on another, our wedding suits carefully laid aside as we peeled off each layer with care. We tasted each other all over, running fingers over newly bared skin as we went. Finally we were fully naked and we stepped back to admire each other. I filled my eyes with the sight of my glorious John. When our eyes met I smiled, “My husband.”

John looked so gentle, so loving. He stepped back into my arms and ran his hands over my face, tracing over my lips, “My husband.” I kissed him softly then, just pressing our lips together. He parted them and encouraged me to make the kiss deeper. Slowly we moved to the bed and lay back until I was kneeling over John and kissing him with desperate hunger. I needed to taste him everywhere, to own him completely. I needed to have him.

It escalated quickly. We grew passionate and then we grew savage. We fought each other for dominance. Arms and legs were employed as we twisted and struggled. I might have been deadlier but John was a fighter with years of experience and he trapped me face down on the bed with a snarl. I heard the pop of the lubricant bottle and felt the cool slick head of his cock. He didn't prepare me he just pushed in.

The agony and thrill of it made me shudder and groan so deeply I could only feel the sound of it. John didn't rush, he just didn't stop. I felt myself being forced wide open to take him in and my body bucked in protest. John's arms held me tight and one hand held my head back. He reared back and snapped his hips forward, wrenching another agonized cry from me. He snapped forward again and hit my prostate dead on and the cry became pure desire.

John was unhinged. He let me go and shoved my hips straight down, knuckling his hands into my lower back. He began to ride me deep and fast and I couldn't stop shouting. He was tireless. He fucked me through a blinding orgasm and didn't stop though I could barely breath, could hardly hold onto consciousness. I was aware that he hadn't touched my cock at all but it hadn't stopped me from emptying myself onto our expensive sheets without warning. John just breathed through it and kept going.

After a long time I began to harden again. “That's it beautiful love. Feel me Sherlock. I'm owning this pretty ass. It's mine to use as I see fit and tonight I see to fit my cock in here until you can't take it anymore. I know you like it. I can feel you loving it. You want this don't you? You want me to own you, to take over, to free you from every little thing by taking away all the decisions. You want me to care for you, look after you, fuck you, make you mine in every way, don't you. You want me to be your master.”

That was exactly what I wanted. That was exactly what I needed. “Yes John. Please John. I beg of you.” His thrusts never slowed.

“You are mine Sherlock. Forever mine. I won't let anyone else have even a piece of you unless you want it. I promise to care for you always. I can't promise to be tender about it though because my Sherlock doesn't like things to be simple.” _Oh he understood me so well. I felt the paradigm shift that left me woozy and everything became crystal clear again. Oh John! John! John! John! John! He was the master of my heart, the owner of my body and soul. I would use every bit of myself to keep him happy. I would devote every scrap of mind power at my command to be his Sherlock, forever_. “You never have to beg Sherlock. I want this too. I want to keep you safe. I want to keep you loved. I want to look after you and take away anything that makes you unhappy. I want to watch you indulge that magnificent mind of yours with everything that catches your attention. I want to be the one that lets you fly free my wonderful madman. I want this so much my perfect, oh so perfect beautiful Sherlock. My one of a kind, irreplaceable, entirely perfect love.”

 _Oh the things he said!_ He meant every word. Sincerity rang in every luscious syllable the dripped from his lips. _He would take the world away and let me just be. He would keep me safe. He would stay with me no matter what and never expect me to be anything but myself, good or bad. I would never have to dissemble with John. I would never have to reign myself or hold myself back. He loved me at my best and at my worst. He had seen it all, the entirety of one Sherlock Holmes and found me very much to his tastes. Everything about John was a match for everything about me_.

He began to swivel and twist and I went insane. I couldn't stop bucking. I was loud. I twisted and shook. I heard him grunting behind me. John dropped his head down so his forehead was pressed to the back of my neck. “John! John! John! John! John!” I came again and felt John releasing inside me. He held me down while I burned and I felt his breaths catch in time with mine, felt our heartbeats race together, felt our _everything_ lock together in divine synchronicity. Time halted again and together we wandered the cosmos.

John slumped over me, his body molding to mine as he struggled to breathe and come back to himself. I was covered in him, filled with his scent and his essence. I felt totally whole and completely right. This was the way I had always been meant to be, the only way I would work right, the only way I could exist and feel like I was actually part of the human race. _John, my conductor of light. My John_.

I was vaguely aware that he had pulled away. I felt a warm damp cloth wiping intimately over me but I was unable to move even a jot. I heard John humming softly. He sounded happy and satisfied. I felt a sheet being draped over me and John's warm body tight against my side. I had been smiling the entire time. Now I let myself go and drifted away in the arms of my husband.

 


End file.
